Ben Tweed's Old Flames

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Revision as of 17:00, 24 May 2007

  1.

     Megan—Preschool through 2nd grade/Prehistoric Era—Attended Carolina Friends School and lived next door, so she was the only girl I had any access to at all at that time, so I decided I should have a crush on her. So I did. Not sure why.
  2.

     Madeleine—Kindergarten through 2nd grade/Prehistoric Era—Attended CFS. Again, I only had a crush on her because I decided I should. It tapered off rather unspectacularly.
  3.

     Samantha—1st grade/Prehistoric Era—Attended CFS. I just remember randomly having a crush on her one day. OF #3 is perhaps the most inexplicable of all the Old Flames. She hated me.
  4.

     Ellie—4th through 7th grade and a little bit in 8th as well/ERC Era as well as the Transition Period—Ah, Ellie. She is without question the crown jewel of Ben Tweed's Stupid Deeds. I somehow managed to go through 3rd grade without falling for her. How exactly I did this is a mystery considering what followed it—5 years of unquestioned devotion through thick and thin, even after it became clear she would only see me dead. She is definitely the modern face that launched a thousand ships/epic blunders—the Skate Party, the Casper War, the Depression, the MIDB—damn, those were the days. The whole agglomeration of affairs was of such biblical proportions that the girl gets her own era.
  5.

     Greer—7th grade and a little bit of 8th/ERC Era\\Transition Era—A nice girl. It's easy to see why I liked her—but I guess I came off as too overbearing and weird, especially after I voice-command-dialed her home number in front of her by name. Needless to say, nothing came of it.
  6.

     Rose—The summer between 7th and 8th grade/Awakening Era—This is widely held among Ben Tweed to be his awakening to matters romantic. A kiss behind the main camp building launched him on a romance/scandal of epic proportions involving another girl as well which is too complicated to mention. Suffice it to say it was his baptism of fire for matters to come. Quotes: "That was an interesting letter you sent Karin."
  7.

     Lydia—8th Grade/Post-Awakening Era—This was a brief and final return to the days of old for me—you know, get a humongous crush on her for absolutely no reason, continue fawning after her while doing a downright crappy job of concealing it, and then finally ask her out and get DE-stroyed. A complete bitch. And ruthless, too. Um, yeah. Quotes: Ben: "Hi Lydia, this is Ben, and I was wondering if—" Lydia: "Sorry, I'm busy." Ben: "I just wanted to—" Lydia: "I said I was busy." Ben: "…" Lydia: "Goodbye." *click* --The worst rejection ever
  8.

     Amy—8th Grade/Post-Awakening Era—My first girlfriend, even if in name only. I first met her at a concert in early 2005 at which we both performed, and we exchanged SNs. Over the next few months, we IMed each other repeatedly, until on April 4, we ended up declaring our then-undying love for each other. As soon as I returned from Florida, which was where I was at the time, we immediately went on two dates—and that was it. All of a month later, she apparently decided that 20 minutes driving distance (she lived in Freeport) was too far for us to have a relationship and told this to her best friend over IM, who told me this over IM as well. Lame-o. This is made even worse by the fact that she never made any effort to contact me ever at all ever (I even initiated all convos when we were together). Quotes: "x oc17 x (10:35:29 PM): well, I'm not sure, either...I mean, if you have a girlfriend, then I'm not sure that it should be a date...
     trekker104 (10:35:37 PM): well, you're it.
     trekker104 (10:35:53 PM): i gues
     x oc17 x (10:35:54 PM): me? seriously?
     x oc17 x (10:36:51 PM): lol, it'd be nice if you told me, first. But, I don't have a problem with it ((if that's what you're talking about))"
  9.

     Izzy—Summer after 8th grade/Post-Awakening Era—The story goes something like this. It is one year after the events of OF#6. I have returned to the camp. At the first dance, I ask this incredibly hot girl, who looks at least 14, to dance. During this, she lets it slip that she's 12. Oh Shit! Says my brain, but the rest of me keeps on going. I follow her around, puppy like, until about 5 days later when she yells at me to go away. This, as you may have guessed from my previous adventures…I promptly refused to do. Instead, I began to act more like a stalker than I ever had before, even in the days of the Zire and the MIDB, always wearing my fisherman's hat and hooded sweatshirts so (at least under ideal circumstances) my face could not be seen. Exactly how this ended is lost in the mists of memory, but all evidence points to one fact. It did so—wait for it—in flames. Ba-dump-chh. Quotes: "Wait—I'm not a whore!"—Presented in the midst of copious evidence to the contrary, which has only accumulated ever since
 10.

     Danielle—Summer after 8th grade to just before 9th grade/Post-Awakening Era—OF#8's best friend. Pretty much ever since I met OF#8, OF#10 and I had been having marathon phone conversations. This led to one obvious (at least to me) conclusion—OMGOMGOMG teh ask her outt!!!!1 So, as soon as I returned from camp fresh from defeat at the hands of OF#9, I asked her if she wanted to go sailing with me. She said sure. Poor sap. I immediately began a poorly conceived, poorly planned, and poorly executed seduction attempt which for some reason involved strangulation. Needless to say, she let me down gently, and we remained friends until late January 2006—or, as the crux event is known to formal scholars of Tweed, the Philadelphia Incident. Quotes: "[20:39] ELLEY Star Girl3: you shouldnt be that dumb about that stuff [20:39] ELLEY Star Girl3: be sutble [20:39] ELLEY Star Girl3: and dude [20:39] ELLEY Star Girl3: no senior EVER and i mean EVER goes out witha frosh [20:39] ELLEY Star Girl3: it just doesnt work"—(Infamously inaccurate remark made on 10/23/05 regarding my chances with OF#11—of course, the inaccuracy is in the senior/frosh part)
 11.

