Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium: a tale/2/1

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==Chapter 4: Donkey Kong==
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==Prologe: Mr. Magorium Finds Two Girls==
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The not so serene jungle, filled with squawks from birds, various noises from reptiles, amphibians, and mammals joining in with them, creating a noisy melody. All of this was silenced though with the sound of gun in the distance. “Get back here you darn dirty apes!” came a loud angry voice. It belonged to King and Captain K. Rool, leader of the Kremlin Krew. He was in hot pursuit of a large ape named Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong was the head of this island known only as Donkey Kong Country, and K. Rool wanted to take Donkey Kong’s prized possession, his stock of bananas. K. Rool had failed on numerous occasions to obtain the bananas, and then he tried trapping Donkey Kong and his family, but that failed as well thanks to Donkey Kong’s little brother Diddy Kong and his girlfriend Dixie Kong.
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"Mahoney, are my Guests here..." "Of Course, Sir" two teenage girls walked into the emporium
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==Chapter 1: Two Girls pull the Strings==
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A dimensional portal opened in the middle of a dingy-looking theater. Two people exited the portal before it closed. One, the male, looked similar to a court jester, only his head wasn’t quite connected to his body and his hands weren’t attached to any arms. The other looked like a female human, only she had pink hair and yellow eyes. She dressed like a witch. “Okay, Dimentio,” the witch said. “Where do you think we are now?”
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K. Rool was determined to finish it this time, he was going to kill Donkey Kong, with him completely out of the way he was certain the others would fall. What he didn’t expect was an ambush. As Donkey Kong ran forward away from the powerful gun, K. Rool followed behind right into a trap. “Now!” yelled an old monkey named Cranky Kong. Then a whole bunch of Kong’s appeared and began throwing coconuts at the large reptilian attacker. K. Rool was caught completely by surprise and was pummeled by the coconuts. In the end he was forced to retreat. “I’ll get you someday Donkey Kong, and all of you Kongs!” K. Rool yelled as he ran away. Donkey Kong climbed up into the treetops to meet his large family.
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“How should I know, Luna?” the jester, presumably Dimentio, rebutted. “My warps have been messing up a lot lately. When they do work, I end up in some strange place that I really didn’t mean to arrive at...”
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“Whew, I was beginning to think I was a goner” Donkey Kong told them as he rested at last. “We couldn’t let that happen DK” Diddy said as he swung over to meet him. “K. Rool will never learn” Wrinkly Kong, an old female ape stated as she strained her eyes to see K. Rool running into the distance. “Maybe, but we’ll be here to deal with him each time” Dixie piped up from beside of her, which got a pat on the head from Wrinkly. “Let’s all head to my place, bananas for everyone!” Donkey Kong stated with a large grin, which gained grins from everyone else as well.
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At that moment, a teenage boy rushed up to them. His skin was a golden color and he had glasses and no nose. He had red-orange hair that looked like it was made of yarn. “Hey there!” he greeted them cheerfully. “Welcome to the Muppet Cabaret! Can I get you two a seat? I see you've dressed for the occasion! Nice dress, madam.”
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As the Kongs made their way back to DK’s home, an odd shaped ‘thing’ came flying downward toward the jungle. It was the Clown car, Mario and company had managed to traverse space and arrive in Donkey Kong Country. Mario poorly landed the craft, but at least it was on solid ground once more. “What is this place?” Luigi asked. “It’s beautiful!” Peach said, as she was all starry-eyed looking around at the vibrant colors of the jungle. “Do you think we will be safe here Mario?” Mallow spoke up as he hobbled out of the car with the others, but ended up falling on his face.
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“Wha...?” Dimentio and Luna both looked down at their clothes to find they had changed. Dimentio was now wearing a jet-black tuxedo with faint purple and yellow trim. Luna’s witch outfit had transformed into a fancy navy blue dress with purple ribbons. “Oh, David,” she exclaimed, forgetting for a moment that Dimentio didn’t really like to be called by his real name anymore. “It's just like our prom, only with cute animals!”
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“Can’t be sure, but it has to be better than getting turned into one of those weird creatures” Mario stated, still looking around for any signs of trouble, but found none. That’s when K. Rool came running by, Mario was shocked as the stranger had a similar appearance to Bowser, being a large bodied bipedal reptile and all. K. Rool stopped then and turned around, looking at the odd group. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen any of you before” he stated, his mind already formulating a plan. “No, we are from the Mushroom Kingdom, far away across the stars” Peach spoke up.
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Dimentio rolled his eyes. “So there were a bunch of crazed puppets at our prom?” he asked sarcastically. He had recognized where they were as soon as he saw that boy. They were in the Muppet universe, and the boy was Scooter, resident go-fer of the Muppet Show theater.
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“Hmm.. you don’t say” K. Rool stated as he rubbed his chin, an idea clicked then. “Well, welcome to K. Rool Kountry” he said, “I am K. Rool, rightful ruler of this land. But I sadly have been dethroned by a tyrant and his ruthless family” K. Rool said, showing the most pathetic pitiful face he could manage. “I too have recently been dethroned, I am Princess Peach” Peach announced to him and lent him her hanky, to which he blew his nose all over it, she decided not to take it back.
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“Let me take you to your table,” Scooter said. He led them to a table for two, right next to the stage. “Enjoy! Best seats here.” With that, he left.
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“If only I could get my kingdom back from those cruel Kongs” K. Rool said, playing the part up real good. “Mario, perhaps we should help him?” Yoshi suggested, his heart going out to his fellow reptile. “I’m not sure Yoshi, we have some problems of our own” Mario stated. “If I was restored to my throne, I might be able to help you with your problem” K. Rool said. “Mario, perhaps these Kongs work with that stranger that took over my kingdom as well?” Peach suggested. That was enough for Mario. “Alright then, we’ll investigate and see what we can do” Mario told them all, which cheered the supposedly sorrowful K. Rool smile instantly. “Oh thank you! You have no idea what you’re doing for me!” he said, happy that his plan was working. “This way” he said , heading back the way he had just run from.
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“Such wonderful service!” Luna exclaimed, a look of pure joy on her face.
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“So what of these people that attacked your land?” K. Rool asked, curious if someone might try and attack his kingdom once he obtained it from the Kongs. Peach then told him the whole story of Bowser, Wario, and Waluigi, and then of the Ancient Minister and his strange helpers and what he had said and what he had done. This intrigued K. Rool, but he acted sad, playing the part of good-natured former ruler well.
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Dimentio’s reaction, however, was slightly less enthusiastic. “Meh, you see one Henson universe, you've seen 'em all.” He leaned back to take a nap. “Wake me if you see Jareth...” he muttered.
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Meanwhile, more floating objects descended from the sky, it was the Ancient Minister, flanked by Bowser, Wario, and Waluigi. They landed on the top of Kong Mountain. From there the minister looked down and could feel the jungle that thrived with life. “We shall spread out and search for any possible people of great skill” he told the other three.
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At that moment, the host of the Muppet Show, Kermit the Frog, walked onstage. “Welcome to the Muppet Cabaret!” he greeted the audience. “Tonight's special guest, playing with The Electric Mayhem, is a musician that worked with Jim Henson himself! So, ladies and gentlemen, performing with the big band of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, give a big round of applause to David Bowie!” He left the stage, cheering and waving his arms in the air in his usual fashion.
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“This would go a lot faster with my lackeys” Bowser griped. From the back of the Ancient minister a cloud of darkness appeared, several forms came from it. “If you want some of your traditional help, you shall have it, if you think you’ll be able to accomplish more with them” he addressed Bowser. From the darkness appeared some faces that would have been all too familiar to Mario. Kamek in his wizard form once more appeared, alongside of Birdo, Wart, King Boo, Petey Piranha, Bowser Jr. and the other seven Koopalings. “There, they should be more than enough to help you” the minister told them all. With that the group split up and began searching the island for anyone they thought might be important. The minister meanwhile prepared another circle to explode this world as well.
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Dimentio immediately woke up. “Bowie, really???” The curtains rose, revealing the in-house rock band and a certain British glam rock star wearing an outfit that harkened back to his days as Ziggy Stardust. “Yep, that’s him,” Dimentio said. “Go Bowie!”
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“K. Rool! You dare come to my home?!” Donkey Kong asked as he saw the reptile approaching with an unfamiliar group behind him. “You mean MY home Donkey Kong! Your reign of tyranny ends now!” K. Rool said, remembering to play the part in front of the others. The Kongs weren’t sure what he was talking about. “If you want a fight K. Rool we’ll give you one!” Diddy chime din, looking down at the group below. “Are these monkeys the one giving you so much trouble?” Mallow asked. “Yes, these are the villains!” K. Rool told them. Mario studied them, they didn’t seem anything like the ones who had attacked them, he didn’t see any of those odd guns either, and he was beginning to have his doubts.
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Dr Teeth, the leader of the band, turned to the audience and shouted, “Yeah, this is Dr. Teeth, and we're gonna boogie!” With that, the band started playing and all of them, including David Bowie himself, started singing.
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A coconut that Dixie had grabbed up slipped out of her grasp just then and fell down, hitting Mario on the head. “See! They attack us!” K. Rool said. “You shall not win tyrants!” Geno said and with that he jumped in the air, stretched out his arm, and fired off his finger shot. Pellets flung out, pelting the Kongs. Diddy leapt down, not about to take that. He leapt on top of Mallow, squishing the puffball down quite a bit. Peach, shocked at first, frowned and pulled out her handy tennis racket and swatted the monkey off of Mallow. Dixie took to the sky and smacked Geno down to the others. Yoshi pulled out an egg and tossed it up, scaring Wrinkly Kong away.
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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By now Mario got back up from the initial ‘attack’, only to see Donkey Kong now standing in front of him. Mario pulled out a fire flower and fired away. Donkey Kong dodged though, grabbing hold of a vine, he then dropped down to land on Mario. The plumber was prepared this time and dodged the attack from above, causing DK to land on the ground, and then get his backside burnt by Mario’s flower, causing the large ape to holler out.
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I could escape this feeling, with my china girl
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I feel a wreck without my, little china girl
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I hear her heart beating, loud as thunder
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Saw the stars crashing
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“Hold on DK, help is on the way!” Funky Kong called out, preparing to send some weapons his way, but he never got the chance. Instead, Funky Kong vanished and was replaced by statue of himself, he had been turned into a trophy. “Funky!” Candy Kong yelled as she headed over to find him in his new form. She found a dark Cannon in her Face, "DK, Catch!" She soon followed, along with the other Kongs, save for DK, Diddy, and Dixie. “Looked like they were beating you up Mario” Bowser said as he made himself visible from within the bushes.
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I’m a mess without my, little china girl
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Wake up mornings where’s my, little china girl
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I hear hearts beating, loud as thunder
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I saw they stars crashing down
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Mario and DK, along with the others turned to Bowser, all still in fighting stance. “Had to chase you across the stars, but you’re outnumbered and outdone this time Mario” Bowser said, pointing the device directly at the plumber. The beam shot out, and Mario used his trusty cape to thwart the attack, sending it straight into a nearby Rhino who had arrived due to the commotion. “Rambi!” Diddy exclaimed. Donkey hollered in anger as he saw his family and now his trusty friend Rambi were all turned into these statues. He leapt up and attacked Bowser. The two began to fight it out. A punch to Bowser’s face, some flames to Donkey Kong’s body, it seemed as though Donkey Kong would lose too, that was until Bowser found himself getting burned, Mario was using his fireflower to help the ape.
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I stumble into town just like a sacred cow
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Visions of swastikas in my head
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Plans for everyone
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It’s in the white of my eyes
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The eight koopalings that had come with him were out collecting the trophies of the Kongs and Rambi. The figure then shoved Iggy, Who was holding Tiny Kong's Trophy. The Trophy Base Landed on his face, Resulting In the same flash of Light that Can Blind A Koopa for An hour. In all of this madness, the Ancient minister flanked by his lackeys from the Mushroom Kingdom arrived on the scene. “Enough of this pathetic resistance, you will all be assimilated, just as the other worlds” the minister told them all. “Assimilated?” K. Rool asked, this was all very interesting for him and he was looking for a way to swing things in his favor.
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My little china girl
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You shouldn’t mess with me
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I’ll ruin everything you are
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I’ll give you television
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I’ll give you eyes of blue
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I’ll give you men who want to rule the world
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The ancient minister could sense K. Rool’s heart was filled with bad intentions, this pleased him, “You, if you wish to join me crocodile along with the dragon and the Wario brothers, you may” the minister offered. This caused DK, Bowser, and Mario to stop in their fight. K. Rool wasn’t stupid, he knew there was no way he could team up with the Kongs, and his new acquaintances would certainly figure out his evil intentions sooner or later. But this stranger seemed to know exactly what he was doing and where he was going, and more importantly, had the ability to get there. “Very well, I shall join in your numbers, on one condition” K. Rool insisted, and then went on, “That I shall get the privilege of destroying Donkey Kong”
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And when I get excited
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My little china girl says
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Oh baby just you shut your mouth
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She says ... shhhh
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She says
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She says
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The minister nodded and things were now set in motion, K. Rool teamed up with the enemy of Mario’s party, and Donkey Kong was helping to fight Bowser who was a long time enemy of Mario. Just then an explosion could be heard from the top of DK Mountain, calling everyone’s attention upward. From there, emitted that same darkness that had just stolen away the Mushroom Kingdom’s inhabitants, and now it was sweeping across Donkey Kong Country.
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
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“Quick, back to the clown car!” Luigi insisted. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Geno, and Mallow all went to leave, but Mario paused. “Come with us!” Mario told DK and the other two. The minister and all of his cohorts began to focus their beams on those retreating. Mario tossed a star to Donkey Kong which made him invincible, he realized this when the beam hit him and it didn’t hurt him at all, however it did bounce off and hit Expresso, an ostrich friend of DK’s. Sad over another friend lost, DK managed to hold it together though and grabbed Diddy and Dixie in his paws and went running after the others.
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The audience applauded. Dimentio stared in awe for a few seconds. “Don’t say anything. Luna,” he said.
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The whole lot of them climbed into the clown car and Luigi started the odd contraption up as they flew off to the atmosphere. This time however the Ancient minister was much quicker, he collected the darkness, leaving this planet barren as well, and followed after them with his cohorts, with the addition of K. Rool now.
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“Why?” Luna asked.
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The group huddled inside of the clown car was quite cramped as they made their way to the nearest habitable planet, none of them were sure what to expect.
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“I need to relish in the fact that I just got to see Bowie perform live. Granted, it was with Muppets, but still...”
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==Chapter 5: Star Fox/Metroid==
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The amphibious MC came back onstage. “Now, we're going to try something special that we've never done before!” Kermit said animatedly to the audience. “We're going to pick two lucky audience members, and they shall perform with David Bowie himself! Let's see...” His Saturn-shaped eyes scanned the wide audience. “How about this lovely couple right next to the stage? The jester and the witch. If you two are interested, come on down!”
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“Fox! We’ve received unusual readings” Peppy said over the intercom, waking the sleeping leader of the Star Fox team from a somewhat peaceful slumber. “Peppy.. how many times have I told you not to wake me up?” he grumbled in reply. “Sorry Fox, but this is important. If these readings are correct, then a domino effect could be happening” Peppy said. Fox poked an ear and the tip of his muzzle out from under a pillow. “What are you talking about?” Fox asked with a somewhat pouting voice. “Come to the deck Fox, I’ll explain everything” Peppy stated.
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Fox grumbled to himself as he scrambled to stand up and began pulling on his uniform. As he walked out of his quarters he pushed his fur down as it was messed up from the brief amount of sleep he had gotten. “Alright Peppy, what’s the big emergency?” Fox asked as he entered the deck. “Fox, glad you’re up. Look at these readings” Peppy said, drawing Fox over to look at a computer screen module. “If these are correct, two planets in Sector N have very recently just lost all signs of life from them” Peppy explained. “How many lived on them?” Fox asked, reviewing the numbers again. “We’re not sure on specific numbers, but we do know that they were both heavily abundant, and then suddenly all life vanished” Slippy said from nearby who was doing something with the electronics, stuff that Fox would never bother with himself.
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“OMIGOSH YES!!!” Dimentio practically leaped onto the stage. Thankfully, Luna walked onstage in a more civilized manner.
