Nobody
From Wikipop
 | Let Me Tell You Something, Pendejo -
You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click." |
“Does it half as good as you."”
~ Carly Simon on Nobody
Born as No one, Nobody conceived himself on June 8, 1922 and was born on February 29, 1923. Popular belief is that he died on January 26, 1998 (When Clinton lied); however, he is still alive and will probably live forever. His talents are endless and he possesses the largest ego in the known universe. The reason for the obscurity of his continued existence is believed to be linked to the fact that he made himself nameless. He does however have several pseudonyms, including Nothing, Death, Sanjaya Malakar, Cat Lover,Osama Bin Laden and Template:Ghost.
[edit] Childhood
Despite being born a woman and a man at the same time, Nobody spontaneously changed sex over night, thus surprising his mother, Queen Elizabeth I. This way he overcame all his psychological problems instantly.
He had a happy childhood and loving parents that understood him. At a very young age he got rich quick through , and kept increasing his fortune by using the magical power of habit.
[edit] Early Years
During WW2, he swam across the Atlantic Ocean to Japan (America) after he was left behind, thereby discovering the north-western passage to the Pacific. He spent Christmas 1943 on the north pole, in his underwear.
After surviving the nuclear holocaust, Nobody discovered alien life on the moon, when he witnessed the landing of the Eagle in late July 1969. He got there by hitching a ride with a cow who was headed in that direction.
Everything was, of course, his fault.
He and his gay lover eventually moved to San Francisco where they had wild monkey sex each night.
[edit] Earlier Years
The sound of the one hand clapping was the first in a series of discoveries he made. He went on to discover the whole truth, the philosophers stone, the meaning of life, the secret of happiness, the Fountain of Youth and the secret of success.
His unusual exploits drew the attention of the Illuminati, whom he as yet keeps eluding. They almost got him when they sent the Spanish Inquisition after him during his successful trip back in time, but to their dismay he expected them and escaped in time.
Odysseus tried to impersonate him, and Nobody got really off. But he couldn't do a thing, as he was (And still is) Nobody.
[edit] Earliest years
He made himself, and therefore, the title of 'Self-Made Man', to be taken literally.
Became Made Man of his own mafia henceforth, known as, "Nobody's friends".
His mother and father were Imagination and Indians.
Nobody also ran for president before, nobody voted.
[edit] Most Earliest Years
It is widely believed that nobody is the creator of the universe and father of Jesus.
[edit] Later Years
Only he himself knows what he is up to now, but with the many things that can be attributed to him, he certainly will remain famous forever, if only for his prodigious ability to lick his own elbow.
Also, he liked this article until the person who wrote the text you are reading now read it.
Got his own talk show which was cancelled due to apathy.
He also met Somebody and Himself
Nobody knows the flavour of Invisible ice cream
[edit] Brief death
Nobody breifly died in march 1997, but was brought back by somebody as he owed him one. Nobody was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald and that's a fact I can prove with my MIGHTY citation of steel (now where did I put it, oh shit) (Citation Badly Craved).
[edit] Even more later years
Nobody is still a nobody, though he became a superhero known as Nowhere Man Whenever somebody beats up the bad guys and disapears with no trace, that's not Batman, it's nobody!
[edit] Latest Years
Despite pro da from Nobody-hater's, he's not going to die.
However, he put himself in a cryogen-lab in 1999 and is expected to wake up in the year 3265.
As far as the law is concerned, 'rat is dyin' e'nuff'zelh.
Despite the lack of demand, the Nobody corporation has released a series of Nobody action figures, featuring Nobody in different outfits.
In most hopeless situations, it's likely that Nobody will save you.
Nobody is a CAWs.ws member as well. and nobody is still a well loved member of society today
Nobody has made a recent appearance in Kingdom Hearts. Revealing his nickname Rock's ass. He is the half latino twin brother of Sora.
