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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I know you have heard that beofre, the fact is it is true. What one person finds attractive may be far different than what another person finds attractive. Some look at what makes up the person, not how they formed on the outside. It is true, physically some people just don't look like what most would find normal or attractive, but you can rest assured each and every one of those people have their own problems, maybe you would look at them and think they are great looking and wouldn't have problems, or many problems, but they do, They are human(most of the time) so they have problems. They may look like a 10 on the outside, but their heart could be cold as ice, or they are not very intelligent or this or that. There is no real answer for how to help you change, it must start with how you think about yourself, if you have a good heart, focus on that, focusing on the negative will only make you more depressed and does no good. Do not look at pieces of yourself, like eyes, jawline, lips etc. you are a whole being, this is what you must look at, everybody has faults and to be happy you must realize that and accept that fact. Somebody will look at you and think  Wow, she is beautiful!  maybe they see how you interact with friends or with animals, maybe they got to know who you are inside, maybe they just like the way your jaw is shaped, there is no telling what somebody will find attractive, it just happens. Try to treat yourself better, you have advantages, use them.Also, as we get older phyiscal beauty fades, but some still look beautiful, eyes that have a bright light do not fade with time like the body does. A gift is to find somebody that compliments you, who love you for who you are, not what you look like, so even though the body may become less attractive with age, you as a person become more beautiful. The essence of who you are is your soul and your mind, let others see it through your actions and in your eyes, the minor imperfections of this current body will be forgotten.
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Poor grammar. Make sure you put speacs after your punctuation marks. You do sometimes, but not always. Also, make sure you capitalize your names, and the beginning of sentences.“fine Elliot”Byron blew harder at his pipeBlowing into it would just send a shower of sparks and ash all over the carpet. You suck air in, then blow out the smoke, not through the pipe.These are just technical things, though, not a big deal. Mostly, your writing is pretty good. Work a bit on characterization. I don't know anything about these men, and as such, I find it hard to care about them at all. Make Byron a little more sinister, and Elliot a little easier to relate to. I like that he's in his pajamas, it makes him seem defenseless. Very good there.You definitely show a lot of promise as an author. Keep writing and reading and editing. Good luck!Oh, just noticed one more thing. Why is the key to this door in his pajama pocket, especially if it's quite heavy and awkward? That's odd. Was he expecting this guest?

Revision as of 10:46, 21 March 2013

Poor grammar. Make sure you put speacs after your punctuation marks. You do sometimes, but not always. Also, make sure you capitalize your names, and the beginning of sentences.“fine Elliot”Byron blew harder at his pipeBlowing into it would just send a shower of sparks and ash all over the carpet. You suck air in, then blow out the smoke, not through the pipe.These are just technical things, though, not a big deal. Mostly, your writing is pretty good. Work a bit on characterization. I don't know anything about these men, and as such, I find it hard to care about them at all. Make Byron a little more sinister, and Elliot a little easier to relate to. I like that he's in his pajamas, it makes him seem defenseless. Very good there.You definitely show a lot of promise as an author. Keep writing and reading and editing. Good luck!Oh, just noticed one more thing. Why is the key to this door in his pajama pocket, especially if it's quite heavy and awkward? That's odd. Was he expecting this guest?

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