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“Morning sleepy head” Krystal said as she walked in from behind him. Fox smiled at her when she stood beside of him, but he said nothing in reply. “Calm down love birds” Falco stated as he stepped in between them. “What’s up Peppy?” he added. “He can explain it to you on our way there, right now set a course for Sector N Slippy, we might get a chance to see some action” Fox said. With those words team Star Fox was off through outer space to find out what the disturbance was.
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Kermit smiled as they arrived onstage. “Now, you two just pick any single song, and you shall perform it with him, while The Electric Mayhem backs you up,” he told them.
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Elsewhere, another space voyager was picking up the readings as well. “This is Samus Aran to base, come in base” a young woman said over her intercom machine. “This is base here, go ahead Samus” they replied. “I’m picking up some very strange readings coming from a neighboring system” she explained. “Yes, there are some odd readings emitting from Sector N, system 64. You are picking them up as well?” the base asked. “Yes, I was hoping the readings were a mistake form my ship’s computer, but if you have received them as well. “Would you be willing to check on this?” asked the base. “I’m supposed to be transporting the space pirate Ridley to a maximum security prison on the home planet of the Galactic federation” Samus stated and paused. “I’m not too far away, I’ll check up on it” she added finally. “Alright, be careful Samus, base out”
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“Well, if Dimentio would just let go of David Bowie's leg...”
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It was then that the intergalactic space ship belonging to the bounty hunter Samus Aran changed course for Sector N, system 64. She knew that something serious most go on to make these planets instantly lose their large populations, and she was going to get to the bottom of the mystery.
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Dimentio had instantly clung to David Bowie’s left leg and absolutely refused to let go. This was probably not such a good experience for the British former glam rock star. “Um, we're experiencing technical difficulties,” Kermit told the audience. “We're going to take a short break, but we'll be right back!” He whispered aside to Rowlf the Dog. “We're going to need Dr. Bob!”
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==Chapter 6: Kirby==
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In sleepy little Dreamland, a pink puffball named Kirby was enjoying a peaceful day of swimming, enjoying a relaxing day for once. As he finished playing around he rested by floating on the water and gazing up to the sky. That’s when the sun became eclipsed, shadow fell upon Kirby and Dreamland itself. Opening his eyes Kirby recognized what had caused this phenomenon. Meta-Knight’s ship, and it was crashing in the forest of Whispy Woods!
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Hopping up from the water and into the air, Kirby puffed himself up and flew to where the ship was sure to crash. He was going to find out what could bring the ship of his rival down. Upon arriving he would discover Meta-Knight standing outside his ship cursing to himself. “Kirby? Quick, Dreamland, no.. all of Popstar is under attack!” Meta-Knight warned. “I was on my way to warn the King when even my mighty ship fell under attack, as you can see” he added, looking back at his smoking ship.
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After the stage had been cleared, the next sketch(Veterinarian’s Hospital) began. “And now, Veterinarian’s Hospital, the continuing stooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs!” said the announcer as Rowlf walked on in green hospital scrubs.
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Kirby nodded and the two of them were off, running through the forest toward the castle of King Dedede. Along the way they were met with two problems. The first was Whispy Woods himself, the tree that had so often used its apples to harm others, especially Kirby. The second was a stranger that Kirby had never seen before, but Meta-Knight recognized him all too well. “You! I challenge you to a duel over the loss of my ship!” Meta-Knight insisted. Kirby looked at the stranger quizzically.
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“Like, Dr Bob! Your next patients are here!” Janice, also in hospital scrubs, told Rowlf.
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“Huh?” K. Rool said, turning around to face the two newcomers. “I’ll deal with you two soon enough, right now I’m busy” K. Rool said, shrugging them off. Kirby puffed up in anger from the insult, and Meta-Knight had steam coming from the top of his head. Before any action from the angered duo could take place though, Whispy would find himself being zapped by the odd machine that K. Rool now held. A moment later, the mighty apple tree was cut down to nothing more than a trophy. Both Kirby and Meta-Knight’s eyes widened as they had seen what could happen form an attack from that gun.
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“Patients?” Rowlf, as Dr Bob, asked. “Why more than one?”
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“Now then, you’re next” K. Rool stated turning the gun toward them. Another beam shot out at Meta-Knight. The dark soldier was much too fast though and he dashed with lightning reflexes away from it. Kirby puffed up and changed his form to that of a brick and fell from the sky on top of K. Rool. This knocked the crafty crocodile out for the moment, but he was already stirring. Kirby motioned to Meta-Knight that they needed to leave. “Yes, it is best that we get to the King” Meta-Knight agreed and they were off again, taking to the sky.
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Miss Piggy started to snicker under her breath. “They’re... um, conjoined, Dr Bob.” She lifted the operating table sheet, revealing Dimentio still clinging to David Bowie’s leg.
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Meanwhile, at King Dedede’s castle, he was entertaining a visitor with Escargon and the Nightmare Enterprises Salesman. “So where did you say you were from again?” King Dedede asked. “I did not” the figure responded. “Well you’ve got to be from somewhere don’t you? Folks don’t just appear out of nothing you know” Dedede told him. “It is not important, what is important is where I’m going, and you seem like the type I’m looking for to help me get there”
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“SOMEONE GET THIS FREAK OFF MY LEG!!!” David Bowie shouted in an exasperated tone.
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“Oh yeah? Well I am quite handy with a mallet, but why should the King of the planet Popstar help you?” Dedede asked. “Because I can grant you complete and absolute control over all of your subjects, including this Kirby you’ve spoken of” the figure stated; this peaked Dedede’s interest. “You’ve got yourself a deal uh...” "The Ancient Minister, Our Then-Best Customer." The Salesguy said, butting in. "Yeah!" Then Escargon said, "Congrats on Joining a Guy Willing to Take out those Brats through assimilation!"
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------------------
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“Sire,” Meta-Knight said as he and Kirby ran into the castle belonging to the top penguin of the land. “a great threat has presented itself” he went on. “Meta-Knight, and Kirby too. I’m glad you both came here today” Dedede said, seeing the two of them running into his throne room and not hearing anything they said as his own plans clouded all of his senses. they recognized this look in the King’s eyes; he had some crazy scheme again, which meant trouble for all of Popstar as usual. "Uh, Oh." Said Tuff, "I Know that Look..."
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Meanwhile, in another dimension, Jess and Maddie were giggling about what they had just written. “That should so happen if they made a new Muppet Show!” snicker'd Maddie.
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“I was visited today by some hot head from space named the ancient something or other. And I he has given me, your King, the ability to solve all of Popstar’s problems” the King went on and then pulled out the odd gun. Tiff, Tuff, Kirby and Meta-Knight all became wide eyed at this action. “Sire, you have one of those as well?” Meta-Knight asked. “Of course I have one, I am the only one truly worthy of such a weapon after all. Now bow before your King” he stated, pointing the gun at Kirby. "I Knew it!" said Tiff
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“Yeah! I can imagine,” said Jess. She started doing a mock-impression of Scooter. “David Bowie! 15 seconds to curtain, Mr Bowie! Can I get you anything, sir?” Then she started to impersonate David Bowie. “Yes, one thing,” she said as she mimicked pulling something out of a drawer. “Get me a restraining order!” She pitched her Bowie-impression up a bit, presumable trying to be Dimentio. “Oh, come on! All I wanted was an autograph... and maybe some of your hair...” This sent both girls into a fit of giggles. They soon got over their gigglefits and went back to writing.
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Meta-Knight however wrapped his cape around Kirby and himself and the two of them were soon away from the destruction the beam promised and were outside of the castle altogether. “We can’t depend on the King for any help, we must save Dreamland and all of Popstar by ourselves it would seem” he explained. Kirby however pointed frantically out to the west. From that direction a huge cloud of darkness was closing in on them "Oh, No! Kirby, it's catching up!" Said Tiff. Meta-Knight focused his vision on the area that the darkness touched and what became of things. He saw all life vanish and turn to darkness, leaving a barren wasteland of darkness in its wake.
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------------------
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Kirby then tugged on his cape and pointed to the east, the darkness was approaching from that direction as well! The same from the north and the south too! “We must flee now, but I do not have my ship” he told Kirby. Kirby was prepared though and pulled out a warp star, grabbing Meta-Knight, Tiff and Tuff. the two of them were soon headed to outer space, leaving behind Dedede’s castle, as it was envelope din darkness.
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Backstage, Kermit was still trying to separate the jester from the rocker. “Hey, can someone get a crowbar to pry that guy off of David?” he asked.
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Elsewhere..
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“No good,” Gonzo the Great told him. “I used all the crowbars in my last act.”
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“Fox! A neighboring planet just experienced the same thing! All of it’s life forms are gone as far as the radar can tell” Slippy stated. “Do we have a visual?” Fox asked. “Visual coming online, now” Peppy stated. From the visual they could see the planet Popstar being enveloped in darkness. “Are there any signs of survivors at all?” Fox asked. “Scanning again Fox” Peppy said. “According to the reading there are three life forms still on the planet, two other forms are leaving it”. “Take us in Falco, I’ve got some questions for those two” Fox stated.
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“I don’t wanna know...”
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Not so far away..
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For no reason whatsoever, the two girls who had been writing this were also backstage. The blonde, Maddie, was laughing her head off about this whole thing. The brunette, Jess, tried thinking of a good way to get Dimentio off of David Bowie. Suddenly, she had an idea. “When in doubt, Shout it out!” she exclaimed. She bent down to Dimentio’s ear, which would’ve been near Bowie’s knee. “Dimentio... Dimentio... DIMENTIO!!! GET OFF OF DAVID BOWIE!!!”
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“Hmm.. two creatures managed to get off of this planet” Samus said as she punched a few buttons. “Better go in-..” she stopped mid sentence as she spotted one of the oddest things she’d seen. Two overall wearing men, a small dinosaur type creature, a life size moving doll, a white puffball, a princess, and three apes, flying around in a strange craft with a clown face painted on it. Deciding this was too strange and the fact that this group was coming from the direction of the previously obliterated planet. Pressing a button a tractor beam shot out and pulled them group into the ship’s hold, where the ferocious Ridley also stood contained in a strong cell.
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At this, Dimentio promptly freed Bowie’s left leg. “S-sorry about that, David...” he told his idol. “I got a little excited...”
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“I have some questions for you” Samus said, wearing all of her chozo suit save for the helmet as she approached the bunch of oddballs.
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“A little?” Luna rolled her eyes.
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==Chapter 7==
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“Okay, now you can do that number,” Jess said, smiling. Maddie giggled again.
-
Being forcibly pulled into the ship hold, Mario, DK, and the others weren’t sure what to expect from this place. “Who are you? Are you working for that Ancient Minister fellow as well?” Mario asked. Samus wasn’t sure what to think of that question. “I’ve never heard of an Ancient Minister before, so no. My ship detected a disturbance in this region of space and I’ve been given instructions to investigate” Samus explained.
+
-
A calming pause commenced. “So who are you and where are you from?” Samus questioned. “I am Princess Peach, this is my servant Toad. This is Mario and Luigi. Along with us is Yoshi, Geno, and Mallow” Peach explained. “And these three?” Samus continued, motioning to DK and the other two. “I’m Donkey Kong, and this is Diddy my brother and Dixie, his girlfriend” DK spoke up.
+
“Okay, what song do you guys wanna do?” Kermit asked the Marioverse pair.
-
“And what about you, who are you?” Geno questioned. “I am Samus Aran, bounty hunter to the Galactic Federation. Usually I am going around stopping space pirates like him” she said, pointing to Ridley who growled at her from his cage. “Now, who is this Ancient Minister you speak of?” she asked. They then went ahead with the explanation of the whole ordeal, of how the ancient minister had teamed up with Bowser, Wario, Waluigi, and K. Rool. And then how his powers of darkness worked, specifically the darkness bombs that enveloped their worlds, and then how he could call dark copies of citizens from those worlds.
+
Immediately, Dimentio replied with “Dance Magic!” Luna just went along with it, as she didn’t know many Bowie songs herself.
-
“Looks like you’re going to have to wait a while longer before you go on trial Ridley. I’m going to help you defeat this minister” Samus told them. This was good news for them all, but they were still not sure what they could do. At least they weren’t having to ride in the clown car though.
+
“I can’t wait to see it!” Maddie exclaimed.
-
Meanwhile..
+
“Me either,” Jess said. “C'mon, let's go sit down and watch.”
-
A similar explanation of things was occurring between Fox and the rest of his team as they rescued Kirby and Meta-Knight who had been flying through space. Meta-Knight told of King Dedede’s fall to darkness, he told about the darkness surrounding everything and obliterating all life, and then of the strange trophy gun. “Alright team, we need to investigate and isolate” Fox explained.
+
They both made their way to the seats. Jess pulled some popcorn out of nowhere and the two artists munched on it while waiting for the number to start up.
-
“Fox, you need to see this” Krystal stated as the screen revealed a large ship rising from the remnants of Popstar. “That’s MY ship!” Meta-Knight roared with outrage at what he was seeing. “It’s leaving the planet now” Falco said. “Let’s follow it, perhaps we can stop it’s next attack” Fox suggested, as Meta-Knight fumed in the background over someone else using his ship.
+
==Chapter 2: The Floro Sprout==
-
==Chapter 8: Legend of Zelda==
+
Kermit half-ran out onstage to introduce the next number. “The Muppet Cabaret is proud to present, singing with David Bowie, Dimentio and Luna! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!” The curtains rose to reveal David Bowie in his outfit from Labyrinth, as well as Dimentio and Luna. They began to perform their song.
-
When one goes to sleep, they can forget that the world doesn’t stop just because they do, and when one is prone to sleeping for long periods of time, a lot can happen. Such was the case with a young man named Link. He was prone to falling asleep for very long periods of time, and each time he woke up, the world had changed drastically and he usually found himself in the middle of a global conflict. As he opened his eyes this time after sleeping, he would find out it would be no different this time.
+
-
Getting out of bed, Link walked outside to where he was quickly greeted by his fairy friend, “Hey!” she shouted to him, which immediately called his attention. “Something large has come down from the sky over Hyrule Castle!” Navi stated. Link strained his eyes in that direction but didn’t see anything peculiar, still if Navi said it, it had to be true, and so he set off to investigate. Climbing on his horse and with Navi at his side, Link headed for Hyrule.
+
You remind me of the babe (What babe?)
 +
Babe with the power (What power?)
 +
Power of voodoo (Who do?)
 +
You do (Do what?)
 +
Remind me of the babe
-
Princess Zelda, ruler of Hyrule, paced around her throne room, she sensed some great danger was nearing, one that she had never faced before. And then the doors of her throne room were exploded open! As they fell down on either side, a tall, dark, and sinister man entered the room. “Princess Zelda, you’re looking radiant as usual” the man stated. As he neared, Zelda’s eyes widened, it was Ganondorf, the lord of darkness. “Din’s Fire” she cast and focused a ball of fire and flung it toward Ganondorf, he dodged, and grinned all the more as he approached her.
+
I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry
 +
What could I do?
 +
My baby's love had gone and left my baby blue
 +
Nobody knew
-
“You know you can not defeat me, especially now. I have come up with a plan that even you will not be able to overcome” he told her as he came right up to her and grabbed her wrist forcefully. “Hyrule, and everything in it, including you princess, are mine” he told her, holding her close to his body and staring into her eyes. “You will never win, L-” Zelda stopped as another shadow graced the door. “Huh!” came a familiar sound as a boomerang flew through the air and hit the hand that held Zelda.
+
What kind of magic spell to use
 +
Slime and snails or puppy dog tails
 +
Thunder or lightning
 +
Then baby said......
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Put that baby spell on me
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Put that magic jump on me
 +
Slap that baby, make him free
-
Ganondorf turned around to see the all too familiar form of Link standing there as the boomerang returned. “Perfect, I shall finish both of you off right now” Ganondorf stated happily, with that he threw Zelda down in front of her throne, he then pulled a strange looking item from behind his back. He quickly pointed it at Zelda and it charged up. “Watch Out!” came the voice of Navi as she flew to Zelda’s aid, but in turn found herself frozen in place. Navi had vanished, and in her place now lay a statue.
+
I saw my baby, trying hard as babe could try
 +
What could I do?
 +
My baby's fun had gone and left my baby blue
 +
Nobody knew
-
“Accursed fairy!” Ganondorf said, angry that he had missed his intended target. “It matters little Ganondorf, remember the plan” came the voice of the Ancient Minister. “Huh?” Link said, as he had never seen this creature before, but if he sided with Ganondorf he must be an enemy. Zelda meanwhile stood up grabbing Navi’s statue, and went running toward Link. “We must leave, hurry” Zelda said, grabbing Link’s hand in hers as they ran from the castle.
+
What kind of magic spell to use
 +
Slime and snails or puppy dog's tails
 +
Thunder or lightning
 +
Then baby said....
-
Ganondorf chased after them, and the minister did not stop him, after all, if Ganondorf was successful then Link and Zelda would make excellent trophies. “If he fails, they’ll still be Primids, what power can stand against the likes of me? I have the populations of four worlds, and this and the others shall soon join it. I shall unite all under my rule” he said with a sinister glare. Seeing no reason to waste any more time in this place, the minister dropped the orb, to which the familiar robots pulled it apart, setting the countdown.
+
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Put that baby spell on me
-
Elsewhere..
+
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Put that magic jump on me
 +
Slap that baby, make him free
-
“Fox, we have problems, we’re under attack!” Peppy shouted. “Falco, Krystal, Slippy, let’s head out!” Fox stated, with that the four of them went running for the hanger bay. Kirby looked quizzically as to who it was that was attacking them. Appearing on the viewing screen was K. Rool, the one Meta-Knight and himself had seen in the forest. Along with him was a tougher looking reptilian, along with two human beings. “Come Kirby, we’re going to help them” Meta-Knight said as the ships of Fox and the others appeared on the screen as well as they fired at Fox and the others.
