Funny quotes and exchanges

From Poopgang

PoopGang has a long and illustrious history of humourous posts. Below are some of the funniest.

Quotes and exchanges

• Mr Jeff: Go! You must do it...
  ...for I am lazy.

• Pi: Stop making excuses for your laziness by blaming it on my laziness.

• Danny: my toilet seat does'nt stay up, you either urinate all over the seat, or hold it up in an awkward postion

• niall g: Like i said on GR its Eric Crapton NOT Eric Clapton.

• Mystic Runner: Your ability to avoid the edit button never fails to astound me. ORLANDO BLOOM IS A RUBBISH OBJECT OF DESIRE. MY TASTE IN MEN IS LACKLUSTRE AND DEMONSTRATES A SERIOUS LACK OF ORIGINALITY.
  Pi: Found it.

• Thanatos:Starbreaker...I'm sure in some far off reaches of our vast universe, past countless dying stars, there's a place where you'd be considered an intelligent, humerous individual. A place where a typical conversation with you would seem as an evening well spent. But I'm afraid, here - right here, you're seen as the forum equivalent of the kid who sits at the back of the class in a mindless daze. The one who spends all of his time picking his nose and grunting randomly like some deseased bovine entity. A mass of useless, underdeveloped mess held together by withering synapses and vital fluids. The very essence of humanitys ills. A sorry excuse for a human being, who's sole existance is seemingly dominated by the overwhelming need to repeatedly fall over!
  You, Starbreaker, are RUBBISH!

• Pi: Right, I'm off to see what a dalek actually looks like.
  *wanders off to bbc site*
  And a gay...
  *checks GR photowall*

• Foolish Mortal: You're all so mean about me.
  *has bum sex*

• Foolish Mortal: But he lost his mummy and wears her skull as a memento of her! And Team Rocket are after him but he just carries on and fights the good fight! The little trooper!

• Jack: I thank that is because women look a hell of a lot more attractive wearing little than a bloke does.
  Foolish Mortal: How wrong can you be?
  Mystic Runner: Wronger than a Wrong Thing wearing Wrong Stuff.
  Basically wrong.

• Pi: Which sig?
  I'm_Kewl: have both, they're both gay and pointless like you

• Davdell: I fell over trying to kick myself in the head.

• gafgalash:In a shocking change of events, your views and opinions are wanted here!

• Pi: Depends on what your sense of humour is. If you have one, then yes, all the time. If you're a mook living off the dirt extracted from the nails and claws of the various roadkill you find in your travels then no, my humour is sadly lacking. You crazy hillbilly.

• Pi: Fucknuts.

• ChrisMnngh: Don't make me trick you into eating your own parents.

• Pi: Itt's half tow int morn. I'm opff my fuvcking head.

• Chez: 500 texts...a month...Ive used up my texts tho and have over a week left
  Thanatos: You, my dear grill, have a problem.
  Cats Hate Mangos: *puts burger on Chez*

• Pi: Truth be told I'm quite the sadomasochist...I'm a sick twisted individual.

• Jamie: Bum sex is for life not just because you're bored
  jigglywiggly: Tell that to Foolish!

• May Contain Nuts: I lost my virginity to a THIRD PARTY SOURCE

• Fallon: no more of this her ladyhood footing about

• jigglywiggly: Every birthday requires a stripper. And I'm not called jigglywiggly for nothing, you know.

• I'm_Kewl: no Pi is gay, i do not want his sperm, it would make my child become an alien because hes so weird and pointless

• Chez: Friday night, plus im not paying
  Jack: The old get the smallest kid in the sports bag trick? It does work, me and my mates did it with one of my mates younger brothers.
  Chez: Good guess but no my bfs paying
  Jack: Why not try the sportsbag trick instead? Its also extreamly funny if your caught.
  Chez: Maybe cos im not a small kid. Why dont you try it beings youre younger than me?
  Jack: Big people can still fit in Sports bags you know. Well skiny bendy ones can. ...And your only 2 years older than me I think...
  Chez: Exactly, so why dont you try it?
  Jack: Im not skinny and bendy. And no one would be able to pick up the bag. And how the hell are you ment to get your popcorn...

• Mystic Runner: Cyburn, do you download food to avoid paying for it?

• Starbreaker: Yesterday, I found my own t-shirt on the road, about a mile from my house. Don't ask me how.
  DavDell: It's all in the name. Starbreaker.

• nintendo kid: my reputation would have been ruined.

• deku nut: If evryone had a sig like mine the world would be a safer place.
  [Sig] I am a deku nut.

• Thanatos: That's strangely similar to the night I went out dressed in womans clothing. I grabbed the most desperate guy I could find, dragged him into a taxi and brought him back to my place. I was just about to take off my bra and place my fake boobs on the table until I noticed his stained y-fronts.

• nintendo kid:You can't give your nintendo kid medals away.

