Review: Freedom

From Create Your Own Story

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(Created page with ''''Title''': Freedom '''Author''': Wizardbaker '''Pages''': 41 As of Review '''Preview''': ''No'' ''NO'' ''NO'' ''You can't do this'' ''NOT NOW'' …')
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'''NOTE: THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN EDITED AFTER A BROKEN LINK WAS FOUND WITH THE ENDINGS'''
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'''Title''': [[Freedom]]
'''Title''': [[Freedom]]
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Anyway, Freedom centre's around you waking up in the morning, deciding what you would like for breakfast, then leaving for work. That's the story before it gets a bit more 'interesting'. The story branches off into quite a few different areas and I was contently surprised over this, hence the site being called 'Choose Your Own Adventure'. Problem is that they have contradictory storylines.
Anyway, Freedom centre's around you waking up in the morning, deciding what you would like for breakfast, then leaving for work. That's the story before it gets a bit more 'interesting'. The story branches off into quite a few different areas and I was contently surprised over this, hence the site being called 'Choose Your Own Adventure'. Problem is that they have contradictory storylines.
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In one example, everyone is (presumed) dead , while in another you're an average Joe seeking apprenticeship by from different kinds of 'Smiths' around the area. The story also suffers from plot holes in which you would have to fill in the blanks yourself. A very big taboo in the writing world. The story also suffer from 'One-Sided-ness'. This is when you have two choices, one choice lets you continue, while the other automatically fails you. This is okay when it's near the end, perhaps being a life or death decision, but these choices happened in the middle of the story. Frequently as well.
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In one example, everyone is (presumed) dead , while in another you're an average Joe seeking apprenticeship by from different kinds of 'Smiths' around the area. The story also suffers from plot holes in which you would have to fill in the blanks yourself. A very big taboo in the writing world. The story also suffer from 'One-Sided-ness'. This is when you have two choices, one choice lets you continue, while the other automatically fails you. This is okay when it's near the end, perhaps being a life or death decision, but these choices happened in the middle of the story.
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Furthermore, the ending felt a bit rushed, as is most of the ending on this site. Sometimes there are bland one liners for endings or they could be just one big clump of text which should be explained much more thoroughly. I would have much have had to meet the infamous redlinks than to have read these kinds of endings.
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'''Example of a one line ending:'''
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One last thing note about Freedom is that you cannot really make choices in what you want to do. An example of this is in the beginning, in which I get to 'choose' what if I want to head downstairs for breakfast, or decide not to and sleep. Immediately after I choose to stay in bed, it reads:
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''"What? you got it there? SHAME TO YOU!!!" He then beats you mercilessly and you go crying to bed. You commit suicide later on a knife-blade to your abdomen '''The End''' ''
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''You go back into bed, but quickly decide not to go to sleep.''
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'''Example of a rushed ending:'''
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''You can't go to sleep now, the adventure has to go on.''
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''You help him make the engraving and together you hand them around. You learned that the boston massacre happened because some people were protesting non-importation and they got shot by the soldiers. From that point on Paul Revere teaches you everything about being a patriot, and eventually you enlist in the colonial malitia.The first battle you fight in is the battle of bunker hill. You are under the command of Col. John Stark. He calls you to reinforce the colonial left flank, on one of the beaches of Charlestown. You get there just in time to setup your weapon and mount it at the gate with all the other colonial soldiers before the first attack British comes. The British far our number you but since you have the high ground and the ability to steady your guns on the gate, as well as the limited protection that the gate provides, the British sustain heavy casualties. You eventually hold off the initial British attack. Later on that day you are pushed back into Boston, but the British payed such a high price that the battle felt like it was won. From that day on you see a bright future ahed for both the colonies, and yourself. Both you and Richardson have survived that battle, and you become lifelong friends and fight in many future battles together. You survive the war and live a long and satisfying life. '''The End''' ''
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Followed by a link from the previous page which says to go downstairs. This is a Choose your own Adventure site, now, I know that there may be some decisions which have to be compulsory, but this kind of moment happened repeatedly, to the point when it just felt like really short novel.
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If you also haven't noticed, the story has many grammatical errors dotted throughout the course of the adventure, leaving behind a less than tasteful experience. A problem that could have been fixed just from a simple proof-read.
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If you also haven't noticed, the story has many grammatical errors dotted throughout the course of the adventure, leaving behind a less than tasteful experience. A problem that could have been fixed just from a simple proof-read. The pages could have also had a little more detail, or more or less more stuff to read, a few lines here and there would easily draw this up as an intense story.
Once all is said and done, Freedom comes up as an 'interesting' story suffering from plot holes and One-Sided-ness, with mediocre grammar to boot.
Once all is said and done, Freedom comes up as an 'interesting' story suffering from plot holes and One-Sided-ness, with mediocre grammar to boot.
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== Score: 6/10 ==
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== Score: 7/10 ==
[[Category: Reviews]]
[[Category: Reviews]]

Current revision as of 09:06, 12 May 2012

NOTE: THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN EDITED AFTER A BROKEN LINK WAS FOUND WITH THE ENDINGS

Title: Freedom

Author: Wizardbaker

Pages: 41 As of Review

Preview: No

NO

NO

You can't do this

NOT NOW

You were so close! We were so close! The story was almost perfect! You were almost the perfect Joey! Do you get your kicks out of this? You are leaving these people to rot, just to prove your own free will! People are going to suffer now, and it is all your fault!

Review:

I was very intrigued by the name of this story. Not about the topic of freedom, but the fact that it hasn't been taken up by some other user up until now!

Anyway, Freedom centre's around you waking up in the morning, deciding what you would like for breakfast, then leaving for work. That's the story before it gets a bit more 'interesting'. The story branches off into quite a few different areas and I was contently surprised over this, hence the site being called 'Choose Your Own Adventure'. Problem is that they have contradictory storylines.

In one example, everyone is (presumed) dead , while in another you're an average Joe seeking apprenticeship by from different kinds of 'Smiths' around the area. The story also suffers from plot holes in which you would have to fill in the blanks yourself. A very big taboo in the writing world. The story also suffer from 'One-Sided-ness'. This is when you have two choices, one choice lets you continue, while the other automatically fails you. This is okay when it's near the end, perhaps being a life or death decision, but these choices happened in the middle of the story.

One last thing note about Freedom is that you cannot really make choices in what you want to do. An example of this is in the beginning, in which I get to 'choose' what if I want to head downstairs for breakfast, or decide not to and sleep. Immediately after I choose to stay in bed, it reads:

You go back into bed, but quickly decide not to go to sleep.

You can't go to sleep now, the adventure has to go on.

Followed by a link from the previous page which says to go downstairs. This is a Choose your own Adventure site, now, I know that there may be some decisions which have to be compulsory, but this kind of moment happened repeatedly, to the point when it just felt like really short novel.

If you also haven't noticed, the story has many grammatical errors dotted throughout the course of the adventure, leaving behind a less than tasteful experience. A problem that could have been fixed just from a simple proof-read. The pages could have also had a little more detail, or more or less more stuff to read, a few lines here and there would easily draw this up as an intense story.

Once all is said and done, Freedom comes up as an 'interesting' story suffering from plot holes and One-Sided-ness, with mediocre grammar to boot.


Score: 7/10

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