+
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Put that baby spell on me (ooh)
-
“No, you two wait here, they want you to go out there. I’ll go. ROB, take the controls will ya?” Peppy told the robot that did just that. Meta-Knight wasn’t satisfied, but Kirby and him remained inside, for now. “Hey Fox, let’s see if I still have the hang of this” Peppy said as he maneuvered his old arwing around. “Nice to see you joining us in battle again old timer” Falco remarked. Just then Bowser, the other reptile, targeted Falco’s ship. “Falco, do a barrel roll!” Peppy said. Falco turned to see the beam coming at him, usually not one to take advice, Falco let it go this time and barrel rolled to the side.
+
You remind me of the babe (What babe?)
 +
Babe with the power (What power?)
 +
Power of voodoo (Who do?)
 +
You do (Do what?)
 +
Remind me of the babe
-
“This old timer can still be of use” Peppy said over the intercom. “Knock it off you two, we’ve got a job to do” Fox interrupted. Bowser, Wario, Waluigi, and K. Rool continued going around firing those strange beams at the ships. “I got one!” Slippy shouted as he successfully blasted Bowser, sending the dragon flying through space backward, but not destroyed. So excited over his success, Slippy didn’t notice that he had been targeted by Waluigi and Wario. Wario fired his first, Waluigi a moment later. “Slippy, do a barrel roll!” Peppy called out.
+
Dance magic, dance, ooh ooh ooh
 +
Dance magic, dance magic, ooh ooh ooh
 +
Dance magic
-
The toad caught sight of the beam from Wario and barrel rolled as told, which flung the beam straight at Peppy’s ship, turning the old hare and his arwing into a trophy. A second later, Slippy who thought he had only been targeted by one beam joined Peppy as a trophy. “Peppy! Slippy!” Fox cried out, horrified by what had just happened. “They won’t get away with this!” Falco warned and began chasing Waluigi down. Fox took Wario, and Krystal busied herself with K. Rool.
+
What kind of magic spell to use
 +
Slime and snails
 +
Or puppy dog tails
 +
Thunder or lightning
 +
Something frightening
-
“Time to end this!” Fox stated, with that a bomb flung from his ship, right into the middle of the battle and blasted Fox, Wario, Falco, Waluigi, Krystal, and K. Rool away form each other. For the three not in ships they went flying away. K. Rool landed on the planet below that the minister himself had just went to. Wario and Waluigi went on either side, soaring off somewhere through outer space, just like Bowser before them.
+
Dance magic, dance
 +
Dance magic, dance
 +
Put that baby spell on me
-
Fox meanwhile listened to his alarm in his ship going off, however he managed to pull things together and stabilized. “Fox, readings are coming in that show the planet below us is experiencing the same phenomenon as the others before it, life forms are vanishing at an alarming rate” ROB the robot stated over the intercom. “Alright. ROB, I need you to tractor beam Peppy and Slippy back inside the ship..” Fox said, his speech was slowed for a bit as he thought of what had happened to his friends.
+
Jump magic, jump
 +
Jump magic, jump
 +
Put that magic jump on me
 +
Slap that baby make him free
-
“Fox, you going to be alright?” Falco asked. “Don’t worry about it. The three of us have to get down to the planet, try to save who we can. ROB, I need you to find out where those four got blasted to” Fox said. “Confirmed, I will work on that right away” ROB said. “Alright team, we’re going in!” Fox stated as the three arwings headed down to the planet below. “We are going as well, come on Kirby” Meta-Knight said. ROB did not notice they were leaving until they were outside of the ship riding a warp star down to the planet.
+
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
 +
Jump magic, jump
 +
Put that magic jump on me
 +
Slap that baby
-
Arriving, Kirby and Meta-Knight looked around, the place they’d landed was filled with shadows and darkness, and there didn’t seem to be any signs of intelligent life. Then they heard the sounds of a struggle nearby. Meta-Knight held a hand to his face as a sign to Kirby to keep quiet. Moving around some strange looking trees and looking through the dense fog they could see two figures, that of a beautiful female, and the other of a grotesque faced man, the man had apparently just hit the woman.
+
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic
 +
Slap that baby make him free
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
 +
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
-
“I have returned Midna! And this time I shall make certain to destroy you and claim the Twilight realm for my own, forever!” the man warned and looked as though he were to attack her. Meta-Knight and Kirby intervened then. “Why do you harm this woman?” Meta-Knight asked, Kirby consoled the woman by holding her hand in his, she didn’t seem to know what to think of these odd creatures, but she seemed grateful for their arrival.
+
The audience gave them a standing ovation. Jess even let loose a loud whistle. At that point, the show started coming to a close. “Well, that's the end of this truly special performance at the Muppet Cabaret,” Kermit announced, “but let's have a round of applause to David Bowie, Luna and Dimentio!” More applause came from the audience as Luna, Dimentio and David Bowie came back onstage.
-
“It is no business of yours, but if you must know, she had taken over MY land and I am giving her the just punishment, the punishment that my kingdom requires for such acts of treason!” he said. “Lies!” the woman began, “This land belongs to me Zant!” Enraged, Zant went for an attack.. only to find himself attacked by the mighty sword of Meta-Knight several times. “ARGH!” Zant yelled, “HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME!” From behind him a huge wave of darkness came flooding toward them, one that the two puffballs recognized from their own world. “Hold on!” Meta-Knight told her, pointing to hold Kirby, she did so. Zant chased after them but in the end the wave of darkness caught up with him and swallowed him in it, turning him to darkness along with everything else. Kirby, Meta-Knight, and the mystery woman headed up to the stars to dock in the Great Fox.
+
“One more song, David~!” Dimentio exclaimed. He started singing Ziggy Stardust, but Kermit did his best to drown him out. “See you next week on the Muppet Show! Yaaaaaaay~!” The curtains fell as the band in the orchestra pit played the closing theme. Meanwhile, up in the balcony, the geriatric hecklers known as Statler and Waldorf put in their two cents worth.
-
Fox meanwhile landed on the sands near a large bay area. As he prepared to exit the craft, a small green suited man with red shorts fell on top of his arwing. “What the?” Fox asked himself, opening the hatch and flinging the small man from his ship. “I don’t care what General Pepper might say, I’m using my blaster on this planet” Fox insisted pulling it out and preparing for anything.
+
“So Waldorf, do you believe in magic?”
-
“Who are you?” Fox asked. “Me? My name is Tingle! Tingle-Tingle, Kooloo-LIMPAH! I’m making and selling maps, would you be interested in one?” he asked. Fox rolled his eyes at the being, “No, I came here to save you from the darkness” Fox said. “Darkness? Don’t need saved from any darkness. But I wouldn’t mind being saved from that thing” Tingle said, pointing to the left of Fox where stood an odd creature. “Who are you?” Fox asked, but no answer was given. “He’s the Skull Kid, and he popped my traveling balloon” Tingle whined. Fox growled a bit in annoyance. “Enough already, I came here because darkness is approaching. When it gets here you will all be turned to nothing but darkness” Fox said.
+
“Sure! Every day I imagine that this theater disappears!”
-
“You there! Stop that skull kid! He stole my mask!” came the voice of a salesman who was apparently talking to Fox. The Skull Kid was wearing a very odd looking mask and didn’t seem as though he was about to rid himself of it as he hobbled away. “I don’t have time for this” Fox said grumpily, refusing to track down Skull Kid, or listen to the strange Tingle any longer. “I demand a rematch!” came a voice from behind Fox this time, it belonged to K. Rool who had been blasted to the planet only a moment ago. As K. Rool pulled the odd machine out again, Fox pulled his blaster out preparing to fight off the villain, but instead Skull Kid appeared from nowhere and jumped on Fox. The beam sent out by K. Rool hit Skull Kid, solidifying the odd creature and the mask along with him.
+
“Do ho ho ho!”
-
“I’ll get you yet mammal!” K. Rool roared, already resetting the gun. Grabbing the trophy of Skull Kid, and throwing Tingle into the hold, Fox decided to head out as the darkness cloud was now nearing their current position. He wondered if he should have left the annoying Tingle behind, but his conscience overcame him and he knew he’d done the right thing, he just wished he could have saved more. Down below he watched as the darkness covered the salesman and K. Rool, whom it didn’t affect, and then the whole bay area. A huge turtle caught Fox’s eye before it too was swallowed in the darkness.
+
At this point, Zoot, the resident saxophone player, would normally play the bum note. This time, however, he didn’t. Something was odd... He turned to the camera, a strange glint on his sunglasses. “Ah ha ha...” he muttered. “Ciao!” He snapped his fingers a la Dimentio and disappeared.
-
Elsewhere, Falco and Krystal had land fairly close to each other in an open field. “I don’t see anyone” Falco said, “I can’t feel any presence either, perhaps this is.. wait.. I’m picking up on someone..” Krystal said, her telepathic abilities were not of one of the higher telepathic beings in the universe, but she was able to detect others. Just then a horse carrying two people, a man and woman, came running. Directly behind them was another man, one with a gun like the others who seemed sinister, and behind him rose the cloud of darkness! “Quick, come with us, we can help you!” Krystal told them. Zelda, who possesses telepathic ability as well could sense the goodness in Krystal and Falco. “Link, let’s go with them, Ganondorf will eventually overcome us if we don’t” she told him, he nodded, still holding the trophy of Navi in his free hand.
+
“What the--?! How did--?! Zoot... how did he dooooo thaaaaaat???” Jess exclaimed.
-
“Quick, we gotta get out of here or we’re toast!” Falco said noticing the darkness and the man approaching quickly. Zelda vanished from the horse and reappeared inside Krystal’s ship. The female fox leapt in behind her and the engines were started. Falco climbed in his own waiting for Link. This was hard for Link, he was going to have to leave Epona behind, that would be two friends in one day. He petted its mane, then led her beside Falco’s ship where he leapt in. The hatches closed on both ships, Link looking out to see Epona run off across the field and Ganondorf looking up at the ships, firing the gun but luckily Falco and Krystal dodged. A moment later Ganondorf and then Epona were swept over by the darkness, Ganondorf was fine, but the same couldn’t be said for Link’s faithful friend.
+
“ZOOT'S GONE MAD WITH POWER! HE'S GONNA EAT THE CHORT!!!!” Maddie shouted. Quickly, they somehow made their way through the fabric of the universe and caught up to where Zoot had gone, which just happened to be Jess’s bedroom. Maddie was still in a state of shock. “What happened to him?” she asked no one in particular. “I thought he was kind! I thought he was funny! I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MADDIE AND ZOOT FOREVER!” Her eyes started to fill with tears.
-
Upon getting back to the Great Fox, Fox found Falco and Krystal had saved two, and that Kirby and Meta-Knight had saved one as well. “So, what just happened down there anyway?” Midna asked. “It was Ganondorf and another I’ve never seen before, they caused the darkness to invade our entire world” Zelda stated. “Was that the guy chasing us? That guy looked like he needed some serious psychological therapy, and he had one of those guns too” Falco said. “Hmm.. looks like my maps are useless now” Tingle said as he had looked out one of the viewing sections of the Great Fox to the planet down below being swallowed up by the darkness. Link also looked down below as well at the planet he had known and all of his various friends, knowing they were gone.
+
That’s when Jess noticed it: the way the light was refracting off of Zoot’s sunglasses made his eyes take on a somewhat emerald hue. “Wait a minute...” She slowly moved closer to the estranged musician and pulled his hat off. Planted on the top of his head was a small green stalk with two bright green leaves, which gave Zoot the appearance of a Pianta. It seemed to be radiating some sort of evil energy. “Here’s the problem,” Jess said, yanking the plant off his head. Zoot slowly turned back to his normal self.
-
“What now Fox?” Krystal asked. “ROB, have you tracked those other signatures?” Fox asked. “Yes Fox, they’ve went to three separate worlds, a map will be available for you once you arrive on the bridge” ROB said. “Alright, Krystal, Falco, get ready. We’re going to have to split up and do what we can to make sure those bombs don’t spread to those worlds as well” Fox stated. “Fox, three signatures are leaving the planet now, one is the crocodile seen earlier that the team battled, the other two I do not recognize” ROB said. “Are they headed to attack us?” Fox asked. “No. Wait.. getting a reading.. Fox, there is another ship nearby, perhaps it is connected?” ROB said. “We need to split up in four.. If Peppy and Slippy were here that would be no problem” Fox said, closing his eyes to hold back the emotion building inside of him.
+
“Huh...? What happened?”
-
“We’ll investigate the ship” Meta-Knight spoke up, causing Fox to look to him as well as Kirby who puffed up and nodded in agreement. “Hmm.. alright. ROB, you’ll take them that way after we’ve departed. Get that map ready for us ROB” Fox said.
+
”This plant happened.” Jess began spraying Weed-B-Gone on the plant, which is known as a Floro Sprout.
-
==Chapter 9==
+
-
While the events that led to the destruction of Link and Zelda’s home world unfolded, Samus and the others had stopped to investigate a signature floating through space. Activating the tractor beam, Samus pulled the life form inside. “It’s still alive, whatever it is. I believe it came from that planet next to yours” Samus told DK and the other two as she opened the gates for it to enter. When the air lock chamber was locked and sealed it opened up, and out stepped King Dedede!
+
-
“Whew, am I tired” said Dedede as he held his hammer over his shoulder. He then saw he had an audience. “Oh, I am King Dedede of the planet Popstar!” he announced. Samus decided to not even introduce herself, instead she decided to head back to the main deck of her ship. “Uh, so who are all of you?” he asked them. “I’m Mario” “Luigi” “I’m Princess Peach, and this is Toad” “Hey!” “I am Geno and this fellow beside of me is Mallow” “The name’s Donkey Kong, that’s Diddy and Dixie”
+
“Yay! Zoot’s back!” Maddie squealed and promptly tackle-hugged Zoot. I think it may have hurt him. “Thanks, Jess!”
-
“What about that one?” he asked, pointing to the cage holding the dragon. “Samus said that is Ridley” Geno stated. “Why’s he all caged up like that?” Dedede asked. “He’s a space pirate, Samus is transporting him to her home to go on trial I believe” Peach explained. “Oh, okay” Dedede said with a big goofy grin on his face. Then without warning he pulled back his mallet and flung it with the greatest amount of force he could muster, it soared through the air and smacked into the cage, smashing a part of it open. That was all Ridley needed!
+
“I can’t feel my parts...” Zoot murmured.
-
The moment he was out he went to attack the others. “I’m taking over this ship, there’s no way I’m flying around the universe helping that guy destroy stuff” Dedede stated. It was now evident they had picked up an enemy, someone that worked for the minister. “Not so long as I’m here” Samus said, now wearing her helmet as well and charging her cannon at the penguin.
+
“How do you think Dimentio got the Floro Sprout on him in the first place?”
-
Ridley attacked though and she now targeted the flying monster, but it was too late, she was knocked down and her chozo suit was already getting scratched by Ridley as he longed to break through and end Samus’s life. “Hey! What gives! Is that anyway to treat your new captain!” Dedede screamed as Mario began chasing the penguin with a fire flower. “Hold villain, you shall not prevail here!” Geno said, firing his finger shot at Ridley, one hit the beast in the eye, which caused him to refocus his attention on the others.
+
Jess chuckled. “Oh, he’s a sneaky little... whatever he is.” she replied.
-
He roared in anger and leapt at Geno, but Mallow stepped in and zapped the area directly in front of Ridley with a bolt of lightning. This caused Ridley to halt for the moment, but he was soon back to full force attack as he went for Geno again. That’s when a huge ball of light blasted the dragon into the side of the wall. It just so happened that that specific piece of wall was the doors to the outside. Samus, who had fired the shot from her arm cannon, activated the doors and they opened up and swiftly swallowed Ridley outside. The others began flying away too though. “Grab onto something!” Samus yelled as she held onto a doorway and activated the doors to shut.
+
Maddie stood up with a determined look on her face. “Okay, Dimmie! That's it!” she exclaimed. “You can beg for Bowie, sing with Bowie, but when you mess with either Jess, or my Muppet man, you have gone way too far! Come out so I can beat you senseless!”
-
The doors finally locked and the others fell back to the ground of which they held onto for dear life moments before. Then all eyes turned to Dedede. “Now that that is over, I demand this one be imprisoned” he said, pointing to Mario, “I’ll be going to pilot this ship now” Dedede stated matter of fact like.
+
“Yeah!” Jess shouted in agreement while holding up a colorful cereal box. “And these DimentiOs taste terrible, so I want a refund!”
-
“Hey, what’s the deal?! I’m your leader!” Dedede yelled as they threw him into another cage. Donkey Kong had made certain the gun was taken away from him. “Thanks to you I have to track that dragon down again” Samus complained. Dedede just began grumbling, groaning, and complaining about everything.
+
“Yeah!” Zoot chimed in. “And butt’s twelve by pies!”
-
“Ship approaching..” said the auto pilot of the ship. “Now what?” Samus asked herself as she headed for the deck of the ship. “What’s the info on this one?” Samus asked as she pushed some buttons. “Great Fox starship; registered to Star Fox team, specifically one Fox McCloud of the neighboring Lylat system” the computer stated. “Attention Great Fox,” Samus said over the ship’s communication system, “I am Samus Aran, bounty hunter of the galactic federation. Are you friend or foe?” she asked.
+
Maddie stared at him awkwardly. “Um... right. Just come here, jester-boy!”
-
“This is ROB, the onboard robot pilot of the Great Fox, our team has recently come to this system after detecting multiple disturbances” ROB stated. “I am registering life forms, six of them, on your ship” Samus replied. “They are guests from the planets that have recently been overcome with the darkness” ROB replied. “I am picking up on twelve life forms on your ship” ROB then said as a question. “They’re in the same situation as your guests, there is one dangerous enemy being detained” Samus answered. “If you wish, you have permission to dock your ship with ours” ROB said. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to share what information we have in person” Samus agreed and began programming the ship to do so.
+
“I think he’s hiding again...” Jess mused. She proceeded to look in a cardboard box and under the bed, overlooking the glowing lightning-bolt shape in midair.
-
A few minutes later the doors open and the whole group, save for Dedede, made their way inside the Great Fox. “Welcome, I am ROB” said the robot as he approached them. “I’m Samus Aran” she said, still wearing her helmet. “You are a robot as well then?” ROB asked. “Huh? Oh, no. Just a second” she said and removed her helmet. ROB’s hopes seem deflated. “Welcome aboard the Great Fox” ROB then said and walked back toward the bridge. The groups began to mingle then and the various stories were exchanged, when Dedede was brought up though Meta-Knight and Kirby both showed faces of anger. “Let me deal with that traitor properly!” Meta-Knight stated. “He will be dealt with, by the galactic federation” Samus said, refusing them permission to enact any revenge upon the foolish penguin King.
+
“I think he's in that dimensional rift right in the middle of the air,” Maddie pointed out.
-
“What do we do now?” Mario asked. “We take the battle to them, stand up for your worlds, and for all of the others” Samus stated. “How can we defeat those guns and the bombs of darkness though?” Mallow asked. “Not quite sure, but if we stand around in outer space waiting for an answer, you’re never going to get one. We’ve got to take the battle to them” Samus said. “Alright robot, find out wherever that leader of there’s was headed and get us there” Samus stated. ROB went ahead and input the coordinates. “Huh?! That can’t be right” Samus said. “Why? What’s wrong?” Peach asked. “Those coordinates, that’s the home planet of the galactic federation!” Samus stated.
+
“Okay,” Jess said. “Lemme just go find Fleep, he may be sitting on that glorious porcelain bowl full of water again... You know what I mean, right?”
 +
 