• SillySprout: That's quite a big cockup!

• ChrisMnngh: When i was in 6th form, in a compulsary (for me ) after school lesson, a massive lump of ear wax fell into the groove of my ear. Naturally a got it out and had a look under the desk.
  Teacher says: "give me that phone"
  I say: "I don't have a phone"
  Teacher says: "Well give me whatever you are messing with"
  I say: "It's ear wax"
  Her face was enough to set me and my mate off laughing, the other girl looked pretty disgusted. Ahhh good times. It was like the size of a pea though, i couldn't just throw something like that away without examining it.

• Rapper:hopefuly once i get the remaning few members of my writing team sorted we will begin production.
  Fanboy: Cant wait Rapper.
  Rapper: Well you will have to these things take time you know.

• Thats not a growth: I spend most of my time there acually, just a shame less people seem to visit it. I will have to bribe them with dust.

• Elbo: At my school guys are not allowed to wear skirts :(

• Mooharhar: My stepdad was having a go at me earlier for being rude to him and drinking his pinapple juice.

• Pi: Y'know that bit in Dumbo with the trippy sequence of the elephants? As a kid I was sure that was a winnie the pooh episode, about hefalumps, and dammit if I wasn't dissapointed if every time I watched winnie the pooh it wasn't that episode. Well it turns out it wasn't fucking winnie the pooh was it?! It was dumbo.

• Elbo: Well the day my provisional license came through my mum let me have a go driving her car, I was not insured for it.
  I put my foot down too hard and started jumping towards a field, then when my mum shouted brake I got confused and hit the acceleration (sp?) more. Ended up smashing through a barbed-wire fence and half the car was in a field. I also snapped the wishbone (think thats what it is called) so the front right wheel sort of snapped off.
  My mum told the insurance she was driving . The car was a write off.
  So my first driving experience was not very good and I lost my mum's 10 years no claims.... oops.

• 'CrazyHorse: All you seemed to do in your rap was swear. Just made it seem like you didn't know what else to say.
  Rapper: i anit no will smith my raps contain swearing. Eminmes contains more swearing than mine and he is the most sucessful rapper of all time.
  Craig: Then why have I never heard of this "Eminmes" if he is so popular?
  Rapper: M&M then i can't spell his name proerly.

• Pi: A dyslexic monkey swings from a tree, none the wiser.
  A retarded monkey falls out of a tree.
  A smart monkey falls out of a tree.
  Turns out the tree was uprooted by lightning.
  Both monkeys died.
  The bartender feigned concern, but his apathy was hardly disguised.

• Pedro: Have no money to fund an atomic bomb so I would have to actually travel to the UK and personally set off a much smaller bomb, BUT I don't have the money for a plane flight, so thats also out of the question. I could always contact an english fellow (Maybe someone from the forum) to destroy you, but that would also cost money too (And not to mention the utter confusion and trouble I will have when trying to convert Canadian dollars to whatever your currency is... Pounds?) So in all I will not kill you... Unless I win the lottery then I'll have enough money for an atomic bomb, but I wouldn't mind going to see you first, then killing you in person. So really I wouldn't even need to build or buy a bomb. I could just get you quite drunk and throw you off a bridge... No wait, then I'll have to go in hiding cause people will see me and my fingerprints and DNA () will be all over the place. So then I'll have to pay for lawyers and all that just to get out of the murder conviction. That is unless I run away to a far off remote location... Damn! I'll have to end up spending money too... Ok. I'll travel to the UK cause it will cost alot less that building an atomic bomb (And really I don't to kill the other nice folk of here... well, deku nut maybe) And I'll get you nice and drunk and bring you back to Canada where I'll show you the Niagara Falls. You be so drunk then, that i'll simple tap your back and you'll fall into the ledge. Ah poop, you might not die from the fall... But really, I haven't and I might not even win the lottery, so I'll have to plan this as if I have no money...
  Ok. So after debate I've decided to not kill you now... I'll just have to hope you die before me and then I will be able to say I murdered you because wish'd it.

• Pedro: Ok, so, I would cream pie Deku Nut.

• Sirus:AS IF you'd turn any of them down. Pffft.
  Pedro: If there was a "smell" then... Yes. Also, I would take them to the doctor and have them tested for every and any sexually transmitted diseases cause they're all dirty, dirty.. dirty stinkin'... Slutty, filthy, sloppy, naughty naughty, naughty... Bitches who need to be spanked and...
  *Wanks off*

• Mr.Jeff: *runs clutching Davdell memorabilia*

• SillySprout: I've been in the company of an Italian Plumber.

• Pedro: After mentions of sexual intercourse, I just found of that the "lass" Mystic Runner is infact a lad. Whyyyyy? Why!? WHY!!? WHY!!!? I'm am a confused, distraught boy and I don't know what to do... WHY didn't Mystic announce he had a penis eariler? Why God, WHY!