     Jean—Early 9th grade/Post-Awakening Era—Now how in the hell am I supposed to explain this one? I don't know, but I'll damn well try. So she was this fairly hot senior in the Theater Company with me. I just randomly began getting close to her, hugging her etc. No idea why or how she tolerated this, but she did so for quite some time and evidently enjoyed it—until she did eventually tell me to back off. Quotes: "You know something? If you two weren't freshmen, I would totally tap you both."—Incredibly sketchy remark delivered to me (and Finch[!]) which became more plausible upon learning that she really only is in relationships for the sex "Tweed—I should tell you something. If you don't stop now, I'll have to slap you."—The coup de grace
 12.

     Ashleigh—Almost all of 9th grade/Enlightenment Era—If OF#4 is the crown jewel of Ben Tweed's Stupid Deeds (and she is, believe you me), then OF#12 is the crown jewel of Stuff Ben Tweed Did Right [Somehow, But I Have No Idea So Don't Ask]. She took a peculiar liking to me and so we went to a play together and ended up quite firmly entwined with each other. After this, it became progressively clearer that she wanted me, until 14/9/05…let's just say, first base. We did that a few more times but then we just couldn't do any more clandestine meetings. From there it only got worse, partly due to the fact that she was a senior and would shortly be leaving for college. Finally, I guess you'd say we just gave up (I was a wreck for the next 1.5 months). I hate her mom.
 13.

     Elyse—End of 9th grade to sometime around the 2nd week of July, 2006/Post-Enlightenment Era—Ever since the end of OF#12, I'd had a bit of a crush on this girl, which only got bigger while I was away on my many early-summer vacations. So, sometime in the 2nd week of July, I decided that I really didn't have anything to lose, so I asked her out to POTC:DMC. She handed down the most tactful and considerate—in fact, I would dare say, probably the best—rejection I have ever received, citing the facts that she would feel bad setting me up for another fall (as she would be a senior that year) and it would just feel weird having a boyfriend the same age as her brother. We've remained friends ever since. Quotes: "[21:47] rescueme91106: and y wasn't i driving? i'm the one who can drive lol"—In response to learning of my RS drunk driving dream in which myself, RS, OF#12 & 13 were in a car driven by RS who killed us all by crashing into a garage (because she was drunk, of course) "[16:58] rescueme91106: maybe that what the small animals think of my car"
 14.

     Olivia—First 3 weeks of July/Post-Enlightenment Era—Towards the end of 9th grade, I had become better friends with this girl. For most of the first 3 weeks of July, we went around biking a LOT—and for some reason, this resulted in a huge increase in sexual tension between us (which wasn't helped by this one time where she needed me to carry her over some mud b/c she was barefoot and immediately leaped on to the front of me so that it was kind of like a piggy back ride except it was a piggy front ride—sketchy, eh?). Finally, the very day after I was gently let down by OF#13, those tensions came to a head in the darkness of a gazebo outside a contra dance in what was actually pretty much a makeout session minus the kissing. During that, she made it clear she—I'm quoting here—"liked it, but liked [me] too much to like it". Unfortunate.

Appendix A: Category 2 Old Flames: These are girls who I just had a crush on for a short while.

  1.

     Alexa—A tiny bit of 7th grade/ERC Era\\Transition Era
  2.

     Tessa—A tiny bit of 7th grade/ERC Era\\Transition Era Quotes: "I'd love to, but I have Pilates."—Second worst rejection ever
  3.

     Deirdre—Post-Enlightenment Era

Appendix B: Category 3 Old Flames: These are girls who I never really got to know, but ones that I had crushes on for periods ranging from just a few hours to 1 or 2 days. They mostly occurred during the Prehistoric and ERC Eras, and boy did they happen a lot. At last estimate (5 years ago) they most likely numbered between 25 and 60, but (very unlikely) could have run as high as 100. Needless to say, I won't mention any of them by name.

Appendix C: Eras: Here are the definitions for the various eras mentioned.

  1.

     Prehistoric Era: Birth until 2nd grade, so called due to the complete lack of any kind of real records.
  2.

     ERC Era: 4th grade until sometime either in 7th or 8th grade. The time of OF#4. The exact end is hazy due in part to the on and off nature of my feelings towards her as well as OF#5 and the C2OFs.
  3.

     Awakening Era: 3 weeks in the summer after 7th grade, so called because this is my awakening to having a GF (I.E, OF#6).
  4.

     Post Awakening Era: 8th grade until the start of 9th. Defined by the 2 transitions taking place at this time—the transition from Waynflete to Falmouth, and the transition of my idea of girls and what it meant to like them/what could come of it. The OFs of this period are characterized by me going increasingly farther with each successive OF, kind of testing my abilities until OF#12.
  5.

     Enlightenment Era: Most of 9th grade. This was when I realized that not only had I had a GF, I could continue to do so by actually seeking them out/there were actually some who wouldn't end up fleeing in fright (I.E. OF#12).
  6.

     Post-Enlightenment Era: End of 9th grade-present. Thus far, this era consists of me trying to return to the glory days of the previous era, with little success so far, however NF(New Flame)#15 may end up providing this.