 +
“I remember reading something about needing a toilet...” At this point, Jess started singing the song Fleep had been singing while in the outhouse on Planet Blobule in Super Paper Mario, which sent Maddie into another gigglefit. “We still need Fleep, though. I really want to get the whoopin' on Dimmie.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay.” Jess went down the hall towards the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Fleep, you in there?” she asked.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah!” Maddie called out. “We could really use some rift-flipping powers!”
 +
 
 +
“I’m-a busy, amore!” an Italian accent called back. Then it started mumbling to itself. “Darn it-a... Why-a do these eediots keep-a the toilet paper up-a so high where I cannot reach-a?!!”
 +
 
 +
Maddie was sent into another gigglefit, while Zoot didn’t get it at all. “What's funny about toilets?” he asked. “Why are toilets so funny? Jess, explain to me why toilets are funny.” All Jess did was shrug her shoulders. Apparently she didn’t know, either. Inside the bathroom, there were sounds of wood striking wood repeatedly, probably signifying that Fleep was trying the use-the-plunger-to-knock-a-roll-of-toilet-paper-down trick. “Fleep, you almost done? We really need you!” Maddie called again.
 +
 
 +
There was the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink running water. After a few seconds, the door opened and some sort of rectangle-shaped creature with wings and a tail fluttered out. “Okay, I'm-a done-a!” it said. Apparently, this was Fleep.
 +
 
 +
“Great!” Maddie exclaimed. “Now we can beat the ever-loving snot out of jester-boy!”
 +
 
 +
“And I can learn to tie my shoes,” Zoot said, sending Jess into a gigglefit.
 +
==Chapter 3: "Go Cards!!!"==
 +
“Okay!” Maddie exclaimed. “Let's kick some Bowie-obsessor's bootie!”
 +
 
 +
“Fleep...” Jess addressed the Pixl hovering beside her. “Do your stuff!”
 +
 
 +
“Okie-dokie!” Fleep fluttered up to the dimensional rift and flipped it around. Behind it was... a blue block. “Crap!” Jess shouted. “It’s his "magical game of tag" block! Oh well.” She hit the block with her fist. As soon as she did, they were all sent soaring through the fabric of the universe. Zoot squealed something about being a birdie. “Okay...” Jess muttered, surveying their new surroundings. “We are in...” Just then, music began to play. It sounded very familiar to Jess for some reason. She thought on it... it was the GRC Cardinals’ fight song! “My school’s football field??? Oh yeah, there was a game toni—” She didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence, as she was tackled by a Cardinals linebacker. After Jess had been tackled, she noticed something purple and yellow moving towards the GRC band. “Look, there he goes!” she cried. “GET HIM!!!” Jess was then trompled on by the Cardinals quarterback.
 +
 
 +
Maddie rushed to her friend’s side. “You okay?” she asked. She looked around. “I think Zoot needs to be trampled by one of them. He's sorta acting crazier than normal.”
 +
 
 +
“Yeah, he’s streakin’.” It was true. Zoot was running around the football field with no clothes on. Thankfully, for the sake of the audience, I won’t go into detail.
 +
 
 +
“Please, someone stop him!” Maddie cried, covering her eyes. “I can handle Zoot in swimming trunks, but this is insane!”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said. She called to the person in the Cardinal mascot costume. “You! Cardinal mascot guy!”
 +
 
 +
“Me?”
 +
 
 +
“Yes, you.” She directed the mascot’s attention to Zoot. “Get some pants on that guy.”
 +
 
 +
“Sure thing.” The mascot hurriedly grabbed a pair of Cardinal basketball shorts that were lying around and stuffed Zoot into them. Crisis averted!
 +
 
 +
Maddie sighed in relief. “Zoot, what do you have to say for yourself?” she asked him. He said nothing at first. Then, he began to sing a little ditty for no reason whatsoever.
 +
 
 +
“I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!”
 +
 
 +
“Right...”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said proudly. “Now let's go get Dime-- wait...” She turned around to see that the jester was no longer there. “WHERE THE CRAP DID HE GO?!!?!??”
 +
 
 +
Maddie pointed to the bandstands. “Is that him? The one pestering that band to play a David Bowie song?” she asked.
 +
 
 +
Jess looked over, seeing an albino boy wearing a purple-n-black hoodie. “You mean that albino kid? No, that's Damion Nalburn, from coolPARODIES,” she told her friend. “Just as Bowie-obsessed, though usually hides it when Maya's around... otherwise she'll go MURDOIR ON YOH BOOTAY.” At this, a spiky-haired young boy with a ghost floating above him stared at Jess in shock. “Yoh, get back in your own universe!” He disappeared, along with his supernatural companion. “Ah, that brought back sweet memories of the good ol' days when 4Kids TV was still FoxBox... SHAMAN KING w00t.”
 +
 
 +
“I see,” Maddie replied. She looked around. “We still need to find Dimmie, though. I don't want to think of what danger he could cause...”
 +
 
 +
Jess’s eyes quickly scanned the field. Dimentio wasn’t in the stands... or near the locker rooms... Eventually, she caught sight of a purple-n-yellow floaty thing hovering over the Tates Creek quarterback. “There he is! Hovering over the Tates Creek quarterback...”
 +
 
 +
“What is he doing that for?” Maddie asked.
 +
 
 +
As Dimentio began charging up a magical starburst, Jess saw what was going on. He shot the starburst at the Tates Creek quarterback, making him dizzy for several seconds. The Cardinal players took advantage of this moment and seized victory. The GRC students and faculty all cheered, the Tates Creek students and faculty either cried or sweared, but only two girls at the edge of the field saw the Bowie-obsessed jester doing a jig in midair. Methinks he rigged the game because he had money riding on this one, but I can’t prove that just yet.
 +
 
 +
“Congrats on the win!” Maddie cheered. “But I'm still not happy about Dimmie and a certain Muppet love of mine.” She looked around again. “Speaking of that, where is Zoot?” The blue Muppet saxophonist had disappeared.
 +
 
 +
“Crap!” Jess shouted. “He’s gone!”
 +
 
 +
Maddie stomped her foot on the ground. “Dangit!” she cried out. “We gotta get that jester! And we can do that with cool, cool glasses!” She pulled a pair of orange-tinted sunglasses from her pocket and put them on. Jess giggled, then took out some silver sunglasses that looked like window blinds and put them on. The theme of Dangeresque 2: This Time It’s Not Dangeresque 1 was playing in the background, though this author hears Fooling Yourself(The Angry Young Man) by Styx.
 +
 
 +
“Okay, now where’s Dimentio...?” Jess muttered.
 +
 
 +
“Hmm, maybe he's the one trying to talk to that life-size poster of David Bowie.” Maddie pointed out a man dressed in purple and yellow trying to hold a conversation with a life-size image from the movie Labyrinth. He was holding a bottle of some kind.
 +
 
 +
“Oh yeah,” Jess snickered. “He’s drunk again.” They both laughed.
 +
 
 +
“The question is...” Maddie thought aloud. “...who gave it to him this time?” Jess just shrugged. “Well, anyways, since he's too drunk to notice us, let's catch him.” They both reached for two conveniently placed butterfly nets and slowly closed in on their “prey”.
 +
 
 +
“One... two... three... GET HIM!”
 +
 
 +
“Yah!”
 +
 
 +
In an instant, they both lowered their nets on Dimentio. He was slow to notice them, due to his intoxication, but he screamed when the nets came down. “The Spiders from Mars!!!” he shrieked. “They've turned on me for bothering their master Bowiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!”
 +
 
 +
“Come on Dimmie,” Maddie told him with an angry look in her eyes. “I'd like to introduce you to my friends Jacoby and Meyers.” She held up a fist with each name.
 +
 
 +
“No thanks, I’ve already met them,” Dimentio replied in slurred speech.
 +
 
 +
“Well, have you met my other friends, Ira and Glass?”
 +
 
 +
“Ira... Glass... Hourglass!” The drunken jester laughed at the joke only he seemed to get, then passed out.
 +
 
 +
“Okay...” Maddie gazed at the other end of the football field. “Zoot!” she cried. “Where are you?” The question was soon answered, as Zoot was standing a few feet away from them, staring at his shoeless feet.
 +
 
 +
“So many colors!”
 +
 
 +
“Zoot, you’re staring at your shoeless feet.” Maddie turned to Jess, but she saw something was wrong with her friend. Her normally gray eyes had a greenish tint to them, and her face held no discernable expression. “Hail Dimentio!” she suddenly shouted. “He is totally coolies.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay...”
 +
 
 +
“Will you hail Dimentio, too?”
 +
 
 +
“I dunno...”
 +
 
 +
Suddenly, the silhouetted shape of a lady pig leaped toward the group and karate chopped Jess’s head with a hearty “HIYA!!”. “Aah! What the—” A small green plant identical to the one that had overtaken Zoot’s mind fell out of Jess’s mess of brown hair. “Wh... what happened?” Jess asked in a daze.
 +
 
 +
“Phew!” a female voice said. “I'm glad to see that horrible Bowie-obsessed jester doesn't have control over vous anymore, sweetie!” The voice happened to belong to none other than Miss Piggy, a lady pig with the tenacity so common in love struck females.
 +
 
 +
“Miss Piggy...?” Jess mumbled. “Why'd you hit me in the head?”
 +
 
 +
Miss Piggy smiled. “Oh, it's quite simple, darling,” she told her. “First off, moi did not want you to be spirited away against your will by some nincompoop who's obsessed with a singer who went out of style at least a decade ago—”
 +
 
 +
“Hey... I heard... heard that... p... pork queen!” Dimentio muttered before passing out again.
 +
 
 +
“OH PUT A SOCK IN IT BEFORE I SOCK IT TO YA!” the pig shouted. “Now where was I? Oh yes! Secondly, if you're canned...” Miss Piggy elbowed Jess in a “hint-hint” sort of way. “Who's gonna write/draw Club Henson and give us Muppets our well-earned publicity back?”
 +
 
 +
“Oh yeah...” A painful twinge went through Jess’s head. “Oh geez, my head hurts...”
 +
 
 +
Miss Piggy picked up the Floro Sprout. “Well, I would expect so when there's a mind controlling tree-thing growing out of it.” She through the Sprout onto a barbeque that some immature freshmen had started.
 +
 
 +
“Yay! You’re okay!” Maddie exclaimed. “Zoot's happy too, right, Zoot? Zoot?”
 +
 
 +
Zoot was busy watching a slug crawl up his arm. “Slimy,” he said to himself. “I wonder what the slime tastes like...”
 +
 
 +
“Zoot! Don’t!” Maddie shouted. Jess acted quick and picked the slug off of Zoot, setting it free near a nice little dandelion. “Phew... now, how do we get out of here?”
 +
 
 +
“Easy,” Jess said. “We make Dimentio warp us out.” She turned to the intoxicated jester. “Dimentio, warp us out.”
 +
 
 +
“I... I don't th-think you... wanna do thaaat...” Dimentio said.
 +
 
 +
“Why not?”
 +
 
 +
“Ah ha ha ha... I'm DRUNK!  Drunk drunk drunk... and confused... and... who spiked the punch booooooowwwl~?” He passed out for a third time.
 +
 
 +
“Great,” Jess moaned. “Just flippin' great. Ah well. Let's just leave him here. We'll let the hangover overtake him in the morning.” They stepped over the inebriated pile of Bowie obsession and made their way out of the football field.
 +
==Chapter 4: The Hangover==
 +
When we last left our “heroes”, they had just witnessed the GRC Cardinals make an impressive football victory against Tates Creek, with just a little help from Dimentio the Bowie-obsessed jester. Afterwards, he got drunk and made a complete fool of himself. Jess and Maddie were exiting the football field when Maddie got a bright idea. “We could always call Dribble and Spitz with their taxi cab,” she said.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah...” Jess said, snickering. “But they'll dribble and spit on us.” She laughed at her joke, but quickly noticed she was the only one laughing. “Okay, not funny...”
 +
 
 +
“No they won’t,” Maddie replied. “They'll probably argue about who would win in a battle: King Kong or Godzilla. Or comment how the new Pokemon look more like Digimon. Or something around those lines.”
 +
 
 +
“Oh, okay then.”
 +
 
 +
Maddie pulled out a cellphone and called Dribble and Spitz. “Now we just have to wait,” she told Jess. “Don't worry about them seeing Dimentio. They've unwillingly picked up an alien and mermaid before.” She winked.
 +
 
 +
Jess nodded. “Okay,” she replied. “But just to be silly...” Jess quickly jammed a bright orange wig on Dimentio and slapped the back of his head(for no reason). “Mrs Jones needs a ride, tooooo~!”
 +
 
 +
At that moment, a typical yellow taxi pulled into the school parking lot, stopping in front of the building. Inside the cab was an oversized orange bulldog and a small yellow cat. The yellow cat, Spitz, told them, “Climb in da back. We gots some room.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said happily. She turned to Dimentio. “C'mon... Mrs Jones. Time to take you back home.”
 +
 
 +
“...snort...move the stars for no one...”
 +
 
 +
“Don't mind her,” Jess told the cabbies. “She's my elderly neighbor who has a skin condition where her face is black and white.” She hid her snicker in a cough.  “Yeah, she's been out at a party and I had to bring her home.”
 +
 
 +
“Right,” the dog(Dribble) replied. After they had all piled in, he shifted the cab’s gear and exclaimed, “'Kay, let's hit the road!”
 +
 
 +
“Whee!” Zoot cried. “Road trip!”
 +
 
 +
Spitz looked back at Zoot with a strange expression on his face. “What's his problem?” he asked. “And why is he only wearing shorts?”
 +
 
 +
“Long story,” Maddie told him.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah, and even longer when we tell it,” Jess agreed. Dimentio mumbled something about not being Flavio’s son, whatever that meant. “Oh, be quiet, Dime-- I mean, Mrs Jones.”
 +
 
 +
“Whatever.” Spitz turned back around.
 +
 
 +
“I think they’re buying it!” Jess whispered to Maddie. She turned to the cabbies and told them her address. “We’re on it!” exclaimed Dribble. He hit the gas and they sped out of the parking lot and onto the main road. It’s a good thing this is only a story, otherwise people coulda been hurt from that. Jess, Maddie and Zoot squealed with delight at the high speeds the cab was reaching. Dimentio was acting like an idiot due to his drunken state, so Jess hit him. “Sorry about her,” she told Dribble and Spitz. “She hasn't had her evening meds yet, she's a little... crazy.”
 +
 
