202 Dereham Road

From Richiepedia

Richie currently lives at 202 Dereham Road, Norwich, with Ian, Claire and Andy.

On the initial viewing they thought they had found the perfect party house - cheap, large, and spacious. Just needed a thorough clean, and it would be the perfect palace.

Their hopes were pretty much dashed when they arrived to find the previous tenants still there. Upon moving in, they found the house to be a dilapitated, dirty, dangerous, shithole.

Shitters

Problems with the house include:

• Having mice. And finding several dead mice lying round the house.
  

• The windows don't close properly.
  

• The front door doesn't close properly.
  

• It hasn't been redecorated since the fucking civil war. Most walls no longer have any paint.
  

• The fridge and freezer aren't big enough for 1 person, let alone 4.
  

• There is no shower. The bath is in danger of falling off the wall. The toilet made very strange loud noises when flushed, and shortly after moving in the hot water timer switch broke, and life in the 202 became comparable to the North Sea.
  

• The bath has leaked water through the floor boards, and there is now a large hole in the living room ceiling.
  

• The climate of the house is sub zero all year round. In winter, it is warmer outside than inside.
  

• Three out of eleven bands to have slept in the house have since split up. The average has been improving, so there's hope yet. The bands in question were: Howards Alias (RIP), Dutch Boy (RIP), Beecher (RIP), Pickled Dick, HORSE the band, Thinkpol, Rentokill, PMX, The Planet Smashers, Babyboom, Babar Luck
  

• Former housemate Steve went to bed one night, but woke up in the Czech Republic, where he was forced to quit UEA and become an English teacher.
  

• The matresses are the most uncomfortable known to man. Anyone sitting on a bed is instantly anally raped. The broken springs are also very noisy, making sex an act that can be heard clearly by the entire house. Especially when it goes on for ages...

• Furthermore, sex has actually broken Richie's bed, leaving wood splintered and screws exposed. It is only a matter of time until it collapses...

• The house also turned out to be quite dirty. Two years worth of cobwebs and dust had to be tackled before Richie could see the floor, ceiling and walls, and realised it was a house, not in fact, a cave.

• The dirt and bad bed are also responsible for causing severe illness and physical pain in a number of people. It is believed that 202 Dereham Road currrently contravenes the human rights act.

• There is no storage space, as all cupboards and wardrobes were left full of glasses, cutlery, amps, surround sound speaker systems, 6CD Changers, and a large "For Sale" sign. Attempts to sell Andy on the black market using this have so far failed.