Too Sexy To Die
From Pirate Bitch
Too Sexy To Die is a smash hit single from progressive motherlickin' folk glam queens The Count And His Men. It was described as "Hot hot hot" and "Bigger than a sea beastie straddling Jupiter... on fire."
It was said to be about how the band and their friends were sexy and would not die by the hands of their enemies. "It's very subtle!" giggled Garald S Kirk. It was banned from all mainstream radio stations after allegations it promoted witchcraft and gratuitous sex, unbanned when this was unproven, then re-banned when Kirk commented "No, if that promotes witchcraft and gratuitous sex, you should see the B-side, 'We're Sorcerers and are Gonna Cast a Spell of Love Unto Your Sweet Bosom'. "Read Harry Potter you tarts!" Kirk wept on Nick Wats-On-Tv?, then added "I can't; Michael Burton left mine on a bookshelf in Ireland." The problem was solved when the B side title was changed to a more suitable "Wankery and the Seven Seas".
Further problems arose with the music video. "Filth filth filth!" said one shocked viewer before it was also banned. "On hindsight," giggled Kirk, "Footage of me in the shower was unnecessary."
Lyrics
You what?
I’ll show you a war!
Mating like bullets;
Hard and fast;
I take my scimitar;
You will not last;
Touch my orient gown;
We shall take you down;
Upon the abyss we once were;
In a maelstrom of dishonour!
Opprobrium!
My ideas you castigate;
My whole life you will castrate;
I’ll tear you apart!
Finding your self lightly blue;
And disliking thus said rhyme;
It is not meant as a cruelty to you;
Merely a satire of common times;
Lurker!
Leerer!
Creeper!
Peerer!
through windows;
through doors;
I’ll take you against a wall!
Take me, love me, feel it all;
Gaah!
Coming at you sharp as a briar! (Oooh-oh)
Coming at you like a bitch on fire! (Oooh-oh)
I grindstone my wit,
Like the shark I bit;
Want a bout?
You, get ahht!
Cockin' hell, if it ain't that blighter;
Go ahead and fuckin' smite 'er;
One on one, please oh please;
I licked your dang vinegary knees;
But what, you are fuckin’ Ian-Pay?
Oh shut up, I ain’t not gay!
You should not just say behave;
Count Nicholaus spins in his grave;
It’s a lie?
He isn’t dead?
Nor am I!
Get ahht my head!
I spanked your hide;
A fetching ceramic; never more;
Oh how you lied;
Such deceit; you wanted a war?