 +
Turns out the cabbies weren’t even paying attention to her. “You know, I can do a pretty good impression of Wobbuffet,” Spitz said proudly. He scrunched his eyes up more than they already were and held his arm near his head in a saluting manner. “WOOOOOOBUUUU—”
 +
 
 +
“The visuals are funny enough, thank you,” Dribble told him, slightly annoyed. Jess was giggling in the back. Suddenly, the engine began to sputter. The speeding cab was slowing down greatly, soon coming to a complete stop. “Okay, we got a problem,” Dribble muttered.
 +
 
 +
“What’s wrong?” asked Jess.
 +
 
 +
“Not sure,” Dribble replied. “Let me see.” He got out of the cab and opened the hood. At first, there was just a lot of black smoke, then he found what had crapped up the cab. “Well, I found the problem. Looks like somebody tried to cram-a-lam some Swiss Cake Rolls into the battery.”
 +
 
 +
“Wasn’t me,” Dimentio immediately said. “I hate those things. HATE ‘EM!” Jess proceeded to hit him again.
 +
 
 +
“We can't go anywhere without the battery,” Spitz grumbled. “Hey! We could use some help over here! Don't try to back off, jester!”
 +
 
 +
Dimentio jolted, causing the wig on his head to fall off. “He knows!!” he gasped.
 +
 
 +
“Meh, the disguise was just my Beaker wig, anyway,” Jess laughed. She turned to the cabbies. “Okay, I know squat about mechanics, but I'll try to help out.”
 +
 
 +
“My only question is how the Swiss Cake Rolls got in here,” Dribble mused.
 +
 
 +
Spitz glared at Zoot. “Maybe the blue dude with just shorts knows,” he said. Jess nodded, since Zoot’s face was covered in chocolate in frosting, which looked suspicious.
 +
 
 +
“Zoot?” Maddie asked him. “Do you know how these Swiss Cake Rolls got into the battery of the cab?”
 +
 
 +
“Um... no.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay then,” Jess said. “What are you eating?”
 +
 
 +
“Um, nothing.”
 +
 
 +
Maddie shook her head in slight disbelief. “Okay, then why do you have chocolate and frosting all over your mouth, and holding a Swiss Cake Roll wrapper?”
 +
 
 +
“Um, I found the wrapper, and I'm eating a cupcake?”
 +
 
 +
“Uh-huh. Right. I think we found our culprit.”
 +
 
 +
Jess started laughing. “Zoot, you are soooo busted,” she told him. He didn’t hear her, though, since he was chasing after a butterfly. Spitz also saw the butterfly and, being a cat, he chased after it as well. Jess also chased after it, but with a camera so she could get its picture.
 +
 
 +
“Spitz!” Dribble called out. “Come back! I need help with the taxi! I almost got it fixed!” Jess dragged Zoot and Spitz back to the taxi and they all got in. “Okay! Let’s hit the road again!” He put the pedal to the metal and off like a rocket they went.
 +
 
 +
“I like butterflies,” said Zoot.
 +
 
 +
“I like buttered toast,” Spitz replied.
 +
 
 +
“Buttered toast? I don’t get that.”
 +
 
 +
“Well, maybe you should of ordered some!”
 +
 
 +
“Y’know what they say,” Dimentio hiccupped. “All toasters toast toast!” Jess almost vomited from the presence of a running gag found in YouTube Poop. Zoot started to sing a little song.
 +
 
 +
Everybody knows it
 +
Everybody knows it's true.
 +
Oh yeah.
 +
And work out twice a day.
 +
Don't ask me why I said it,
 +
'Cause I already forgot.
 +
I ALREADY FORGOT! I ALREADY FORGOT!
 +
I can't remember yesterday,
 +
I only remember Steve!
 +
I can't remember Steve now!
 +
 
 +
He mostly just got weird looks, though Jess laughed. “Who’s Steve?” Dribble asked Spitz, though his feline friend had no idea who the heck Steve was. Jess had been staring out the window for the past few minutes, trying to catch a glimpse of her house. Soon, she caught sight of the trashy house beside it. “Okay, my house is coming up... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here!”
 +
 
 +
Dribble stopped the cab right in front of Jess’s house. “Here we are!” he said.
 +
 
 +
“Great!” Jess exclaimed. She kicked Dimentio out of the cab before getting out herself. “Thanks, you guys!”
 +
 
 +
“See ya!”
 +
 
 +
“Bye-di-bye!” They all waved(except for Dimentio) as Dribble and Spitz drove off. Suddenly, Jess realized something. “Oh, crap,” she moaned. “I forgot to pay the fare.” She shrugged. “Oh well. If they're dumb enough not to realize that, then poop on them.”
 +
 
 +
“They do it all the time!” Maddie exclaimed. “They've done it with an alien and a mermaid!”
 +
 
 +
Jess laughed. She pulled a rainbow-colored key from her pocket and unlocked the front door. “Dimentio, get in there,” she said after she opened the door, kicking the jester inside. His eyes spun in their sockets.
 +
 
 +
“Why for must you be so violet???” he cried.
 +
 
 +
“Purple,” Jess replied firmly. “There is no violet. And I think the term you're looking for in this situation would be "violent". With a N.” It was Maddie’s turn to laugh. “Okay, so... what do we do now?” Jess asked her friend.
 +
 
 +
“Well, for one thing, we should get Zoot some decent clothes,” Maddie replied. “I don't think he should be just in basketball shorts.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said. “I don't think I still have clothes that would fit him, but I'll see what I can do.” She rummaged through her dresser drawers until she found a pair of orange plaid shorts and an old Stinkoman T-shirt. “I think these’ll work!” she exclaimed, giving the old clothes to Zoot.
 +
 
 +
“Okay, Zoot, just go in the bathroom and change into those,” Maddie said. Zoot went into the bathroom and closed the door.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah, and watch out for the man-eating toilet!” Jess called to him. She looked over at Maddie, who had somewhat of a frightened expression on her face. “Don’t worry, it only eats you if you don't flush it all down.”
 +
 
 +
“Oh... I don't think Zoot wanted to go to the bathroom.”
 +
 
 +
“I know.” Jess laughed, then looked over at Dimentio. “Oh look, Dimentio's doing a musical number on my bed,” she said. Then she realized what she had just said. “DIMENTIO, GET OFA MY BED!!!” Dimentio was doing the YMCA dance, accompanied by the song.
 +
 
 +
“I got him,” Maddie said. She pulled a heavy bowling ball out of nowhere and threw it at Dimentio, knocking him to the ground. Zoot, now fully dressed, came back in the room to see Dimentio on the floor. “What’d I miss?” he asked.
 +
 
 +
“You missed the Dimentio drunk dance,” Jess told him. She looked over at the unconscious jester. “Hmm, bowling ball... why didn’t I think of that?”
 +
 
 +
“Since when does Dimentio get drunk?”
 +
 
 +
“Um...I think you just need to take it easy.”
 +
 
 +
“Why do pies fly?”
 +
 
 +
Jess pondered the question for a bit. “From what I’ve heard,” she started to say, but paused to think it over. When she thought about it, she continued, “Dimentio gets drunk every so often ever since a certain ruler of a certain Labyrinth introduced him to the concept of alcohol. It all went downhill from that point on.” As Zoot was feeling elated to know why his fellow Bowie fan had gotten drunk, Jess looked over at Dimentio, who hadn’t popped back up laughing in the face of defeat like usual. “Hey, did you kill him with that bowling ball or what?”
 +
 
 +
“No, he’s just asleep,” Maddie explained. “Listen.” Sure enough, Dimentio was sawing the proverbial log. Jess sighed in relief. “So... now what?” Maddie asked. “'Cause we're not in the taxi, and Dribble and Spitz are probably back in Diamond City right now.”
 +
 
 +
Jess thought for a bit. “Hmm... we can always play with the guinea pig,” she said. As soon as she said that, Fluffernut, Jess’s guinea pig, started squeaking for carrots and hay and other wonderful things.
 +
 
 +
“Yay!” Maddie cried in excitement. “Zoot! Dimmie! Come and see Fluffernut!”
 +
 
 +
“No, don’t wake Dimentio yet,” Jess whispered. “I got a surprise for him.” She quietly seized Fluffernut from her cage and moved towards the sleeping jester. “I'm gonna put her on his face~!” They stifled their giggles as Jess lowered Fluffernut’s hindquarters onto Dimentio’s face. At that point, however, Dimentio woke up. “GAAH! There’s a RAT BUTT in my face!!!” he screamed.
 +
 
 +
“Guinea butt, actually.”
 +
 
 +
“Aah, gaah! Get it off!” Dimentio flailed about, causing Fluffernut to roll off his face and harmlessly onto the floor. Everyone else laughed themselves silly. “It’s not funny.”
 +
 
 +
“Well, looks like he's sobering up now,” Jess observed. “Cue hangover... NOW!” Precisely on cue, Dimentio clutched his forehead in severe agony and started moaning about how much his head hurt. Hey, that’s what alcohol does to you! As Maddie was trying to keep her gigglefit under control, Jess thought the situation over a bit. “Hmm... do you think we've been to mean to him?” she asked no one in particular. “Think we should be a little nicer to our resident Bowie fan?”
 +
 
 +
“I think so.”
 +
 
 +
“I wasn’t asking you.”
 +
 
 +
“Well, we have been sorta mean to him,” Maddie concurred. “Too bad Dribble and Spitz couldn't be here. Maybe all Dimmie needs is a day or two in Diamond City.”
 +
 
 +
Jess looked a bit embarrassed for some reason. “I really haven't played the WarioWare games to know that much about Diamond City,” she uttered. “What’s it like?”
 +
 
 +
“Here’s a description for you,” Maddie said. She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and read what was on it. “Glorious Diamond City. A clean, calm place, despite the drugs and filth littering the streets. Full of kind people, except for the regulars, who might randomly pull a switchblade on someone. You get the idea. Plus, you gotta see how weird some of the citizens are. Besides Dribble, Spitz, and Wario, there's a witch in training, an alien, and two Nintendo fanboys. And that's just some of them.”
 +
 
 +
“Oh my,” Jess said, at somewhat of a loss for words. “Sounds like a... great place...”
 +
 
 +
Dimentio, however, jumped at the chance. “Okay, let's go!” he exclaimed. “After my migraine's over... augh, my head...”
 +
 
 +
“Well, you shouldn’t drink so much.”
 +
 
 +
After a little while, Maddie managed to find some Tylenol to take care of Dimentio’s migraine. He gulped down the whole bottle, which is not something I would recommend to anyone. “I feel a little better already,” he said, smiling a little.
 +
 
 +
“You think you're feeling good enough to go to Diamond City?” asked Maddie.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah, guess so,” he replied, grinning broadly this time.
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess shouted. “Let’s go!”
 +
 
 +
“Wew hew!”
 +
 
 +
“That’s my line...”
 +
 
 +
Dimentio began to work his magic and soon all four of them were sent sailing through the fabric of the universe, on their way to the city of WarioWare fame.
 +
==Chapter 5: Welcome to Diamond City==
 +
The unlikely foursome arrived in Diamond City as soon as you could say “How ‘bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?”. Maddie glanced over at Dimentio and noticed there was something like a fuzzball on his hat. “Hey, Dimmie, what's that fuzzball on your hat?” she asked.
 +
 
 +
“What fuzzball?”
 +
 
 +
Jess noticed it too, but she knew immediately what it was. “Oh, that’s no fuzzball,” she said slyly. “That’s shed.”
 +
 
 +
“Shed???” Dimentio shouted. “From that rodent?!!?!?!?!!!”
 +
 
 +
“No, from the Killer Rabbit.”
 +
 
 +
Maddie laughed again. “Well, here we are at Diamond City,” she told the others. “Let me give you the grand tour. I love coming here. We could stay in the hotel, if you want to.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay.”
 +
 
 +
They made their way through the city until they came upon two tall buildings, one of which had a big “W” sign on it. “There it is, right next to the building with the big W on it. That's where WarioWare Inc. is,” Maddie told them. She walked towards the hotel, with Zoot following. “Let’s go!”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said. She started to follow them. “Come on, Dimentio!”
 +
 
 +
“I’m taking a leak!” Dimentio was holding a bottle of tropical citrus vitaminwater that had been improperly sealed, and it was spewing.
 +
 
 +
“Oh, just come on!” Jess shouted.
 +
 
 +
“Hold on!” Dimentio was using the vitaminwater spew to write his name in a pile of ash... or something like that. “Done!” He flew off to join the rest at the hotel.
 +
 
 +
Inside the hotel, Maddie rang the service bell at the front desk. “Anyone here?” she called out and rang the bell again. Soon, a lovely redheaded concierge with sapphire eyes came to the front desk. “Hi, Maddie!” she greeted happily.
 +
 
 +
“Mona!” Maddie was very happy to see her friend. “Wait... another job?”
 +
 
 +
“Yeah,” replied Mona. “I guess working for Wario, playing in the band and making pizza just isn’t rolling in the coins. So, how can I help you?” She then noticed Dimentio. “You know what, you sorta look familiar...” she told him.
 +
 
 +
“Really?” Dimentio pondered for a minute. “You don't look familiar to me... Maybe we knew each other once and I forgot.”
 +
 
 +
“Ah, well, that happens.”
 +
 
 +
“Maybe,” Mona murmured. “My boyfriend keeps on telling me about another plumber. Maybe that's how I know you.”
 +
 
 +
“Oh... really?” Dimentio’s brain was working faster than Sonic the Hedgehog’s feet. Plumber... plumber... he thought. If my memory serves me right, she's either talking about the hero or the green one... either way, I'm in deep, dark doodie now!
 +
 
 +
At that point, a Wartortle wearing an orange headband walked into the building. “Hey, Jess,” the Wartortle asked. “Where’s Mattie?” It took Jess a while to understand who the Wartortle was talking about.
 +
 
 +
“How should I know, Mikey?” she finally replied.
 +
 
 +
“Well, since you're the author of our story,” Mikey rambled on and on.
 +
 
 +
“Hey, I don't keep track of where my characters roam when I'm not controlling their actions,” Jess told him firmly.
 +
 
 +
“Oh, okay,” Mikey said. “I'll just stick with you until I find her!” He received a big black hand outlined in white in his face.
 +
 
 +
“Sorry, Koopa rip-off,” Dimentio said slyly. “The position of annoying video game character that follows Jess everywhere has already been taken.”
 +
 
 +
“Hey, I've been around longer than you, floaty boy!” Mikey shouted. “Wanna make something out of it?!”
 +
 
 +
Uh oh... better break these two up before it gets violent... Jess stepped in between Dimentio and Mikey in an attempt to make some peace. “Uh, hey guys, let's not fight. Let's talk this through calm—” She got hit in the face by a Water Gun assault. As they fought, Mona ran out of the hotel to try and get help from the Diamond City citizens. “I hate to summon the big guns,” Jess muttered. Then she yelled at the top of her lungs, “DAVID BOWIE AND MICK JAGGER TOLD ME TO TELL YOU BOTH TO STOP FIGHTING!!!” That got their attention.
 +
 
 +
“David told you... personally???”
 +
 
 +
“Well, if Mr Jagger says so...” Mikey held out his hand to shake with Dimentio. “Truce?” he asked.
 +
 
 +
“Temporary,” Dimentio replied, and shook Mikey’s hand.
 +
 
 +
“Ah, men and their music,” Jess said blissfully.
 +
 
 +
Mona reappeared in the hotel with some of the citizens. “Okay,” she said to the jester and the Wartortle. “Don’t harm each other any more!”
 +
 
 +
“Don't worry, I don't think they will,” Jess said. “The masters of rock 'n roll have commanded it~!”
 +
 
 +
“Oh. Okay,” Mona sighed in relief. “Well, why don't I get you that room?”
 +
 
 +
“Okay!”
 +
 
 +
Mona fished around in a desk drawer and pulled out an old-fashioned key. “Here's your room key,” she said. “It's on the second floor. The elevator's just right there. Enjoy your stay in Diamond Hotels!”
 +
 
 +
Jess took the key and looked at it for a bit. Then she held it up in the air triumphantly. You got the Hotel Key! Opens a room in Diamond Hotel. Jess soon noticed everyone staring at her. “Sorry,” she said. “Had a Paper Mario moment.”
 +
 
 +
“I have those all the time,” Dimentio replied.
 +
 
 +
“I mostly just have strange dreams where I'm this 16-year-old human boy with blue hair whose mom and dad are humans half-bred with Pokemon so I'm part Wartortle instead of fully Wartortle like usual...” It was Mikey’s turn to have everyone stare at him now. “What?”
 +
 
 +
“Okay, now that we know which hotel room is ours, how about that tour?” Maddie asked. Everyone agreed. So Maddie led the way to WarioWare Inc, with Jess(dragging Mikey and Dimentio) and Zoot following close behind. “Wario!” Maddie called out once they were inside. “Hey, Wario! I want you to meet some people! Well more like a person, jester, puppet, and turtle...”
 +
 
