The woes and relationships of Dr. D

From Blankclubencyclopedia

Current revision as of 17:33, 25 May 2007

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The life story of Dr. D has proven over the years to be a whirlwind tale of love, hate, denial, rejection, akwardness, elivsh poem writing and, to everyone except Dr. D, nearly the best lol humor since the Macgyver fad (eclipsed in this matter only by the amaaaazing Ben Tweed Romantic Encyclopedia). With countless attempts by over-ambitious members such as Pryzant, Evan and Barbour, Bradley to seize parts of or the entire rights of the story and release it to the general public, the life story of Dr. D remains one of the hottest properties known to Blank Club, affiliates and extended enemies. Although currently unpublished, it is believed that one day Horgan will cash in and make (Vor and Subwoofer) millions on the story as everyone shares a good laugh. On Horgan's expense, of course. To date, there have been four main Eras of the story.

1. Prehistic Era

Before the Old Flame #1, it has been confirmed by Horgan that several romances were pursued. To only a select few has confided any details about this mysterious era, one reason being that too little is known/remembered about this period to go into depth. Most accounts of the story begin during after or at the very end of this era. With no official date, it is widely believed to have ended somewhere in spring or fall 1999.

2. HEK Era

Later to be known as Old Flame #1 (and much later 5), Horgan persued her for a time period between fall 1999 and (arguably) February 2003, the longest he has ever tried his luck for. Although it is the longest period to date, it was largely without incident. The Era somewhat overlapped into the Old Flame Era, leaving most non-experts confused on the matter.

3. Old Flame Era

The Old Flame Era of Dr. D's life story is the most eventful, well-known, well-documented, interesting and most active of his life so far. Widely disputed on when the period began, many argue that it started as early as March-June 2002 while other will make the case for January 2003. The era was named by Barbour, Bradley who one day during the Old Flame #5 period asked "So Joey, tell me about your old flames." The name has remained infamous, as have the events that took place during this time. There are 5 official old flames according to Horgan, although it is a common argument that there are in fact six. This has been denied numerous times and as of now the official count is five. Each part of the era is characterized by a specific song. A collection of the songs was published in Summer 2005 by Horgan and Pryzant entitled Best of the Flames: 2002-2005.

Old Flame #1

A friend of Horgan since preschool, this was more of a denial than a rejection. She picked the leader (at the time of the Blank Wars) of the Blank Club's rival over Horgan as a boyfriend. Horgan swore for revenge.

Old Flame #2

Some random red-haired girl whom Horgan turned to only to take his mind off of Old Flame #1. In hopes of finding a way to get back at the one who stole away Old Flame #1, he pursued this girl. He was quickly rejected. Miserably.

Old Flame #3

This potential romance went down in flames after Horgan had to be assisted by the entire Blank Club to just ask her for a dance. She said no.

Old Flame #4

A cold cynical girl who never liked Horgan very much. However, Horgan decided to try his luck on her anyway. He wrote a poem in Elvish telling her he liked her. She wrote back a letter in French (see pour Joey) that said she hated him.

Elvish Poem

Main article: Pour Joey

The Elvish Poem was a disaster

Old Flame #5

The same person as #1, Joey went out with her for about a day. However, Horgan's bad small talk skills and expertise at creating awkward moments cut this relationship short. It was later determined by experts that the date was only a pity date, and she probably never liked him. It is still being debated today.

Goldeneye Incident

A situation in which Horgan was engaged in a high-stakes game of the 1998 Nintendo 64 game Goldeneye against Evan Pryzant. After losing, Horgan was forced to make a phone call to his girlfriend and tell her his two life goals, which were to win a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament and kiss her. After that incident, their, already bad, relationship plummeted. In attempt to make it up, Horgan sent an apology letter, which just ended up making him look worse. He was dumped later that week.

Phone-call Incident

A valiant attempt to get the relationship "back on track," the incident blatantly revealed Horgan's (lack of) small talk skills. As one may imagine, it did not go well for Horgan.

Halloween Incident

An incident 2 months after the Goldeneye incident occurred. In this occurrence, Horgan was forced by most of the rest of the Blank Club to go to her house on Halloween night dressed up as a borg (see Star Trek or Scum of the Earth). This ended with a few awkward glances and a look of disdain from her mother. As of now, this was the last time in which Horgan and Old Flame #5 made contact.

Dormancy

Although the Old Flame Era continued after the tragedy of Old Flame #5, for a period between October 2004 and June 2005 no new romances were persued. The Old Flame Era officially ended on May 20, 2005, in which the events of the night are chronicled at Last Dance at FMS. Many believe that the era continued past this point, although Horgan asserts it doesn't.

4. "Neuveau" Era

With the turbulant Old Flame era over and done with, Horgan was eager to move on. However, he quickly and unwittingly regressed into his old trends and behaviors.

Feudal Period

Likely the most bizzare period of Horgan's personal life, it cannot be accurately described without using metaphors that would make him seem like he needs therapy immediately. Therfore, the metaphisical metaphors will remain mysterioso.

"OF #6"

Although not officially an old flame, the term "OF6" has been so widely used that it is now an impossible connotation to break. Horgan started out with a conservative approach, hoping to distance himself from the fruitless tactics used during the Old Flame Era. Unfortunately for Horgan, he soon found himself falling back into the common trends of his old ways. After months of minor incidents, Horgan finally confrontated. Although the original answer was yes, Horgan quickly learned that a "Yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow" did not equal a "Yes." This he learned the hard way.

Tragity

Tragedy nearly struck when Brooke found out about the old flames and nearly discovered the identity of Flame #6. This was recovered from however, due to the valiant efforts of Brad to cover- up Joey's personal life by saying that the old flames were indeed HIS. This is recorded as one of the few actual nice things that Brad has ever done for Joey (he's not mean or anything, though).

Maybe The End?

Roughly nine months after his utter failure with OF6, Dr. D announced that he had no further plans to persue relationships. One of two conclusions can be drawn from this; either Horgan has grown so tired of pursing hopeless and fruitless relationships that he has given up completely or that he is simply taking an extended break from such expedentures, as he did in between the Old Flame and Neuveau eras. For now, I'm amazing and Wii sux.

Autobiography?

Although there have been various attempts by club members to take the rights for themselves, Dr. D has shown interest in writing a memoir in which the events of the story would be written in Horgan's first-person in-depth perspective. Unfortunately, each attempt to date has been scrapped due to the massive amount of effort it would take to tackle the story in-depth. (See Pour Joey)

More reading

• Bradley's 7 Deadly Flames
• THEM
• Horgan, Joseph
• National Reminiscing Hour
• TIA
• The Great Bling War
• Ben Tweed's Old Flames