He began a criminal career, by going into a bank at daylight, grabing the money and claiming "Nobody was here!". The Police was confused. Because of that fact, a was rumour was spreading, claiming "Nobody is perfect"
Template:Nobody cares
Template:Simple Disambig
“What? I see your lips moving, but all I hear is 'blah blah blah.'”
~ Oscar Wilde on not caring
“I care, damnit!”
~ Nobody on {{{3}}}
Template:Listen
Template:Wikipediapar
Nobody cares , sometimes spelled "I.d.o.n.t.g.i.v.e.a.f.u.c.k" is a policy employed by dictators, despots, democracy, the general public, everybody, his sister, and the wiki administration. It would be the largest epidemic facing the world today if it weren't for the fact that nobody cares about epidemics.
[edit] Origins in Ancient Greece
The school of thought began when somebody wanted something and nobody cared. This is thought to have occurred sometime between Ancient Mesopotamia and the Fall of Rome, so we'll say Ancient Greece. Nobody cares enough to find out for sure.
Somebody probably started it, with authority probably, so let's say Zeus. He was the ultimate god and ruled over the people or something and then the people weren't happy. Zeus decided that nobody cared and screwed a goat.
[edit] Basic Usage Principles and Functionality
The proper implementation of NC is a complicated process involving mass mobilization, social planning, and charismatic leadership. Well, not really. Nobody cares enough to do that. Nobody cares about how this works either, just as long as it does. Read some other part of the damn article.
[edit] Continued Prevalence
Then there was Rome and the Romans didn't like Christians. The Christians wanted to live, but nobody cared so they made them fight lions to the death.
Then Rome fell and the people needed a stable existence, but nobody cared and the Dark Ages were born.
Some people decided they were lords and crushed the peasantry which begot the Feudal Era. The peasants didn't want to be serfs, but nobody cared and they got whipped for not wanting things.
Everybody decided they hated Jews next, and the Jews insisted they never did anything, but nobody cared and Spain kicked them out. The Muslims too.
Witches started hexing everyone next. Well, they claimed it was an accident, but nobody cared and the witches were burned.
Then the people of France were upset by their monarchy. The monarchy decided that nobody cared and the people decided to revolt.
Around that time, Britain decided to tax the American colonies. The colonists decided that nobody cared about what Britain wanted and started a war.
Stuff kept happening in Europe, but it's generally agreed that nobody cares.
[edit] Recent Years
Humanity started to exist because nobody cared about cleaning up under the bed.
There were a bunch of native people living in America with rights to the land, but nobody cared. They took all the land and gave the natives diseases and the government decided nobody cares and set up laws about the right way to steal land.
This guy invented kitten huffing, but no one cared about that, either.
Enslaved persons didn't like being forced to work, but nobody cared and they were whipped and auctioned off. The government agreed that nobody cared about black people and prohibited giving them rights.
There was a civil war, but nobody cares why or who won.
The Irish potatoes got sick and the Irish came to America. Nobody cared that they were hungry and told them, "Irish Need Not Apply." The government had already decided that nobody liked the Irish and didn't care.
Karl Marx started communism, but nobody cared because he was German.
Russia had a revolution or two, but they sort of canceled out, so nobody cares.
The Titanic sunk, but honestly, who gives a crap? Never let go... Too bad, Jack, nobody cares.
Then there was a bunch of stuff about rights and who gets to vote and who gets lynched, but nobody cares.
Then there was a war in Europe and nobody cared.
There was a depression and lots of people died, but nobody cares.
Hitler started sending Jews to holiday camps (allegedly), but nobody cared and America only wanted to end the depression and establish its place in the world.
Then everybody found out Hitler was killing the Jews and nobody cared that nobody had cared.
Then some other person found out how to make a big flash with a bomb and destroy a city somewhere in Japan. Everyone just yawned and went back to sleep.
Joe McCarthy ruined peoples lives by declaring them commies, but nobody cares.
The hippies started spawning and protesting and doing drugs and making love, but nobody cares about hippies.
The Vietnamese dug all these tunnels or something, but the army didn't care enough to dig them all up.