 +
Even though Jess had never been to Diamond City, she had enough experience with Wario on the Mario Kart circuits to know that he was, for lack of a better word, unhygienic. “Dimentio,” she whispered to the jester. “If I get overwhelmed by stench, spray the stuff on the signal.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay, but what's the signal?”
 +
 
 +
“You'll know it when you hear it.”
 +
 
 +
“Okay.”
 +
 
 +
At that moment, a lumbering mass of pure fat and avarice with a mustache lumbered toward them. This, my friends, was Wario. “What’s the big idea?!” Wario bellowed. “You could have knocked!” Stench rating so far: 2.
 +
 
 +
“I like pie,” said Zoot.
 +
 
 +
Wario’s eyes clenched in anger. “And you HAD to bring him along!”
 +
 
 +
“Oh my,” Jess moaned. “What now?”
 +
 
 +
“Zoot, I thought I said you were officially banned from here!” Wario shouted at Zoot.
 +
 
 +
“When did you say that?” Zoot asked.
 +
 
 +
“You know, I said that, you were in scuba gear, and then you pulled of your head and you were Orbulon, and—” Wario made a disgusted face.
 +
 
 +
“When did this happen?” Jess asked. Uh oh, I sense a disturbance in the Force... Stench meter: 5.5.
 +
 
 +
Maddie shook her head. “I think you were just dreaming,” she told Wario.
 +
 
 +
“No I wasn’t!” Wario exclaimed. “I was eating raw hotdogs.” Seeing the disgusted look on Jess’s face, he shouted, “Hey! You just can't respect good taste!”
 +
 
 +
“Um, I think we can,” Maddie said. She pretended to look at her watch. “Oh, look at the time. We gotta get going! Just back away slowly...”
 +
 
 +
“Okay,” Jess said, smiling slyly. “But first, I've just gotta say that I'm feeling a bit... DEMENTED!” Apparently that was the signal, for Dimentio then sprayed Demented(his own line of perfume) in Wario’s face. Then they all left WarioWare Inc. So began their whirlwind tour of Diamond City. Sometime later, Zoot’s stomach started to rumble.
 +
 
 +
“Zoot’s getting hungry,” Maddie observed. “We should stop for some food here.”
 +
 
 +
Jess nodded. “Okay. I’m kinda hungry, too.”
 +
 
 +
“I know the perfect place!” Maddie exclaimed. “Mona Pizza! Let’s go!” She let the group to Mona Pizza, the local pizzeria. Jess jumped for joy(and not her mom) because it was well known that she was a pizza addict. “They have tons of pizzas,” Maddie explained to the group. “But I still like the gelato best.”
 +
 
 +
“What’s gelato?” Jess asked. As they were walking, something happened. The earth must have shifted somehow, causing Jess to fall to the hard concrete, scraping her knee. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!” she cried.
 +
 
 +
“You okay?!” Maddie rushed to her friend’s side. “Here, I’ll get you some gelato,” she said as she helped Jess up. “It's like ice cream, but with no cream. It's just frozen milk, sugar, and flavors. It's a whole lot creamier than ice cream.” She helped Jess walk to Mona Pizza, while Dimentio muttered something along the lines of “wimp”.
 +
 
 +
“That killed my knee!” Jess wailed. “I hope Mona Pizza also has a first aid kit...”
 +
 
 +
“I know the perfect first aid kit,” Maddie said. She winked. They entered Mona Pizza, where the redhead concierge from the Hotel skated up to them. “Hey, girls!” Mona greeted them. “Can I help you?”
 +
 
 +
“Yep, we need a ‘first aid kit’,” Maddie said.
 +
 
 +
“Sure thing!” Mona replied, smiling. “Just get a table, and I'll be right there.”
 +
 
 +
Maddie helped Jess to a table, where she sat down to rest her injured knee. “Don’t worry,” Maddie told Jess. “This will help you really good.”
 +
 
 +
Jess started to get a little suspicious. “What is it?” she asked.
 +
 
 +
Meanwhile, Dimentio was being his pain-in-the-butt self. “First aid kit? FEH with first-aid kits! Just smash one of Jareth's magic crystals over the abrasion and it'll be completely healed. Or else, you could use phoenix tears...”
 +
 
 +
“Mattie’s always used Potions on me,” Mikey said. “But I don't think those work on humans, so I'll shut up now.”
 +
 
 +
Mona came skating towards their table. “Okay you guys, I got you five First Aid Specials!” she declared.
 +
 
 +
“Thanks, Mona!” Maddie said. “Here is the First Aid special! You get a big slice of cheese pizza, a soda, and vanilla gelato! It will heal anything!” She divvied up the pizza meals to everyone at the table. Jess’s eyes sparkled with the excitement of a little kid in a candy store... or a pizza addict in a pizzeria. She went for the pizza first. It was gone in roughly 30 seconds. Next, she started on the gelato, which was exactly how Maddie had described it earlier. “Feeling any better?” Maddie asked. “It cures hungry stomachs, too!”
 +
 
 +
“I like gelato,” Zoot said.
 +
 
 +
“Yeah, I don't even notice the pain in my knee anymore,” Jess said happily, as she continued to display her potential at competitive eating.
 +
 
 +
Dimentio laughed. “Now you know how I feel when I'm drinkin'.”
 +
 
 +
“Dude, pizza’s different from alcohol,” Jess told him firmly. “It won’t kill ya in the long run.”
 +
 
 +
Mikey looked up. “Whuzzat?” he asked with his mouth full.
 +
 
 +
“Oh, it's nothing. Just complaining about Dimentio's problem.” They all laughed at Dimentio’s expense and continued eating.

Current revision as of 14:58, 24 August 2008

Contents

[edit] Prologe: Mr. Magorium Finds Two Girls

"Mahoney, are my Guests here..." "Of Course, Sir" two teenage girls walked into the emporium

[edit] Chapter 1: Two Girls pull the Strings

A dimensional portal opened in the middle of a dingy-looking theater. Two people exited the portal before it closed. One, the male, looked similar to a court jester, only his head wasn’t quite connected to his body and his hands weren’t attached to any arms. The other looked like a female human, only she had pink hair and yellow eyes. She dressed like a witch. “Okay, Dimentio,” the witch said. “Where do you think we are now?”

“How should I know, Luna?” the jester, presumably Dimentio, rebutted. “My warps have been messing up a lot lately. When they do work, I end up in some strange place that I really didn’t mean to arrive at...”

At that moment, a teenage boy rushed up to them. His skin was a golden color and he had glasses and no nose. He had red-orange hair that looked like it was made of yarn. “Hey there!” he greeted them cheerfully. “Welcome to the Muppet Cabaret! Can I get you two a seat? I see you've dressed for the occasion! Nice dress, madam.”

“Wha...?” Dimentio and Luna both looked down at their clothes to find they had changed. Dimentio was now wearing a jet-black tuxedo with faint purple and yellow trim. Luna’s witch outfit had transformed into a fancy navy blue dress with purple ribbons. “Oh, David,” she exclaimed, forgetting for a moment that Dimentio didn’t really like to be called by his real name anymore. “It's just like our prom, only with cute animals!”

Dimentio rolled his eyes. “So there were a bunch of crazed puppets at our prom?” he asked sarcastically. He had recognized where they were as soon as he saw that boy. They were in the Muppet universe, and the boy was Scooter, resident go-fer of the Muppet Show theater.

“Let me take you to your table,” Scooter said. He led them to a table for two, right next to the stage. “Enjoy! Best seats here.” With that, he left.

“Such wonderful service!” Luna exclaimed, a look of pure joy on her face.

Dimentio’s reaction, however, was slightly less enthusiastic. “Meh, you see one Henson universe, you've seen 'em all.” He leaned back to take a nap. “Wake me if you see Jareth...” he muttered.

At that moment, the host of the Muppet Show, Kermit the Frog, walked onstage. “Welcome to the Muppet Cabaret!” he greeted the audience. “Tonight's special guest, playing with The Electric Mayhem, is a musician that worked with Jim Henson himself! So, ladies and gentlemen, performing with the big band of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, give a big round of applause to David Bowie!” He left the stage, cheering and waving his arms in the air in his usual fashion.

Dimentio immediately woke up. “Bowie, really???” The curtains rose, revealing the in-house rock band and a certain British glam rock star wearing an outfit that harkened back to his days as Ziggy Stardust. “Yep, that’s him,” Dimentio said. “Go Bowie!”

Dr Teeth, the leader of the band, turned to the audience and shouted, “Yeah, this is Dr. Teeth, and we're gonna boogie!” With that, the band started playing and all of them, including David Bowie himself, started singing.

Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl

I could escape this feeling, with my china girl I feel a wreck without my, little china girl I hear her heart beating, loud as thunder Saw the stars crashing

I’m a mess without my, little china girl Wake up mornings where’s my, little china girl I hear hearts beating, loud as thunder I saw they stars crashing down

I stumble into town just like a sacred cow Visions of swastikas in my head Plans for everyone It’s in the white of my eyes

My little china girl You shouldn’t mess with me I’ll ruin everything you are I’ll give you television I’ll give you eyes of blue I’ll give you men who want to rule the world

And when I get excited My little china girl says Oh baby just you shut your mouth She says ... shhhh She says She says

Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl

The audience applauded. Dimentio stared in awe for a few seconds. “Don’t say anything. Luna,” he said.

“Why?” Luna asked.

“I need to relish in the fact that I just got to see Bowie perform live. Granted, it was with Muppets, but still...”

The amphibious MC came back onstage. “Now, we're going to try something special that we've never done before!” Kermit said animatedly to the audience. “We're going to pick two lucky audience members, and they shall perform with David Bowie himself! Let's see...” His Saturn-shaped eyes scanned the wide audience. “How about this lovely couple right next to the stage? The jester and the witch. If you two are interested, come on down!”

“OMIGOSH YES!!!” Dimentio practically leaped onto the stage. Thankfully, Luna walked onstage in a more civilized manner.

Kermit smiled as they arrived onstage. “Now, you two just pick any single song, and you shall perform it with him, while The Electric Mayhem backs you up,” he told them.

“Well, if Dimentio would just let go of David Bowie's leg...”

Dimentio had instantly clung to David Bowie’s left leg and absolutely refused to let go. This was probably not such a good experience for the British former glam rock star. “Um, we're experiencing technical difficulties,” Kermit told the audience. “We're going to take a short break, but we'll be right back!” He whispered aside to Rowlf the Dog. “We're going to need Dr. Bob!”

After the stage had been cleared, the next sketch(Veterinarian’s Hospital) began. “And now, Veterinarian’s Hospital, the continuing stooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs!” said the announcer as Rowlf walked on in green hospital scrubs.

“Like, Dr Bob! Your next patients are here!” Janice, also in hospital scrubs, told Rowlf.

“Patients?” Rowlf, as Dr Bob, asked. “Why more than one?”

Miss Piggy started to snicker under her breath. “They’re... um, conjoined, Dr Bob.” She lifted the operating table sheet, revealing Dimentio still clinging to David Bowie’s leg.

“SOMEONE GET THIS FREAK OFF MY LEG!!!” David Bowie shouted in an exasperated tone.

Meanwhile, in another dimension, Jess and Maddie were giggling about what they had just written. “That should so happen if they made a new Muppet Show!” snicker'd Maddie.

“Yeah! I can imagine,” said Jess. She started doing a mock-impression of Scooter. “David Bowie! 15 seconds to curtain, Mr Bowie! Can I get you anything, sir?” Then she started to impersonate David Bowie. “Yes, one thing,” she said as she mimicked pulling something out of a drawer. “Get me a restraining order!” She pitched her Bowie-impression up a bit, presumable trying to be Dimentio. “Oh, come on! All I wanted was an autograph... and maybe some of your hair...” This sent both girls into a fit of giggles. They soon got over their gigglefits and went back to writing.

Backstage, Kermit was still trying to separate the jester from the rocker. “Hey, can someone get a crowbar to pry that guy off of David?” he asked.

“No good,” Gonzo the Great told him. “I used all the crowbars in my last act.”

“I don’t wanna know...”

For no reason whatsoever, the two girls who had been writing this were also backstage. The blonde, Maddie, was laughing her head off about this whole thing. The brunette, Jess, tried thinking of a good way to get Dimentio off of David Bowie. Suddenly, she had an idea. “When in doubt, Shout it out!” she exclaimed. She bent down to Dimentio’s ear, which would’ve been near Bowie’s knee. “Dimentio... Dimentio... DIMENTIO!!! GET OFF OF DAVID BOWIE!!!”

At this, Dimentio promptly freed Bowie’s left leg. “S-sorry about that, David...” he told his idol. “I got a little excited...”

“A little?” Luna rolled her eyes.

“Okay, now you can do that number,” Jess said, smiling. Maddie giggled again.

“Okay, what song do you guys wanna do?” Kermit asked the Marioverse pair.

Immediately, Dimentio replied with “Dance Magic!” Luna just went along with it, as she didn’t know many Bowie songs herself.

“I can’t wait to see it!” Maddie exclaimed.

“Me either,” Jess said. “C'mon, let's go sit down and watch.”

They both made their way to the seats. Jess pulled some popcorn out of nowhere and the two artists munched on it while waiting for the number to start up.

[edit] Chapter 2: The Floro Sprout

Kermit half-ran out onstage to introduce the next number. “The Muppet Cabaret is proud to present, singing with David Bowie, Dimentio and Luna! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!” The curtains rose to reveal David Bowie in his outfit from Labyrinth, as well as Dimentio and Luna. They began to perform their song.

You remind me of the babe (What babe?) Babe with the power (What power?) Power of voodoo (Who do?) You do (Do what?) Remind me of the babe

I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry What could I do? My baby's love had gone and left my baby blue Nobody knew

What kind of magic spell to use Slime and snails or puppy dog tails Thunder or lightning Then baby said...... Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Put that baby spell on me Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Put that magic jump on me Slap that baby, make him free

I saw my baby, trying hard as babe could try What could I do? My baby's fun had gone and left my baby blue Nobody knew

What kind of magic spell to use Slime and snails or puppy dog's tails Thunder or lightning Then baby said....

Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Put that baby spell on me

Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Put that magic jump on me Slap that baby, make him free

Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Put that baby spell on me (ooh)

You remind me of the babe (What babe?) Babe with the power (What power?) Power of voodoo (Who do?) You do (Do what?) Remind me of the babe

Dance magic, dance, ooh ooh ooh Dance magic, dance magic, ooh ooh ooh Dance magic

What kind of magic spell to use Slime and snails Or puppy dog tails Thunder or lightning Something frightening

Dance magic, dance Dance magic, dance Put that baby spell on me

Jump magic, jump Jump magic, jump Put that magic jump on me Slap that baby make him free

Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump) Jump magic, jump Put that magic jump on me Slap that baby

Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic Slap that baby make him free Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance) Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)

The audience gave them a standing ovation. Jess even let loose a loud whistle. At that point, the show started coming to a close. “Well, that's the end of this truly special performance at the Muppet Cabaret,” Kermit announced, “but let's have a round of applause to David Bowie, Luna and Dimentio!” More applause came from the audience as Luna, Dimentio and David Bowie came back onstage.

“One more song, David~!” Dimentio exclaimed. He started singing Ziggy Stardust, but Kermit did his best to drown him out. “See you next week on the Muppet Show! Yaaaaaaay~!” The curtains fell as the band in the orchestra pit played the closing theme. Meanwhile, up in the balcony, the geriatric hecklers known as Statler and Waldorf put in their two cents worth.

“So Waldorf, do you believe in magic?”

“Sure! Every day I imagine that this theater disappears!”

“Do ho ho ho!”

At this point, Zoot, the resident saxophone player, would normally play the bum note. This time, however, he didn’t. Something was odd... He turned to the camera, a strange glint on his sunglasses. “Ah ha ha...” he muttered. “Ciao!” He snapped his fingers a la Dimentio and disappeared.

“What the--?! How did--?! Zoot... how did he dooooo thaaaaaat???” Jess exclaimed.

“ZOOT'S GONE MAD WITH POWER! HE'S GONNA EAT THE CHORT!!!!” Maddie shouted. Quickly, they somehow made their way through the fabric of the universe and caught up to where Zoot had gone, which just happened to be Jess’s bedroom. Maddie was still in a state of shock. “What happened to him?” she asked no one in particular. “I thought he was kind! I thought he was funny! I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MADDIE AND ZOOT FOREVER!” Her eyes started to fill with tears.

That’s when Jess noticed it: the way the light was refracting off of Zoot’s sunglasses made his eyes take on a somewhat emerald hue. “Wait a minute...” She slowly moved closer to the estranged musician and pulled his hat off. Planted on the top of his head was a small green stalk with two bright green leaves, which gave Zoot the appearance of a Pianta. It seemed to be radiating some sort of evil energy. “Here’s the problem,” Jess said, yanking the plant off his head. Zoot slowly turned back to his normal self.

“Huh...? What happened?”

”This plant happened.” Jess began spraying Weed-B-Gone on the plant, which is known as a Floro Sprout.