• Sirus & Pi: Psst... just put [pleaseletmeswearsirplease][/updowndownupdpad] in the middle of the word. And thank me later.

• Sirus: You're pretty fucking predictable for an omnisicent deity aren't you?

• Seven: God is fluff head that should be banned!

• Seven: chit chit

• Seven: This joke is from Penguin, the yummy chocolate biscuits...

• Pi: I figured she'd be blonde with should length hair, slightly unevenly cut, and gently parted on the left side. I expected a shallow forehead, but thick eyebrows, detracting from a pair of eclipisical eyes, with medium length lashes and a slight over application of make up. I thought she would have a birthmark somewhere in this area, and assumed her nose would be thick and pudgy, possibly with some sort of stud stuck in it, and a slight uneven surface from an old sporting injury. I assumed she would have high cheekbones, but a light skin largely colourless. Her eyes I assumed would either be brown or hazel, her ears larger than average, her lips distractingly misformed. I thought her chin would petrude slightly, and an unattractive blonde 'girl-tash' would round out the package to make her borderline hideous.
  ...seems I was well off the mark, which is odd because I got [insert other female member's name here] down to a T.

• Seven: Labour won, I see. However, the blue one (I forget what they're called) has alot of votes as well...around over 100 before I went to bed.
  New Slang: Please tell me you're joking.
  Seven: Nope, I wasn't joking - they went over 100 - I think around 3:30 AM to 4AM...

• deku nut: I really can't see why you think every retard which comes on here is invited by me.

• Sillysprout:I wouldn't say no.
  If I was gay
  or female
  Which I'm not.

• Scotticus: I want him to turn into a Bus, in the hope he becomes useful!

• Seven: After all, I got "boned" in few places.

• Sirus: I suggest putting the entire [hot or not] section in a rocket and launching it into the sun.
  Mystic Runner: But that would make summer considerably less hot.

• Seven: I won't be pissed at my mom if she [jiggles her breasts tauntingly while in attendance at a little league hockey game]

• deku nut: I was bored when I wrote it.
  Vicar in a Tutu: I was bored when I read it.

• Seven: I'm gonna play Metroid Prime 2: Echoes for, maybe 50mins to 1hr 30 mins.

• deku nut: only 5 new members. I can get about 5 new members to sign up from my school in a day anytime I wanted. Today was not good enough.
  Sillysprout: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

• Seven: HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!! You bleeding son of bitch!!!!!!! I hate people who HUNTS for rabbits as food! How would you feel if I hunt him and cook him and feed him to rabbits, eh?

• Aneurin: My anus is bleeding. WHEE!

• Cats Hate Mangos: Oh yes please. I'm crap though, so don't try too hard.

• Seven: *Wonders if Pi has noticed his post is editted by someone*
  Pi: No, thanks for telling me that seven. I just went straight into reading Mystic's post, didn't even think to look for any edits. I think I might have noticed from the context of his first sentence, but I was quite captivated by that bit about the self hating and christian bigotry, and it completely skipped my mind to scroll up and check my own post for any dubious alterations. I shall keep a sharper eye out in future, and extend my deepest gratitute to you for your rigorous observations in this instance, when my own clearly failed me. I tip my hat to you, good sir. My hat is tipped.

• Timdaddy: Please, PLEASE someone tell Seven how to spell avatar. Please.
  Seven: I can spell it. Someone edited the topic title that I made about avater I created (and you alot dont like it cuz of reasons), and I use Ava because I'm AT college and have to dash the message quickly before teachers found out I'm slacking off. Look at me, I can spell avater. A-V-A-T-E-R. AVATER. AVATER. AvAtEr. aVaTeR. Avater.

• Scotticus: I always thought you were a homosexual man... sorry
  I'm Kewl: I feel all manly and horrible now
  Scotticus: I'm So Sorry. Its not you, its just the general lack of heterosexual women on this forum that made me think that. Sorry... You are very womanly and effeminate

• Random Hero: Ooooooh, playing chase are we? *flounces after Seven*
  Seven: Meep. Nooo don't rape me! I'm too young to be raped!!

• Seven: At first I saw title I thought you mean Willace(sp?) and Grombit. I missed these great guys.

• Scotticus: Go on New Slang give the SNP view now.
  New Slang: Put a guy with bagpipes on the stage and he'd win hands down.

• I'm Kewl: OMGADD THANK YOU!!!!
  But do not save the picture as Harry 'Pothead' next time

• Seven: Avatar: 8/10 (It loses its score by quality lowered by JPEG, but still "OK")
  Ario: You made them though.

• Scotticus: pedentic

• Seven: Moths is gross yet moron insects.....

• Seven: HUGEOUS

• Ario: No name, I repeat, no name, is better than Ario.
  SillySprout: I think we can all agree on that. Having no name would indeed be better than being called Ario.

