Fat Club

From The Extended Group

Current revision as of 02:47, 12 February 2007

Fat Club refers to a hypothetical club organized by group members for the purpose of eating food. Perhaps more directly, the term also refers to a series of now infamous events that took place in Summer 2003.

Origin

Fat Club originated in a scheme devised by Brett, Jamie, Lukas, Terry and others to eat inordinate amounts of delicious food. This involved outings to OCB and other buffets, as well as cooking sessions and taking advantage of exceeding cheap take-out pizza from the Domino's on 125th. The name itself was stolen from a Home Movie's episode.

Ice Cream Incident

Account

One outing of Fat Club in particular has distinguished itself in group history. This originated in a plan proposed by Terry that huge buckets of ice cream be purchased at QFC and then eaten glutinously. A tub of ice cream was indeed purchased, but it quickly became apparent that no one was really interested in each so much of the dairy product. Drawing on Terry's new found penchant for vandalism, it was decided that a much more enjoyable use of the ice cream would be to throw it at cars while driving around.

Lukas then proceeded to drive us around Aurora as Brett, Jamie and Terry lobbed handfuls of vanilla ice cream at cars. Usually this was only done to parked cars, as moving vehicles were exceedingly difficult to hit using this method. After nailing several cars, including a limousine parked at one of the casinos, Lukas turned the car around and proceeded back up 99.

At the stoplight at 175th, the light turned red and Lukas stopped next to a large red truck, which was idling loudly. Unbeknownst to everyone else in the car, Brett decided to seize this opportunity and throw a large sphere of ice cream from behind the passenger seat, which landed firmly on the truck's driver side window. An ominous, baseball-capped male turned to look at the missile, then shot a menacing look at Lukas' car.

Sensing that he may have gone too far, Brett ducked down below the passenger seat and yelled, "Lukas, GO!" right as the light turned green. Lukas, failing to understand what had happened looked around in a confused fashion as he proceeded through the intersection. The truck immediately pulled behind Lukas and began flashing his headlights for the car to pull over, at an extremely unsettling following distance.

Lukas' Curse

Finally understanding what had happened, Lukas uttered the most memorable phrase of the night:

"Dammit, dang--dangit Brett!"

The Escape

Knowing that they were in some form of peril, the Fat Club foursome spent the next few frantic minutes trying to desperately to escape the vengeance of an obviously pissed off trucker. To accomplish this, Lukas first pulled off Aurora onto a road that runs parallel to Fred Meyer, but the truck continued to follow in close pursuit.

Next Lukas turned right, making a B-line for 185th, which he turned onto, all the while the other passengers screaming in (somewhat delighted) terror while the truck kept chase.

Finally, Lukas reached Aurora, perhaps allowing for some form of escape. But right as the Subura met the intersection, the light turned red. In the most tense seconds of the evening, the truck stopped immediately behind Lukas' car, a door opened, and cursing could be heard from the obviously infuriated occupant as he approached. Brett hurriedly explained to Lukas that he could take a free right, which Lukas did at the last possible moment, allowing for a narrow deliverance from an almost certainl unpleasant (and potentially violent) confrontation.

Still paranoid that they would be found out, Lukas drove his car deep into East Shoreline. A church parking lot was found at some point, where the car sat idling for some time in the darkness before everyone finally worked up the courage to go home.

Trivia

• As suggested in this article, this is one of the only known instances of Lukas swearing