“Yay! Zoot’s back!” Maddie squealed and promptly tackle-hugged Zoot. I think it may have hurt him. “Thanks, Jess!”

“I can’t feel my parts...” Zoot murmured.

“How do you think Dimentio got the Floro Sprout on him in the first place?”

Jess chuckled. “Oh, he’s a sneaky little... whatever he is.” she replied.

Maddie stood up with a determined look on her face. “Okay, Dimmie! That's it!” she exclaimed. “You can beg for Bowie, sing with Bowie, but when you mess with either Jess, or my Muppet man, you have gone way too far! Come out so I can beat you senseless!”

“Yeah!” Jess shouted in agreement while holding up a colorful cereal box. “And these DimentiOs taste terrible, so I want a refund!”

“Yeah!” Zoot chimed in. “And butt’s twelve by pies!”

Maddie stared at him awkwardly. “Um... right. Just come here, jester-boy!”

“I think he’s hiding again...” Jess mused. She proceeded to look in a cardboard box and under the bed, overlooking the glowing lightning-bolt shape in midair.

“I think he's in that dimensional rift right in the middle of the air,” Maddie pointed out.

“Okay,” Jess said. “Lemme just go find Fleep, he may be sitting on that glorious porcelain bowl full of water again... You know what I mean, right?”

“I remember reading something about needing a toilet...” At this point, Jess started singing the song Fleep had been singing while in the outhouse on Planet Blobule in Super Paper Mario, which sent Maddie into another gigglefit. “We still need Fleep, though. I really want to get the whoopin' on Dimmie.”

“Okay.” Jess went down the hall towards the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Fleep, you in there?” she asked.

“Yeah!” Maddie called out. “We could really use some rift-flipping powers!”

“I’m-a busy, amore!” an Italian accent called back. Then it started mumbling to itself. “Darn it-a... Why-a do these eediots keep-a the toilet paper up-a so high where I cannot reach-a?!!”

Maddie was sent into another gigglefit, while Zoot didn’t get it at all. “What's funny about toilets?” he asked. “Why are toilets so funny? Jess, explain to me why toilets are funny.” All Jess did was shrug her shoulders. Apparently she didn’t know, either. Inside the bathroom, there were sounds of wood striking wood repeatedly, probably signifying that Fleep was trying the use-the-plunger-to-knock-a-roll-of-toilet-paper-down trick. “Fleep, you almost done? We really need you!” Maddie called again.

There was the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink running water. After a few seconds, the door opened and some sort of rectangle-shaped creature with wings and a tail fluttered out. “Okay, I'm-a done-a!” it said. Apparently, this was Fleep.

“Great!” Maddie exclaimed. “Now we can beat the ever-loving snot out of jester-boy!”

“And I can learn to tie my shoes,” Zoot said, sending Jess into a gigglefit.

[edit] Chapter 3: "Go Cards!!!"

“Okay!” Maddie exclaimed. “Let's kick some Bowie-obsessor's bootie!”

“Fleep...” Jess addressed the Pixl hovering beside her. “Do your stuff!”

“Okie-dokie!” Fleep fluttered up to the dimensional rift and flipped it around. Behind it was... a blue block. “Crap!” Jess shouted. “It’s his "magical game of tag" block! Oh well.” She hit the block with her fist. As soon as she did, they were all sent soaring through the fabric of the universe. Zoot squealed something about being a birdie. “Okay...” Jess muttered, surveying their new surroundings. “We are in...” Just then, music began to play. It sounded very familiar to Jess for some reason. She thought on it... it was the GRC Cardinals’ fight song! “My school’s football field??? Oh yeah, there was a game toni—” She didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence, as she was tackled by a Cardinals linebacker. After Jess had been tackled, she noticed something purple and yellow moving towards the GRC band. “Look, there he goes!” she cried. “GET HIM!!!” Jess was then trompled on by the Cardinals quarterback.

Maddie rushed to her friend’s side. “You okay?” she asked. She looked around. “I think Zoot needs to be trampled by one of them. He's sorta acting crazier than normal.”

“Yeah, he’s streakin’.” It was true. Zoot was running around the football field with no clothes on. Thankfully, for the sake of the audience, I won’t go into detail.

“Please, someone stop him!” Maddie cried, covering her eyes. “I can handle Zoot in swimming trunks, but this is insane!”

“Okay,” Jess said. She called to the person in the Cardinal mascot costume. “You! Cardinal mascot guy!”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” She directed the mascot’s attention to Zoot. “Get some pants on that guy.”

“Sure thing.” The mascot hurriedly grabbed a pair of Cardinal basketball shorts that were lying around and stuffed Zoot into them. Crisis averted!

Maddie sighed in relief. “Zoot, what do you have to say for yourself?” she asked him. He said nothing at first. Then, he began to sing a little ditty for no reason whatsoever.

“I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!”

“Right...”

“Okay,” Jess said proudly. “Now let's go get Dime-- wait...” She turned around to see that the jester was no longer there. “WHERE THE CRAP DID HE GO?!!?!??”

Maddie pointed to the bandstands. “Is that him? The one pestering that band to play a David Bowie song?” she asked.

Jess looked over, seeing an albino boy wearing a purple-n-black hoodie. “You mean that albino kid? No, that's Damion Nalburn, from coolPARODIES,” she told her friend. “Just as Bowie-obsessed, though usually hides it when Maya's around... otherwise she'll go MURDOIR ON YOH BOOTAY.” At this, a spiky-haired young boy with a ghost floating above him stared at Jess in shock. “Yoh, get back in your own universe!” He disappeared, along with his supernatural companion. “Ah, that brought back sweet memories of the good ol' days when 4Kids TV was still FoxBox... SHAMAN KING w00t.”

“I see,” Maddie replied. She looked around. “We still need to find Dimmie, though. I don't want to think of what danger he could cause...”

Jess’s eyes quickly scanned the field. Dimentio wasn’t in the stands... or near the locker rooms... Eventually, she caught sight of a purple-n-yellow floaty thing hovering over the Tates Creek quarterback. “There he is! Hovering over the Tates Creek quarterback...”

“What is he doing that for?” Maddie asked.

As Dimentio began charging up a magical starburst, Jess saw what was going on. He shot the starburst at the Tates Creek quarterback, making him dizzy for several seconds. The Cardinal players took advantage of this moment and seized victory. The GRC students and faculty all cheered, the Tates Creek students and faculty either cried or sweared, but only two girls at the edge of the field saw the Bowie-obsessed jester doing a jig in midair. Methinks he rigged the game because he had money riding on this one, but I can’t prove that just yet.

“Congrats on the win!” Maddie cheered. “But I'm still not happy about Dimmie and a certain Muppet love of mine.” She looked around again. “Speaking of that, where is Zoot?” The blue Muppet saxophonist had disappeared.

“Crap!” Jess shouted. “He’s gone!”

Maddie stomped her foot on the ground. “Dangit!” she cried out. “We gotta get that jester! And we can do that with cool, cool glasses!” She pulled a pair of orange-tinted sunglasses from her pocket and put them on. Jess giggled, then took out some silver sunglasses that looked like window blinds and put them on. The theme of Dangeresque 2: This Time It’s Not Dangeresque 1 was playing in the background, though this author hears Fooling Yourself(The Angry Young Man) by Styx.

“Okay, now where’s Dimentio...?” Jess muttered.

“Hmm, maybe he's the one trying to talk to that life-size poster of David Bowie.” Maddie pointed out a man dressed in purple and yellow trying to hold a conversation with a life-size image from the movie Labyrinth. He was holding a bottle of some kind.

“Oh yeah,” Jess snickered. “He’s drunk again.” They both laughed.

“The question is...” Maddie thought aloud. “...who gave it to him this time?” Jess just shrugged. “Well, anyways, since he's too drunk to notice us, let's catch him.” They both reached for two conveniently placed butterfly nets and slowly closed in on their “prey”.

“One... two... three... GET HIM!”

“Yah!”

In an instant, they both lowered their nets on Dimentio. He was slow to notice them, due to his intoxication, but he screamed when the nets came down. “The Spiders from Mars!!!” he shrieked. “They've turned on me for bothering their master Bowiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!”

“Come on Dimmie,” Maddie told him with an angry look in her eyes. “I'd like to introduce you to my friends Jacoby and Meyers.” She held up a fist with each name.

“No thanks, I’ve already met them,” Dimentio replied in slurred speech.

“Well, have you met my other friends, Ira and Glass?”

“Ira... Glass... Hourglass!” The drunken jester laughed at the joke only he seemed to get, then passed out.

“Okay...” Maddie gazed at the other end of the football field. “Zoot!” she cried. “Where are you?” The question was soon answered, as Zoot was standing a few feet away from them, staring at his shoeless feet.

“So many colors!”

“Zoot, you’re staring at your shoeless feet.” Maddie turned to Jess, but she saw something was wrong with her friend. Her normally gray eyes had a greenish tint to them, and her face held no discernable expression. “Hail Dimentio!” she suddenly shouted. “He is totally coolies.”

“Okay...”

“Will you hail Dimentio, too?”

“I dunno...”

Suddenly, the silhouetted shape of a lady pig leaped toward the group and karate chopped Jess’s head with a hearty “HIYA!!”. “Aah! What the—” A small green plant identical to the one that had overtaken Zoot’s mind fell out of Jess’s mess of brown hair. “Wh... what happened?” Jess asked in a daze.

“Phew!” a female voice said. “I'm glad to see that horrible Bowie-obsessed jester doesn't have control over vous anymore, sweetie!” The voice happened to belong to none other than Miss Piggy, a lady pig with the tenacity so common in love struck females.

“Miss Piggy...?” Jess mumbled. “Why'd you hit me in the head?”

Miss Piggy smiled. “Oh, it's quite simple, darling,” she told her. “First off, moi did not want you to be spirited away against your will by some nincompoop who's obsessed with a singer who went out of style at least a decade ago—”

“Hey... I heard... heard that... p... pork queen!” Dimentio muttered before passing out again.

“OH PUT A SOCK IN IT BEFORE I SOCK IT TO YA!” the pig shouted. “Now where was I? Oh yes! Secondly, if you're canned...” Miss Piggy elbowed Jess in a “hint-hint” sort of way. “Who's gonna write/draw Club Henson and give us Muppets our well-earned publicity back?”

“Oh yeah...” A painful twinge went through Jess’s head. “Oh geez, my head hurts...”

Miss Piggy picked up the Floro Sprout. “Well, I would expect so when there's a mind controlling tree-thing growing out of it.” She through the Sprout onto a barbeque that some immature freshmen had started.

“Yay! You’re okay!” Maddie exclaimed. “Zoot's happy too, right, Zoot? Zoot?”

Zoot was busy watching a slug crawl up his arm. “Slimy,” he said to himself. “I wonder what the slime tastes like...”

“Zoot! Don’t!” Maddie shouted. Jess acted quick and picked the slug off of Zoot, setting it free near a nice little dandelion. “Phew... now, how do we get out of here?”

“Easy,” Jess said. “We make Dimentio warp us out.” She turned to the intoxicated jester. “Dimentio, warp us out.”

“I... I don't th-think you... wanna do thaaat...” Dimentio said.

“Why not?”

“Ah ha ha ha... I'm DRUNK! Drunk drunk drunk... and confused... and... who spiked the punch booooooowwwl~?” He passed out for a third time.

“Great,” Jess moaned. “Just flippin' great. Ah well. Let's just leave him here. We'll let the hangover overtake him in the morning.” They stepped over the inebriated pile of Bowie obsession and made their way out of the football field.

[edit] Chapter 4: The Hangover

When we last left our “heroes”, they had just witnessed the GRC Cardinals make an impressive football victory against Tates Creek, with just a little help from Dimentio the Bowie-obsessed jester. Afterwards, he got drunk and made a complete fool of himself. Jess and Maddie were exiting the football field when Maddie got a bright idea. “We could always call Dribble and Spitz with their taxi cab,” she said.

“Yeah...” Jess said, snickering. “But they'll dribble and spit on us.” She laughed at her joke, but quickly noticed she was the only one laughing. “Okay, not funny...”

“No they won’t,” Maddie replied. “They'll probably argue about who would win in a battle: King Kong or Godzilla. Or comment how the new Pokemon look more like Digimon. Or something around those lines.”

“Oh, okay then.”

Maddie pulled out a cellphone and called Dribble and Spitz. “Now we just have to wait,” she told Jess. “Don't worry about them seeing Dimentio. They've unwillingly picked up an alien and mermaid before.” She winked.

Jess nodded. “Okay,” she replied. “But just to be silly...” Jess quickly jammed a bright orange wig on Dimentio and slapped the back of his head(for no reason). “Mrs Jones needs a ride, tooooo~!”

At that moment, a typical yellow taxi pulled into the school parking lot, stopping in front of the building. Inside the cab was an oversized orange bulldog and a small yellow cat. The yellow cat, Spitz, told them, “Climb in da back. We gots some room.”

“Okay,” Jess said happily. She turned to Dimentio. “C'mon... Mrs Jones. Time to take you back home.”

“...snort...move the stars for no one...”

“Don't mind her,” Jess told the cabbies. “She's my elderly neighbor who has a skin condition where her face is black and white.” She hid her snicker in a cough. “Yeah, she's been out at a party and I had to bring her home.”

“Right,” the dog(Dribble) replied. After they had all piled in, he shifted the cab’s gear and exclaimed, “'Kay, let's hit the road!”

“Whee!” Zoot cried. “Road trip!”

Spitz looked back at Zoot with a strange expression on his face. “What's his problem?” he asked. “And why is he only wearing shorts?”

“Long story,” Maddie told him.

“Yeah, and even longer when we tell it,” Jess agreed. Dimentio mumbled something about not being Flavio’s son, whatever that meant. “Oh, be quiet, Dime-- I mean, Mrs Jones.”

“Whatever.” Spitz turned back around.

“I think they’re buying it!” Jess whispered to Maddie. She turned to the cabbies and told them her address. “We’re on it!” exclaimed Dribble. He hit the gas and they sped out of the parking lot and onto the main road. It’s a good thing this is only a story, otherwise people coulda been hurt from that. Jess, Maddie and Zoot squealed with delight at the high speeds the cab was reaching. Dimentio was acting like an idiot due to his drunken state, so Jess hit him. “Sorry about her,” she told Dribble and Spitz. “She hasn't had her evening meds yet, she's a little... crazy.”

Turns out the cabbies weren’t even paying attention to her. “You know, I can do a pretty good impression of Wobbuffet,” Spitz said proudly. He scrunched his eyes up more than they already were and held his arm near his head in a saluting manner. “WOOOOOOBUUUU—”

“The visuals are funny enough, thank you,” Dribble told him, slightly annoyed. Jess was giggling in the back. Suddenly, the engine began to sputter. The speeding cab was slowing down greatly, soon coming to a complete stop. “Okay, we got a problem,” Dribble muttered.

“What’s wrong?” asked Jess.

“Not sure,” Dribble replied. “Let me see.” He got out of the cab and opened the hood. At first, there was just a lot of black smoke, then he found what had crapped up the cab. “Well, I found the problem. Looks like somebody tried to cram-a-lam some Swiss Cake Rolls into the battery.”

“Wasn’t me,” Dimentio immediately said. “I hate those things. HATE ‘EM!” Jess proceeded to hit him again.

“We can't go anywhere without the battery,” Spitz grumbled. “Hey! We could use some help over here! Don't try to back off, jester!”

Dimentio jolted, causing the wig on his head to fall off. “He knows!!” he gasped.

“Meh, the disguise was just my Beaker wig, anyway,” Jess laughed. She turned to the cabbies. “Okay, I know squat about mechanics, but I'll try to help out.”

“My only question is how the Swiss Cake Rolls got in here,” Dribble mused.

Spitz glared at Zoot. “Maybe the blue dude with just shorts knows,” he said. Jess nodded, since Zoot’s face was covered in chocolate in frosting, which looked suspicious.

“Zoot?” Maddie asked him. “Do you know how these Swiss Cake Rolls got into the battery of the cab?”

“Um... no.”

“Okay then,” Jess said. “What are you eating?”

“Um, nothing.”

Maddie shook her head in slight disbelief. “Okay, then why do you have chocolate and frosting all over your mouth, and holding a Swiss Cake Roll wrapper?”

“Um, I found the wrapper, and I'm eating a cupcake?”

“Uh-huh. Right. I think we found our culprit.”

Jess started laughing. “Zoot, you are soooo busted,” she told him. He didn’t hear her, though, since he was chasing after a butterfly. Spitz also saw the butterfly and, being a cat, he chased after it as well. Jess also chased after it, but with a camera so she could get its picture.

“Spitz!” Dribble called out. “Come back! I need help with the taxi! I almost got it fixed!” Jess dragged Zoot and Spitz back to the taxi and they all got in. “Okay! Let’s hit the road again!” He put the pedal to the metal and off like a rocket they went.

“I like butterflies,” said Zoot.

“I like buttered toast,” Spitz replied.

“Buttered toast? I don’t get that.”

“Well, maybe you should of ordered some!”

