From Speakeasy

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This article contains an appropriate level of evilness and psychosis, and as such Bert has given it his stamp of approval. Please maintain the overtly Satanic nature of this article, otherwise Bert will be forced to rape you.

A sado-masochistic cult which blends Roman paganism and Judaic scriptures, with no real redeeming features. The Catholic church held back scientific progress in Europe for several centuries and is often erroneously credited with saving Western civilization. In fact, the Catholic crusaders killed more Christan Europeans than Muslims, specifically targeting Orthodox Christians and any sect not affiliated with or approved by the Vatican. Catholicism's headquarters is an opulent palace in Italy filled with priceless treasures looted from all corners of the earth. This kingdom (called the Vatican) is staffed by a hierachy of elderly pedophiles who keep the lower ranks (called priests) safe from prosecution. These Grand Moffs of Pederasty serve the Arch Pedo, an elected official called the Pope. Despite the extreme wealth of the Vatican, they always seem to need money from people. Catholics engage in a weekly ritual of symbolic necrophagia involving wine and magic cookies. This cult includes more than 1 Billion adherents and is known to instill neurotic guilt and obsessive-compulsive ritualized behavior in those exposed to its teachings.

See also

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