Hungarians

From Speakeasy

Plate 1A: a young Hungarian woman initiating the traditional Eurοpοrn mating ritual

Contents

People

Hungarian people came to Europe from some unknown Eastern locale about 1,000 years ago. They kicked a lot of ass, but eventually were forced to settle down. They lost most of the wars they got dragged into, something which pisses a lot of them off or causes a lot of depression. I doubt they'll ever stand on the side of the Germans again, after the last 2 times. Nowadays they are divided into 3 camps: the ones who think the old commie days were totally cool, the ones who think the old commie days totally sucked ass, and the younger generation who only care about materialism, pop music, partying and getting laid. Hungarians are a lot like Austrians, only less wealthy and much more hοrny. In fact, Budapest is the pοrnο capital of the Eastern Hemisphere.

Hungarian Culture

Demographics

Model of Hungarian demographics

Hungary is said to consist of two crunchy outer layers of feckless nerds (physicists, ex-communists, intellectuals, bankers) and hοrny ѕlutѕ (plаybоy bunnies, ѕtrippers, female politicians), with a creamy middle made up of pissed off peasants. Over the centuries evil doers in neighboring countries have taken big bites out of the cookie out of jealousy and revenge. But through all the bites and being dunked in milk many times, it remains one of the most unique and creative cookies in Europe.

Language

To native English speakers the Hungarian language looks very weird. While the language uses the familiar Latin/Roman typography, the Hungarian alphabet actually contains 44 letters. Weirdo letters include á, é, í, ó, ö, ő, ü, ű, cs, dz, dzs, gy, ly, ny, sz, ty, zs. If you don't have a Hungarian keyboard or don't know exactly where to put the accents, you can write/type out pretty much anything without accents and it will be readable. So basically the whole 'we have 44 letters in our alphabet' thing is bullshit to confuse foreigners.

Dance

Got canned heat in my heels tonight baby!

Hungarians are quite light on their feet (but not light in the loafers). Hungarians will dance uninebriated without any shame. They are also a musical people who enjoy eating fried chicken and watermelon, leaving experts to suspect a distant African connection.

Here are some examples of Hungarian dancing:

Music

Hungarians are known as musicians and composers more than as painters or architects. But like elsewhere in Europe traditional music is fading away under a barrage of Yankee pop tunes and gangsta rap. Here is a small selection of Hungarian music:

Cuisine

One thing everyone knows about Hungarians is they make teh awesome foodz. The most well known dish outside of Hungary is gulyás (actually called pörkölt), which is different from American-style goulash (which is people combining their left-overs into one big, nasty cassarole). Many expect Hungarian food to be very spicy, but spiciness is not characteristic of many national dishes. Paprika is to Hungarians as curry is to Indians. One uniquely Hungarian treat you should try some day is a confection called túró rudi, which is pressed cottage cheese curd dipped in dark chocolate. It sounds weird but it is actually really yummy.

Hungarian creations

ΑMD 65

Image:AMD 65.jpg

The ΑMD-65 is a short barreled version of the ΑKM manufactured by Hungary. The ΑMD 65 uses a 7.62mm caliber ammo, it uses the standard 30 round clip and weighs just over 3kg with an empty magazine.

Rubik's Cube

A unique blend of pleasure and frustration, much like the Hungarians themselves, the Rubik's Cube will go down in history as perhaps the greatest Hungarian contribution to mankind. Just admit it, you used to peel off all the stickers and re-arrange them in order.

88mmFlaK used to finish the Rubik's Cube in under three(3) minutes every time, as a bespectacled young lad, by applying known formulae.

Hungary in the candy industry

Haribo Goldbears are manufactured in Hungary for the U.S. market, as are several models of Pez dispensers.

The Hungarian Prime Minister G-Master Frank is throwing gang signs to let you know what's up if you fuсk with his crew, nigga.

The Hungarian Government

Summary

The greatest government on the planet, the Hungarian government is always there for you. They know what is right, and you can just depend on them! Even if you're not a citizen of Hungary or ever visited you should pay some taxes to the Hungarian government, just because they're so cool and deserve it for being super guys. No one ever criticizes them, because they are doing a great job all the time. They also do not lie about anything, which is why the people of Hungary love their government so.

Special Divisions of the Hungarian Government

His Exellency, Kovi

Ministry of Pr0n

This key ministry is headed by Kovács "Kovi" István (Picsáért Polgári Párt). It's objective is to guard the quality of Hungarian pr0n and keep the world aware of the pr0n industry in Hungary. Throws the most popular Christmas and New Year's Eve parties of all the ministries, obviously.

Ministry of Sports Nobody Cares About

This ministry is formed to promote various sports almost nobody else in the world watches, but that Hungarians really like, such as water polo, handball, Marco Polo, rock-paper-scissors, and drunken donkey racing (a gypsy sport). It is headed by some sleazy crony of the prime minister.

The Greatness of Hungarians in the Scheme of the Universe

Indisputable.

Plate 2A: Honorary Hungarian, Chuck Norris

Famous Hungarians

  • Chuck Norris
  • Ernő Rubik
  • Gyõzike
  • George Soros
  • Tom Lantos
  • Báthory Erzsébet
  • Gyurcsány Ferenc
  • Herzl Tivadar
  • Attila the Hun
  • 99% of 20th century nuclear physicists
  • lots of Hollywood jews
  • people with unpronounceable names
  • people who are good at chess
  • people who drink a lot

Trivia and quotes

  • First Christian king of Hungary and national hero Szent István chopped off his own uncle's head.
  • "Hungarians have cool facial hair." ~ Johnson
  • Most Hungarians are named Kovács László or something like that.
  • They used to be commies but now they aren't anymore, they moved on to become totalitarian capitalists.

Hungarians' Role on Speakeasy

Sarah talks about Hungary and Hungarians all the time, while nobody else really cares. There are about 34 Hungarians on Speakeasy currently.

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