Spoiler

From Superdickery

A character from DC comics. Real name Stephanie Brown.

Her biography for dummies:

Steph: My dad is an evil supervillain, so I will dress up as a superhero to fight him!

Robin: You're cute! Let's team up and date!

Steph: OK.

Robin: I love you, but I hope you're not too disappointed, for me it's "No sex before marriage".

Steph: Ah, that's all right. By the way, I'm pregnant.

Robin: ?!?

Robin: I love you, but I will never tell you my real name or show you my face without mask.

Batman: Hey Spoiler, I want you to bring this message to Robin. His name is Tim Drake. Here is his address.

Robin: How could you tell my real name to the girl I love? I quit being your sidekick!

Batman: Sure, sure. Then I will train Spoiler instead.

Steph: Hurray! Now I'll become a real superhero!

Batcave: You're not allowed to enter. Go home.

Steph: Since Batman has suddenly quit training me and locked me out, I'll start stalking him till he gives me an explanation.

Batman: You don't have the skills or the talent to be in my team. Go home.

Steph: But...but...

Robin: My father has discovered that I'm Robin. I've promised him to quit superheroing. Oh, and I've got a new girlfriend.

Batman: Hm. Where do I get a new Robin?

Steph: Hey, I mysteriously managed to enter the Batcave in my self-made new Robin costume!

Batman: Welcome in the team, Robin!

Steph: Hurray! It's a dream come true!

Batman: In our last mission you disobeyed one of my orders. You're fired.

Steph: But...but...

Steph: I'll show him I'm a real hero! I'll start a gang war in which hundreds of people will die so he understands I can contribute to make Gotham City a safer place for everybody!

Black Mask: Hey Batman! I've captured and tortured your last sidekick, the Spoiler! Now I'll kill her! Then I will be as famous as the Joker!

Batman: Excuse me, what? Who is this "Spoiler" you're talking about?

Black Mask:...

Steph: Ha! I've managed to free myself! I want to kill you, Black Mask! But that's something a hero doesn't do, right?

Black Mask: Take your time! Think about it carefully!

Steph: (thinking hard)

Black Mask (shoots her): Luckily, she didn't knock me unconscious before she started thinking!

Batman: Don't worry, Stephanie. I've found you! I'll take you to a hospital! Everything will be all right! Well, besides the fact that you are dying, of course.

Steph: But I will be remembered, won't I? I really was Robin? I will be part of the legend?

Batman (crosses fingers): Of course. (Manages not to start chuckling.)

Robin: Wow, what a gang war! But now everything's over, right? How's Steph doing?

Batman: Tim, that girl was a very bad influence. You should be glad she is not part of your life anymore.

Robin: What are you talking about? How is she?

Batman: She had to...leave. She didn't leave a message. I think it's all for the best.

Robin: What?

Batman: Oh, screw it, if you really want to know, she's ****ing dead.

Robin: Hm. Ah, well, in that case, let's just forget her.

• YEARS LATER

Robin: Hey, Batman! I just remembered Stephanie existed once!

Batman: You need to accept your loss, Tim. Move on, like I do.

Robin: ...

Batman: ...

Robin: So anyway, now I'm seeing her everywhere!

Batman: God, I need to put more drugs in his water.

Robin: Violet! You need to stop doing bad things! Plus, the outfit you wear is purple which reminds me of Spoiler. *cries*

Spoiler: Hi Tim!

Robin: AGGH! WHY ARE YOU WEARING SPOILER'S COSTUME? *attacks*

Spoiler: Wait, Tim, it's me!

TO BE CONTINUED.