The Pope

From Speakeasy

The Pope is the Pontiff of the Catholic religion. He is almost always chosen from among cardinals, though any Catholic man of sound mind may be elected Pope. Catholics revere the Pope as Jesus Christ's representative on earth. Other Christians, such as some Protestants may respect him, but do not believe he is a representative of Jesus. Others may be downright hostile to the Pope and Catholicism, such as Lenny. Most of the world respects the Pope as a learned man who has dedicated his life to serving God and showing a good moral example for Christians to follow.


Crazy fuckin Popes

During the Dark Ages a lot of crazy bastards were elected as Pope by powerful aristocrats. Many of these Popes had illegitmate children. Pope Sergius III's illegitimate son John XI became Pope in 931. Pope John XII was elected at age 18 and turned the Vatican into his own sеxytime party palace.

Stephen VII, elected during perhaps the darkest of those days, in 896, was quite possibly the craziest pope who ever ruled. Not long after his ascension, Stephen convened what has become known as "the Cadaver Synod." He ordered the corpse of his predecessor, Pope Formosus, dug out of its grave and dressed in full papal vestments. The late pope was then propped up for trial on a number of charges. After he was convicted, his body was tossed into the Tiber River. Stephen himself was deposed, imprisoned and strangled several months later.

Pope Leo X was a crazy SOB. He said to his brother: "Since God has given us the papacy, let us enjoy it." He basically pimped out the Vatican and was livin large 24/7, throwing wild parties and enjoying his wealth. He borrowed a bunch of money from everyone he could to finance his lifestyle and as a result left the Vatican in debt. In 1517, Pope Leo X offered indulgences (remission of temporal punishment due to sins aka get out of Hell free cards) for those who gave alms to rebuild St. Peter's Basilica in Rome. The abuse of the indulgences is part of what lead to the Protestant schism.

Pope Benedict XVI

Pope Benedict VXI

German cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI in 2005. He is a very traditional Catholic and conservatives were pleased when he was elected Pontiff. Pope Benedict XVI speaks German, Italian, French, English, Spanish, Latin, Portuguese and can read Ancient Greek and Biblical Hebrew.


Young Ratzinger in Hitler Jugend uniform

The current Pope faced some controversy when it was revealed he had been a member of the Hitler Youth and German military. It was explained that he was forced to join and was unenthusiastic about it, and that his father was very anti-Nazi. However, the World Jewish Congress openly welcomed his election.

The Pope upset some Muslims when he quoted in a lecture a 14 century Byzantine emperor who said: "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." The anger over the Pope seemingly calling the religion of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) violent ironically lead to violence, riots and killings in the Muslim world. Islam is not a violent religion per se, the Quran contains far fewer references to killing and violence than the Bible does for example, but some Muslims are violent people and will use perceived slights against their faith as an excuse to act out.

See also

Venerable Papal Tradition: The Very Smoke-Filled Room

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