• Seven: ...because I'm not faggot.

• Mystic Runner: Spent the best part of an hour tossing

• Pi: I got an A* in English literature last year. I'm going to put that to great use when writing the Gay Daleks. Its going to be a bildungsroman full of innuendo.

• Seven: Is it just me, or is Pedro using "Bribe" language?

• Abailie: Some times when I get an erection it wont go away.
  Pi: By 'it' you're referring to Mystic right? I find attacking him with a stick provides formidable resistence. The little bitch ass pansy.

• niall g: People can make a fortune out of anything these days!
  Sillysprout:Did you hear about the company selling muddy water? A step up from the frog I guess.
  Seven: Ew....... I'd go buy EXPENSIVE-but-clean water over THAT....

• Rapper: where on earth did i say i wanted to be black. because i rap does not make we want to be black look am M&M he is white.

• Cats Hate Mangos: It's all well and good doing it with Fes and Scotticus

• Seven: 500,000.......it'd take ages to reach that......
  May Contain Nuts: Why? Are you leaving?

• I'm Kewl: Well of courseeeeeeee! Im a girl, i have a vagina, do you know how difficult it would be to pee standing up? I might as well just stand there and pee on my trainers

• Seven: If it wasn't for Poopgang my reviews would be strongly terrible, as Poopgang has helped me to improve my writting review of game skills.

• PeterCrisp: Luckily I live in Biggleswade where you have to be in a suite if you want to walk the streets or its instant prison.
  Ario: Aren't sofas very heavy to carry around?

• Seven: No fluffism way that I will play as naked crazy frog who dances.

• Seven: Hi Guy aka Mr Rubbish aka GUY aka Guest aka I loathe my penis scent aka FAGGOTLOSER.

• Sicpuppy: Where do you come from the best in hardcore gaming action? GAMEZVILLE!

• Rapper: my god i can't sleep and GR is totaly dead apart from me.
  jigglywiggly: So it's totally dead then?
  Rapper: my we are quite the comic aren't we

• Craig: *Has gay sex*

• Seven: Why is that Playgirl magazine on your bed? *stalks*

• Seven: *tries install Red Alert 1 on my PC, begans to masturbating*

• Seven: Are you proud of using bloody crap rubbish cheek emote in your post?

• Pi: You're gaying out quite nicely there aint cha? It wasn't that long ago you looked like a straighty.

• Thanatos: Consider yourself Sevenalised.
  Fes: Yay! Does that mean I have to make hilarious typo's through bad grammar?
  Thanatos: That's entirely optional. You'll have to get your post count up a bit though. May I suggest needless retellings of the days gaming purchases.

• I'm Kewl: Why did that happen, WHY!?!
  Craig: I thought that it was pretty obvious that Harry Potter was gay.
  I'm Kewl: :|
  Craig: Sorry, maybe I should have put that in a spoiler box.

• deku nut: How exciting.
  Thanatos: Exciting enough to warrent smearing freshly laid faecal matter over your neck and torso? Is it, Dunk? Is it?! Hell yeah it is! You go, Dunk! You go wallow in the cesspit of your personal vilification! You drown in that shit, girl! Smother yourself in the waste products of those better than yourself, of those who have the intellectual capacity higher than that of a lobotomized fucking Moomin!
  How exciting indeed. Tool.

• Jack: [picture of him dressed as a ninja]
  Punker: Why are you dressed as a Gimp?
  Big Frank: You had to ask?

• Seven: These kind of people should elimated.
  Mystic Runner: dictionary.com: To render smooth; to polish.

• Pi: Remember that funny thing I said that time that made you laugh?

• Rapper: i got new jens no mummyfluffer can't denie thea they look sexy oh yeah.
  Scotticus: Retard.
  Rapper: love you to.
  Scotticus: Love you more, don't argue.

• Mystic Runner: I'm a doctor.
  jigglywiggly: Mystic Runner wrote:
  I'm a confused adolescent who has decided to go down the dark paths of homosexuality. I have a very unhealthy obsession with a terrible, average-looking C-list actor. Despite jibes from my friends (read: people who can barely tolerate me) I am still adamant to stay a bender. I am camper than a row of tents and often enjoy dressing up in ladies things, as they feel so soft against my modest groin. I have high hopes for my sex life in the future. In reality, though, it is most likely that no-one will have me and I'll have to go for the snip to bolster my chances. I spend my free time stalking straight people by pretending to need batteries and have extremely low self-esteem. So low in fact that I fantasise about my co-workers, who are also straight.
  Fixed.

• Seven: Plus, he said (I think) he might be gay (or bisexual), even though he was just acting as gay character in few movies (Not X-men, of course) - and he's father of one (or two) children and has rockya wife.

• Jack: Stabbed myself again, not too bad this time, at all.