Nelson Mandela started to care about the oppression in South Africa, but nobody cared so he got put in jail.
Then more stuff happened, but nobody cares about any of it except maybe September 11th. But people stopped caring about that when they got back in their daily routine of viewing online spank material.
Monkeys evolved into humans, but Bush didn't care enough to evolve with them.
Many people like to protest against Bush. But nobody cares and everyone's political views remain the same.
A tree fell in the forest but nobody was around to hear it, because they didn't care.
Bill Clinton didn't have sexual relations with that woman, because he didn't care about her.
[edit] Today
When told that there weren't any WMDs in Iraq and that there was no reason to invade, George Bush is said to have said, "Nobody cares anyways."
Um, something about a popey thing way off in La La Land caused a lot of people to be sad, but even more couldn't care less.
Baseball thought it was exciting, but nobody actually gives a potato.
Jack Sparrow got eaten, but nobody really gives a flying fuck.
Celebrities did a bunch of stuff, but nobody cared enough to pay attention (except a bunch of idiots with no lives, but fuck them, no one cares...)
Something happened in New Orleans, doing some stuff and causing Kanye West to complain about someone not caring about something or someone, but no one really cares.
The Supreme Court guy died or got sick or retired or something. Then they replaced him, but it's not like anyone cared.
Steve Ballmer wanted to kill something, but nobody cares.
It is dark and you are likely to be eaten by a Grue, but nobody cares. In fact, they're going to be glad that you're gone.
Tom Brookens made another error in the 1980s, and people in Detroit, Michigan didn't even give a shit.
Your mom had group orgies in the seventies, but no one really cared.
Ariel Sharon is probably going to die soon, who cares? Nobody, that's who.
Somebody huffed kittens, but nobody cared.
St. Louis Cardinals won a pennant with manager Tony La Russa in 2004 and not even a single person gave a Template:Expletive fuck.
Somebody made a lot of important contributions to Uncyclopedia, but the admins decided that "nobody cares anyways" and banned them.
Despite mottos to the contrary, nobody in the Microsoft corporation cares where you want to go today.
Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cared.
A bomb goes off in some village, end result? Not even a person cared.
There is a company named Intel that thought they made cool video cards, but due to how shitty it is, nobody cares.
The stripper you banged in the VIP room didn't really mean the nice things she said because she didn't care. She only wanted your money.
Michael Jackson molested a boy in the past, but the world just didn't care. He also made a cameo in Jackson's Adventure and the same result happened.
Someone made useful contributions to Wikipedia, but none of the admins cared and reverted it.
Cthulhu ate the souls of 120 naked virgins, and nobody cared.
Nickelback released a song called "If Everyone Cared", because no-one was currently caring. But nobody cared about the song so it fell behind on the charts.
You had a girlfriend for 9 months, but nobody gives a crap. You will broke eventually, and nobody will care about that, either.
You have two cows, but nobody cares.
All your base are belong to us, but nobody would really care.
You died and nobody cared.
[edit] Tomorrow
Men will reach Mars with their bare teeth and nobody will care.
Windows WTF will be released and nobody will care.
Bush will die and nobody but monkeys all over the world will care.
You will probably make a big decision tomorrow, but then again, nobody will care.
[edit] Pop Culture
The song "We Care A Lot," by Faith No More was really just a ploy to get young concerned people buying their records. Lead singer Chuck Mosley said he didn't care about lying and would do it again.
Everybody that is well-known in music got together to sing some world peace songs, We Are World songs and Don't They Care It's Christmas but they really didn't and nobody else cared enough to stop hunger in Africa or to at least give them lots of presents. Instead a shitload of the wretched 45s were dumped onto the masses, some being personally autographed while the music stars posed for some photos and nobody cared enough to even remember why they were there in the first place. It wasn't for the people, but for publicity, but, again, no one cares.
[edit] List of people who care
[edit] The Rest of the World
Nobody cares. Especially not you or the United States Government.
[edit] See Also (If you can be bothered)
[edit] External links
