Sex in Ancient Rome:Leave
From Create Your Own Story
After packing a satchel of food, readying your armor and combing your beard and moustache, you set off on horseback, riding through the city of Tiryns and eventually out on the open road, where you travel along the green hills and flowery fields of Argolis for many days and nights, contemplating how you'll defeat an enemy that's invulnerable to all manner of weapons.
Maybe if you fired an arrow in its mouth? Maybe if you tied sharp pebbles to your knuckles and beat it to death? Maybe if you crushed it with a giant rock? Though then Eurystheus might not recognize the lion and declare your quest as a failure?
On the third day, the road gets blocked as a young shepherd has to transport his entire flock of sheep across the road. To pass the time, you chat for a while, and he asks where you're going. After explaining your mission to slay the lion and how it's impossible to kill with any kind of sword of arrow.
"Why don't you just fuck it 'til it's exhausted, then strangle it when it can't fight back?" he asks after you're done.
For many seconds, there's an awkward silence as you stare at him, asking whether or not he's serious.
"Well, during the summer I have to shave my sheep, yeah? And sometimes they keep trying to run away while I'm cutting them, and I don't have any rope to tie them with. So I throw them on the grass and fuck them for a while until they don't have any energy left. After that it's way easier to shave them.
The final sheep passes the road, and you waste no time in quickly riding away from the perverted shepherd, who waves goodbye at you in the distance. Fuck a lion? An animal? Who in Pluto's name did the guy think you were? Maybe if you were a Patrician you'd consider it (after all, there's little those aristocrats wouldn't do during an orgie), but you were a warrior, damnit! Not a sheep-shagger.
Though he did raise a good point about strangling the beast, you think to yourself as the sun sets over the mountains to the west.
