The Review/Adult Stories/The Devils Daughter
From Create Your Own Story
DirtyMeStoryTime's review of The Devils Daughter:
Nothing reviewed yet. Sorry, this is over 600 pages. It will take a while. I will make notes on here as I go.
Some random grammar mistakes, some more obvious than others. Editor may need to touch up the pages and correct the mistakes, then it would not detract as much as it currently does.
Author tries to use extensive descriptions.
Some red links early on.
Sort of an object oriented feel towards it so far, but given the nature of the main character, and the focus on lust and physical things, rather than on who a person is, that sort of fits the story. Language is very male oriented.
Does the author know that not all women "squirt"?
Hmm, I don't think a school would accept the kind of dress seen in part of the story, not from a teacher. To train your teacher and try to turn her into a sex object is one thing, but the way the conservative teacher goes from conservative to some over the top DOM is too much. The author should have eased a bit more into it. And to randomly have the students raped, and think no consequences would happen, is also not believable. It is just too much too quickly.
Entering a girl in a "Single thrust", wet or not, would not make her feel horny with lust. Even when wet, unless the guy is also somehow lubricated, that would still rip and tear the vaginal walls, and hurt like fuck. I don't think it would really be that comfortable for the guy either, given how much damage it can do to a vagina. Also, women do not suddenly decide to "love it" when they are being raped. They might act submissive as a way of self preservation, to try to convince the guy if they have no choice, to at least do as little damage as possible, but to "love it" because the man is so big and manly will not change a female's mental switch like that...
Also, the vaginal canal actually has very few nerve endings. As for anal, without lube? The lubrication from the other girl will not work like that...
Lots of mistaking impassioned kiss for loving kiss.
Pools of cum would not preserve like that. It actually goes rank after a short time. Trust me, I have researched it, given my "Cum bathtub" fantasy...don't ask. It will not be part of the review...
Some jumps in story elements, like you are suddenly wearing shoes when you were completely naked before, or someone who was male suddenly becomes "she".