“Y’know what they say,” Dimentio hiccupped. “All toasters toast toast!” Jess almost vomited from the presence of a running gag found in YouTube Poop. Zoot started to sing a little song.

Everybody knows it Everybody knows it's true. Oh yeah. And work out twice a day. Don't ask me why I said it, 'Cause I already forgot. I ALREADY FORGOT! I ALREADY FORGOT! I can't remember yesterday, I only remember Steve! I can't remember Steve now!

He mostly just got weird looks, though Jess laughed. “Who’s Steve?” Dribble asked Spitz, though his feline friend had no idea who the heck Steve was. Jess had been staring out the window for the past few minutes, trying to catch a glimpse of her house. Soon, she caught sight of the trashy house beside it. “Okay, my house is coming up... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here!”

Dribble stopped the cab right in front of Jess’s house. “Here we are!” he said.

“Great!” Jess exclaimed. She kicked Dimentio out of the cab before getting out herself. “Thanks, you guys!”

“See ya!”

“Bye-di-bye!” They all waved(except for Dimentio) as Dribble and Spitz drove off. Suddenly, Jess realized something. “Oh, crap,” she moaned. “I forgot to pay the fare.” She shrugged. “Oh well. If they're dumb enough not to realize that, then poop on them.”

“They do it all the time!” Maddie exclaimed. “They've done it with an alien and a mermaid!”

Jess laughed. She pulled a rainbow-colored key from her pocket and unlocked the front door. “Dimentio, get in there,” she said after she opened the door, kicking the jester inside. His eyes spun in their sockets.

“Why for must you be so violet???” he cried.

“Purple,” Jess replied firmly. “There is no violet. And I think the term you're looking for in this situation would be "violent". With a N.” It was Maddie’s turn to laugh. “Okay, so... what do we do now?” Jess asked her friend.

“Well, for one thing, we should get Zoot some decent clothes,” Maddie replied. “I don't think he should be just in basketball shorts.”

“Okay,” Jess said. “I don't think I still have clothes that would fit him, but I'll see what I can do.” She rummaged through her dresser drawers until she found a pair of orange plaid shorts and an old Stinkoman T-shirt. “I think these’ll work!” she exclaimed, giving the old clothes to Zoot.

“Okay, Zoot, just go in the bathroom and change into those,” Maddie said. Zoot went into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Yeah, and watch out for the man-eating toilet!” Jess called to him. She looked over at Maddie, who had somewhat of a frightened expression on her face. “Don’t worry, it only eats you if you don't flush it all down.”

“Oh... I don't think Zoot wanted to go to the bathroom.”

“I know.” Jess laughed, then looked over at Dimentio. “Oh look, Dimentio's doing a musical number on my bed,” she said. Then she realized what she had just said. “DIMENTIO, GET OFA MY BED!!!” Dimentio was doing the YMCA dance, accompanied by the song.

“I got him,” Maddie said. She pulled a heavy bowling ball out of nowhere and threw it at Dimentio, knocking him to the ground. Zoot, now fully dressed, came back in the room to see Dimentio on the floor. “What’d I miss?” he asked.

“You missed the Dimentio drunk dance,” Jess told him. She looked over at the unconscious jester. “Hmm, bowling ball... why didn’t I think of that?”

“Since when does Dimentio get drunk?”

“Um...I think you just need to take it easy.”

“Why do pies fly?”

Jess pondered the question for a bit. “From what I’ve heard,” she started to say, but paused to think it over. When she thought about it, she continued, “Dimentio gets drunk every so often ever since a certain ruler of a certain Labyrinth introduced him to the concept of alcohol. It all went downhill from that point on.” As Zoot was feeling elated to know why his fellow Bowie fan had gotten drunk, Jess looked over at Dimentio, who hadn’t popped back up laughing in the face of defeat like usual. “Hey, did you kill him with that bowling ball or what?”

“No, he’s just asleep,” Maddie explained. “Listen.” Sure enough, Dimentio was sawing the proverbial log. Jess sighed in relief. “So... now what?” Maddie asked. “'Cause we're not in the taxi, and Dribble and Spitz are probably back in Diamond City right now.”

Jess thought for a bit. “Hmm... we can always play with the guinea pig,” she said. As soon as she said that, Fluffernut, Jess’s guinea pig, started squeaking for carrots and hay and other wonderful things.

“Yay!” Maddie cried in excitement. “Zoot! Dimmie! Come and see Fluffernut!”

“No, don’t wake Dimentio yet,” Jess whispered. “I got a surprise for him.” She quietly seized Fluffernut from her cage and moved towards the sleeping jester. “I'm gonna put her on his face~!” They stifled their giggles as Jess lowered Fluffernut’s hindquarters onto Dimentio’s face. At that point, however, Dimentio woke up. “GAAH! There’s a RAT BUTT in my face!!!” he screamed.

“Guinea butt, actually.”

“Aah, gaah! Get it off!” Dimentio flailed about, causing Fluffernut to roll off his face and harmlessly onto the floor. Everyone else laughed themselves silly. “It’s not funny.”

“Well, looks like he's sobering up now,” Jess observed. “Cue hangover... NOW!” Precisely on cue, Dimentio clutched his forehead in severe agony and started moaning about how much his head hurt. Hey, that’s what alcohol does to you! As Maddie was trying to keep her gigglefit under control, Jess thought the situation over a bit. “Hmm... do you think we've been to mean to him?” she asked no one in particular. “Think we should be a little nicer to our resident Bowie fan?”

“I think so.”

“I wasn’t asking you.”

“Well, we have been sorta mean to him,” Maddie concurred. “Too bad Dribble and Spitz couldn't be here. Maybe all Dimmie needs is a day or two in Diamond City.”

Jess looked a bit embarrassed for some reason. “I really haven't played the WarioWare games to know that much about Diamond City,” she uttered. “What’s it like?”

“Here’s a description for you,” Maddie said. She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and read what was on it. “Glorious Diamond City. A clean, calm place, despite the drugs and filth littering the streets. Full of kind people, except for the regulars, who might randomly pull a switchblade on someone. You get the idea. Plus, you gotta see how weird some of the citizens are. Besides Dribble, Spitz, and Wario, there's a witch in training, an alien, and two Nintendo fanboys. And that's just some of them.”

“Oh my,” Jess said, at somewhat of a loss for words. “Sounds like a... great place...”

Dimentio, however, jumped at the chance. “Okay, let's go!” he exclaimed. “After my migraine's over... augh, my head...”

“Well, you shouldn’t drink so much.”

After a little while, Maddie managed to find some Tylenol to take care of Dimentio’s migraine. He gulped down the whole bottle, which is not something I would recommend to anyone. “I feel a little better already,” he said, smiling a little.

“You think you're feeling good enough to go to Diamond City?” asked Maddie.

“Yeah, guess so,” he replied, grinning broadly this time.

“Okay,” Jess shouted. “Let’s go!”

“Wew hew!”

“That’s my line...”

Dimentio began to work his magic and soon all four of them were sent sailing through the fabric of the universe, on their way to the city of WarioWare fame.

[edit] Chapter 5: Welcome to Diamond City

The unlikely foursome arrived in Diamond City as soon as you could say “How ‘bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?”. Maddie glanced over at Dimentio and noticed there was something like a fuzzball on his hat. “Hey, Dimmie, what's that fuzzball on your hat?” she asked.

“What fuzzball?”

Jess noticed it too, but she knew immediately what it was. “Oh, that’s no fuzzball,” she said slyly. “That’s shed.”

“Shed???” Dimentio shouted. “From that rodent?!!?!?!?!!!”

“No, from the Killer Rabbit.”

Maddie laughed again. “Well, here we are at Diamond City,” she told the others. “Let me give you the grand tour. I love coming here. We could stay in the hotel, if you want to.”

“Okay.”

They made their way through the city until they came upon two tall buildings, one of which had a big “W” sign on it. “There it is, right next to the building with the big W on it. That's where WarioWare Inc. is,” Maddie told them. She walked towards the hotel, with Zoot following. “Let’s go!”

“Okay,” Jess said. She started to follow them. “Come on, Dimentio!”

“I’m taking a leak!” Dimentio was holding a bottle of tropical citrus vitaminwater that had been improperly sealed, and it was spewing.

“Oh, just come on!” Jess shouted.

“Hold on!” Dimentio was using the vitaminwater spew to write his name in a pile of ash... or something like that. “Done!” He flew off to join the rest at the hotel.

Inside the hotel, Maddie rang the service bell at the front desk. “Anyone here?” she called out and rang the bell again. Soon, a lovely redheaded concierge with sapphire eyes came to the front desk. “Hi, Maddie!” she greeted happily.

“Mona!” Maddie was very happy to see her friend. “Wait... another job?”

“Yeah,” replied Mona. “I guess working for Wario, playing in the band and making pizza just isn’t rolling in the coins. So, how can I help you?” She then noticed Dimentio. “You know what, you sorta look familiar...” she told him.

“Really?” Dimentio pondered for a minute. “You don't look familiar to me... Maybe we knew each other once and I forgot.”

“Ah, well, that happens.”

“Maybe,” Mona murmured. “My boyfriend keeps on telling me about another plumber. Maybe that's how I know you.”

“Oh... really?” Dimentio’s brain was working faster than Sonic the Hedgehog’s feet. Plumber... plumber... he thought. If my memory serves me right, she's either talking about the hero or the green one... either way, I'm in deep, dark doodie now!

At that point, a Wartortle wearing an orange headband walked into the building. “Hey, Jess,” the Wartortle asked. “Where’s Mattie?” It took Jess a while to understand who the Wartortle was talking about.

“How should I know, Mikey?” she finally replied.

“Well, since you're the author of our story,” Mikey rambled on and on.

“Hey, I don't keep track of where my characters roam when I'm not controlling their actions,” Jess told him firmly.

“Oh, okay,” Mikey said. “I'll just stick with you until I find her!” He received a big black hand outlined in white in his face.

“Sorry, Koopa rip-off,” Dimentio said slyly. “The position of annoying video game character that follows Jess everywhere has already been taken.”

“Hey, I've been around longer than you, floaty boy!” Mikey shouted. “Wanna make something out of it?!”

Uh oh... better break these two up before it gets violent... Jess stepped in between Dimentio and Mikey in an attempt to make some peace. “Uh, hey guys, let's not fight. Let's talk this through calm—” She got hit in the face by a Water Gun assault. As they fought, Mona ran out of the hotel to try and get help from the Diamond City citizens. “I hate to summon the big guns,” Jess muttered. Then she yelled at the top of her lungs, “DAVID BOWIE AND MICK JAGGER TOLD ME TO TELL YOU BOTH TO STOP FIGHTING!!!” That got their attention.

“David told you... personally???”

“Well, if Mr Jagger says so...” Mikey held out his hand to shake with Dimentio. “Truce?” he asked.

“Temporary,” Dimentio replied, and shook Mikey’s hand.

“Ah, men and their music,” Jess said blissfully.

Mona reappeared in the hotel with some of the citizens. “Okay,” she said to the jester and the Wartortle. “Don’t harm each other any more!”

“Don't worry, I don't think they will,” Jess said. “The masters of rock 'n roll have commanded it~!”

“Oh. Okay,” Mona sighed in relief. “Well, why don't I get you that room?”

“Okay!”

Mona fished around in a desk drawer and pulled out an old-fashioned key. “Here's your room key,” she said. “It's on the second floor. The elevator's just right there. Enjoy your stay in Diamond Hotels!”

Jess took the key and looked at it for a bit. Then she held it up in the air triumphantly. You got the Hotel Key! Opens a room in Diamond Hotel. Jess soon noticed everyone staring at her. “Sorry,” she said. “Had a Paper Mario moment.”

“I have those all the time,” Dimentio replied.

“I mostly just have strange dreams where I'm this 16-year-old human boy with blue hair whose mom and dad are humans half-bred with Pokemon so I'm part Wartortle instead of fully Wartortle like usual...” It was Mikey’s turn to have everyone stare at him now. “What?”

“Okay, now that we know which hotel room is ours, how about that tour?” Maddie asked. Everyone agreed. So Maddie led the way to WarioWare Inc, with Jess(dragging Mikey and Dimentio) and Zoot following close behind. “Wario!” Maddie called out once they were inside. “Hey, Wario! I want you to meet some people! Well more like a person, jester, puppet, and turtle...”

Even though Jess had never been to Diamond City, she had enough experience with Wario on the Mario Kart circuits to know that he was, for lack of a better word, unhygienic. “Dimentio,” she whispered to the jester. “If I get overwhelmed by stench, spray the stuff on the signal.”

“Okay, but what's the signal?”

“You'll know it when you hear it.”

“Okay.”

At that moment, a lumbering mass of pure fat and avarice with a mustache lumbered toward them. This, my friends, was Wario. “What’s the big idea?!” Wario bellowed. “You could have knocked!” Stench rating so far: 2.

“I like pie,” said Zoot.

Wario’s eyes clenched in anger. “And you HAD to bring him along!”

“Oh my,” Jess moaned. “What now?”

“Zoot, I thought I said you were officially banned from here!” Wario shouted at Zoot.

“When did you say that?” Zoot asked.

“You know, I said that, you were in scuba gear, and then you pulled of your head and you were Orbulon, and—” Wario made a disgusted face.

“When did this happen?” Jess asked. Uh oh, I sense a disturbance in the Force... Stench meter: 5.5.

Maddie shook her head. “I think you were just dreaming,” she told Wario.

“No I wasn’t!” Wario exclaimed. “I was eating raw hotdogs.” Seeing the disgusted look on Jess’s face, he shouted, “Hey! You just can't respect good taste!”

“Um, I think we can,” Maddie said. She pretended to look at her watch. “Oh, look at the time. We gotta get going! Just back away slowly...”

“Okay,” Jess said, smiling slyly. “But first, I've just gotta say that I'm feeling a bit... DEMENTED!” Apparently that was the signal, for Dimentio then sprayed Demented(his own line of perfume) in Wario’s face. Then they all left WarioWare Inc. So began their whirlwind tour of Diamond City. Sometime later, Zoot’s stomach started to rumble.

“Zoot’s getting hungry,” Maddie observed. “We should stop for some food here.”

Jess nodded. “Okay. I’m kinda hungry, too.”

“I know the perfect place!” Maddie exclaimed. “Mona Pizza! Let’s go!” She let the group to Mona Pizza, the local pizzeria. Jess jumped for joy(and not her mom) because it was well known that she was a pizza addict. “They have tons of pizzas,” Maddie explained to the group. “But I still like the gelato best.”

“What’s gelato?” Jess asked. As they were walking, something happened. The earth must have shifted somehow, causing Jess to fall to the hard concrete, scraping her knee. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!” she cried.

“You okay?!” Maddie rushed to her friend’s side. “Here, I’ll get you some gelato,” she said as she helped Jess up. “It's like ice cream, but with no cream. It's just frozen milk, sugar, and flavors. It's a whole lot creamier than ice cream.” She helped Jess walk to Mona Pizza, while Dimentio muttered something along the lines of “wimp”.

“That killed my knee!” Jess wailed. “I hope Mona Pizza also has a first aid kit...”

“I know the perfect first aid kit,” Maddie said. She winked. They entered Mona Pizza, where the redhead concierge from the Hotel skated up to them. “Hey, girls!” Mona greeted them. “Can I help you?”

“Yep, we need a ‘first aid kit’,” Maddie said.

“Sure thing!” Mona replied, smiling. “Just get a table, and I'll be right there.”

Maddie helped Jess to a table, where she sat down to rest her injured knee. “Don’t worry,” Maddie told Jess. “This will help you really good.”

Jess started to get a little suspicious. “What is it?” she asked.

Meanwhile, Dimentio was being his pain-in-the-butt self. “First aid kit? FEH with first-aid kits! Just smash one of Jareth's magic crystals over the abrasion and it'll be completely healed. Or else, you could use phoenix tears...”

“Mattie’s always used Potions on me,” Mikey said. “But I don't think those work on humans, so I'll shut up now.”

Mona came skating towards their table. “Okay you guys, I got you five First Aid Specials!” she declared.

“Thanks, Mona!” Maddie said. “Here is the First Aid special! You get a big slice of cheese pizza, a soda, and vanilla gelato! It will heal anything!” She divvied up the pizza meals to everyone at the table. Jess’s eyes sparkled with the excitement of a little kid in a candy store... or a pizza addict in a pizzeria. She went for the pizza first. It was gone in roughly 30 seconds. Next, she started on the gelato, which was exactly how Maddie had described it earlier. “Feeling any better?” Maddie asked. “It cures hungry stomachs, too!”

“I like gelato,” Zoot said.

“Yeah, I don't even notice the pain in my knee anymore,” Jess said happily, as she continued to display her potential at competitive eating.

Dimentio laughed. “Now you know how I feel when I'm drinkin'.”

“Dude, pizza’s different from alcohol,” Jess told him firmly. “It won’t kill ya in the long run.”

Mikey looked up. “Whuzzat?” he asked with his mouth full.

“Oh, it's nothing. Just complaining about Dimentio's problem.” They all laughed at Dimentio’s expense and continued eating.

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