The "Hebe down the Hill" Incident
From The Extended Group
The "Hebe down the Hill" Incident refers to a hangout between Asher and Kevin in 1994 that went notoriously wrong, resulting in the former's injury at the hands of Kevin's siblings. The naming of the event, which seems to suggests a comical twist on an act of anti-semitism, was actually thought up in contemporary times by external parties. (see The Extended Group Construction of Race)
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Overview
By third grade, Asher and Kevin continued to retain the friendship they ignited in Ms. Buren's first grade class at Highland Terrace. Typical hangouts would involve visiting eachother's respective houses, usually on Friday afternoons. After visiting Asher's houses a couple times, Kevin decided to return the favor by inviting Asher to his domicile (located on the corner of Fremont and N. 182nd St.). The two started the day's activities by playing "Wrestlemania" for the SNES, with tentative plans to search for salamanders in the private greenbelt encompassing parts of Kevin's backyard. After some time, Asher looked to take a bathroom break as Kevin sent him to the nearest toilet down the hall. Having inspected for a few scant seconds, Asher returned, catching Kevin's mom and politely asking if there were any other bathrooms in the house, uttering in the process the now famous line that the "bathroom (was) too dirty". Said in earshot of Kevin and now, Kevin's brother who had recently taken over video game privileges, the latter immediately left in disgust to find the two's sister. Asher ultimately was able to relieve himself upon entering Kevin's parents' bathroom.
The Attack
With Kevin out of sight, his brother and sister converged upon Asher as he exited the bathroom, clutching him by the arm and leading him out the backdoor. Kevin briefly looked for Asher in various bedrooms before catching a glimpse through a sliding glass door of the flustered young man being shoved against an outdoor fence. Both four and six years his elder, respectively, the two towered over the miniscule Asher, never giving him a chance to answer for his alleged crimes. Kevin's attempts to intervene in the desperate situation were hopeless, too, since the two had the physical advantage over him as well. At this point it was clear that Asher's fate was sealed, and he was quickly ushered into the woods to face his punishment. Kevin followed, peering behind a tree as the events unfolded. Asher stood atop a menacing bank near a neighbors house, surrounded by ivy patches and a trail breaking the course of a steeper hill which continued down to a cement staircase several hundred meters near the bottom of "Happy Valley". Kevin's sister then, without remorse, shoved the eight year old down the bank, whereupon Asher tumbled into a patch of ivy. After Kevin's sister left, his brother soon took over the next shift, meeting Asher at the top of the bank as he scrambled back up. The next fall was slightly longer, but again Asher was able to regain his footing and continue back up to face the next shove in his seemingly Sisyphean punishment. As another push was about to be made, Kevin rushed to the scene, where his brother ceased the execution in a show of sympathy. Traversing the hillside, Kevin reached out a hand to the defeated Asher, who appeared to have a smile on his face. Without any visible signs of distress, the dirtied Asher immediately asked to be taken home, which was promptly delivered.
Aftermath
Reviews of the assault are varied. Unquestionably, Asher retained a degree of distrust towards Kevin's siblings and perhaps Kevin hangouts in general for some months following the incident. However, post-HDTH hangouts at Kevin's then house are clearly remembered, such as that involving the "Pittsburgh Penguin". As the narrative entered Group Folklore in the XG era, conflicting accounts emerged. Asher's account emphasizes a state of terror that ended in outward displays of anguish, including the shedding of tears, while Kevin's version speaks of an unexpectedly stoic victim. Also, it wasn't until the Summer of 2006 that Asher's polemic on the deVoss bathroom was revealed. While some have made cries of "revisionism", Kevin defended the claim with the rationale that such a revelation might deemphasize Asher's clear innocence in the situation. On the contrary, most agree that this recent anecdote has only made the story more hilarious, with the detached audience recognizing Asher as having "had it coming".
Parodies
- The incident was lampooned in a Song Parody by Kevin and Brett to the tune of the Beatles' "Fool on the Hill"
- In a play off of Sacha Baron Cohen's famous Borat character's song "Throw the Jew Down the Well", Kevin once sang "Throw the Jew Down the Hill...So my Bathroom can be clean"
