Cher
From Blankclubencyclopedia
Contents |
Cher. The Man(?), the Mystery
Cher can only be described as an icon. A living legend, if you will. Cher should not be confused with the singer, (and public enemy) Cher, who plauges our airways with sass such as "I've Got You, Babe". Instead, Cher is more of an enigma, a mythical bartender who appears when the legend is needed most.
For Honor and Country: A Story of a Fateful Night of a Cold Winter Dance
A depressed, forlorn boy walks to the concession stand. He's lost everything, has nothing left. Stumbling to the front, he leans on the counter, and slams against it. "Hit me up, Cher...", he says in a sad tone, closing his eyes. The bartender, no, the friend, nods in silent recognition. Walking to the fountain, he slowly fills a tall glass with the liquid of life, the coveted orange drink, Slice. The boy sighs in satisfaction as the frothy cup is given to him. Smiling, the sweet liquid runs down his throat, filling him with a feeling of peace. As the orange soda is sipped, the boy nods to Cher, content. Cher nods back, and dissapears from view. The boy doesn't wonder where he's gone, because he knows. He knows that Cher will always be there, always waiting, with a mug of Slice ready to be served....
Disputed Cher Sightings
Many times people have claimed to see the Earthly Protector, but few have actual evidence to support this dubious claim. Here are some of the reported sightings of Cher.
- 12/31/05- Cher "seen" at a number of bars across Northern New England on New Year\'s Eve. Most sightings quickly dismissed, but one incident on the York waterfront is still hotly debated, due to a large amount of Slice cans and bottles found at the scene, and a rather mysterious photograph of a fleeing figure.
- 3/17/05- Man found on the floor of the Mill View Watering Hole in Syracuse, New York muttering \\"Cher\\". The mans blood contained 12% Orange Soda ingredients.
- 5/23/05- Photographs of a mysterious man with \\"Cher\\" scribbled recovered from a burnt out insurance building in Stockholm, Sweden.
Aftermath of the Arcane Legend
Because of the mystery of Cher, "Hit me up, Cher" has become a commonplace phrase for many Blank Club members. It is usually said when the speaker is very tired or forlorn, and wants soda to drown their troubles out with. Interestly, this happens quite a lot with Dr. D.
