Rob Paterson
From Pirate Bitch
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| Prime Minister of Britannia | |
| Periods in Office: | 1969 - 1999 |
| Predecessor(s): | Benjutin Fondré |
| Successor(s): | Ian McG |
| Date of Birth: | November 21 1888 |
| Place of Birth: | Stardust City |
| Political Party: | Gay Pride Party |
The Right Sexy Robert Starlight James Moonshine Paterson, commonly known as Rob Paterson, is a former Prime Minister of Britannia and the inventor of sexual foreplay. He is currently working as an actor in various TV shows such as Warning: May Contain Nuts, telling Count Nicholaus Watson's mother to "Cock it!", and singing loudly in glamourous progressive ravers The Count And His Men.
He rose to power as Prime Minister for several years, due to a time travelling scam he pulled. "He is good at pulling!" giggled acclaimed director and toe sucker Garald S Kirk wisely. During his spell in charge of the country, he ordered everyone to grow their hair, brush their teeth, and regain the British Empire.
He was against the charity concert for Jamie Tuffield as he thought the money raised would be better spent on a nice new car for himself, and maybe a few statues of Nathan Page too.
His policies, though widely ridiculed by the very foolish Garald S Kirk as "Utter shite, he banned Me from the country!", were successful in increasing the public image of indecent groping. Instances of all crime decreased in statistics, though possibly this was due to the abolishing of the police force and preference to deal with all crimes personally. Punishments could range from a smack on the bottom to saucy whipping.
On a Sunday, the twenty-third day of the first month in the year two-thousand and five, Paterson married a small hamster called Hammy the Ballerina. He well loves her, and frequently flies away on a magic turtle with her. They have had many hamster-man babies who they hope will one day grow up to rule the world. He married his second wife, Leonardo Mace, in September 2005, and his third, Roof Warner, in December of the same year. In 2006, he married Chloétta Fourtrees, Ian Pay, then finally both Josephine and Rooskipoos in a joint ceremony. He is currently courting square-jawed and blue eyed Count Nicholaus Watson. Phwoar. He insists "Love is so strange, when you don't know your destination yeah yeah."
As the Prime Minister he is alledged to have spent several nights at Mansion d'la Count Nicholaus Watson where he was inpregenated by Hamsters. He has never been quite the same since.
He now thinks this politics business is a "load of shit" and is in a band called The Count And His Men, who rock your motherlickin' socks off, tarts!
Trivia
- Once claimed that if he were gay he would marry Billy Corgan because "he is just too fit".
- Once claimed that if he were straight he would marry his own penis as he is said to enjoy the perplexing fact of its supreme length yet that it was "as thin as a pencil"
